parent- child logistics

Yael

Thu, Mar 13 2008, 10:29 pm

I have a theory about parenting. please tell me if you agree or not.
There are 4 types of parent - child logistics.

1. the parent is a good parent and the kid is by nature a good easy kid.
2. the parent is a good parent and the kid is a harder personality, and more difficult to raise
3. the parent is not so devoted or knowledgeable about parenting well, and the kid is a good easy kid.
4 the parent is not so devoted or knowledgeable about parenting well, and the kid is a harder personality, and more difficult to raise.

agree?
now my theory goes that
#1 the kids will turn out fine
#2 the kid will be fine
#3 the kid will be fine
#4 the kid will not be fine, and will have later issues in life

type 1 deserves her nachas.
I believe only type 2 can actually take the credit for raising a good emotionally balanced child
I hate it when type 3 likes to give advice about how she parents, b/c just look at her kids, they're great so she must be doing a great job!
type 4 I feel bad for, b/c not only does she need to learn quickly how to parent, she was also given a much harder time than anyone else. and doesnt deserve to be put down or made to feel bad b/c of the way her kid is, and on the contrary needs to be encouraged and guided.

louche

Fri, Mar 14 2008, 10:14 am

Well thought-out, Yael!
I'd agree with most of your conclusions, with several caveats:

First, there are no guarantees, and there are other influences in a child's life. All other things being equal, yes--but a good, easy kid with good, devoted parents can still go astray if caught up in a bad crowd or has bad experiences outside of the home.

Second, a difficult kid's difficulties may be too much for even good, devoted, knowledgeable parents to handle, and he can end up in trouble despite their best efforts. I assume you're talking about fairly average-to-above average good, devoted, knowledgeable people, not superbeings who literally go to the ends of the earth for their kids.

Third, a parent can be as devoted and knowledgeable as the next guy and still not be a good "fit" with his/her own child. Different personalities and outlooks may make it hard for a parent to communicate well with a child despite the best intentions.

I agree with you about Category 3 parents--but , then, no one on the outside can really know what the family dynamics are. A child may appear obedient and easygoing in public and be a horror at home--just like some parents.