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Confused about ruchniyus growth- any advice/chizuk please?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 12:12 am
This feels like a silly question.. but I don't get how to grow. I want to grow and I want to be my best self. I just don't get how. Sometimes I'll take on something small (like stand in place when saying asher yatzar, focus on one line in bentching, etc) but those tiny kabalos are not gonna get me anywhere. I feel like I don't know how to push myself- maybe I'm scared to push myself too hard? But now I'm taking it way too slow, I'm not doing anything! K, I'm doing things like grocery shopping and cooking dinner for my husband (no kids yet, bezH..) which I guess count as "ruchniyus" (?) but it's not enough. I don;t even know if this makes sense...
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 1:01 am
First if all, I would say focus on your davening. It's not clear from your post whether you daven regularly, but now without children is an ideal time to build it into your routine. Davening regularly, twice a day, helps keep you more focused on eternal values.

Secondly, build some learning into your day. I have the sefer משפטי שלום, which is divided into daily learning, each taking about five minutes. It takes six months to go through the book (and the new cycle begins tomorrow, on Rosh Chodesh!) It covers the halachos governing interactions בין אדם לחברו, and is a real aid to growth. I don't know if it's available in English or not, but it's not difficult Hebrew. If your Hebrew skills aren't up to it, find some other Sefer. There are a number of sefarim that help promote spiritual growth, and are divided into daily learning.

As much as the content, it's the daily exposure Torah that keeps you focused and helps you to grow. If you can make the time, try learning some part of Tanach daily as well. Parsha would be ideal. Bringing yourself into daily contact with the word of Hashem can only lead to further awareness of the Divine influence in your daily life and further your spiritual growth.

A lot of the books that we tend to read in Elul give advice about how to stretch ourselves and grow in ruchniyut. There is no reason not to get them out at other times of the year and start applying those techniques when we are not so pressured by the Chagim. If you start with that now, you'll be coming into Rosh HaShana in great shape!
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amother




Lavender
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 1:31 am
Sounds like you need to work on menuchas Hanefesh, being kind to yourself and positivity.

Try inner torah work by Miriam Castle.

Davening works. But there has to be a calm centered self from where to pray. Find that.
Take care of yourself.

ETA: or that book by Shterna Ginzberg. Your awesome self
Full disclosure I haven’t read it yet but heard great things -
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 9:19 am
Thank you for your response. I do daven twice a day, I definitely need to work on my davening but I'm not up to that right now. I do learn, I learn mesilas yesharim and read randomly. I try to say nishmas and some tehilim daily. I try to listen to shiurim. I try to feel connected to Hashem by noticing His Hand in my day and then telling over my hasgacha pratis stories to someone. I try to chesed etc etc. I feel like none of these things are doing anything.
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 9:24 am
Dance, sing, feel the joy in Yiddishkeit. Don’t feel like you are not enough.
It sounds like you are doing great.
Be more present and joyful in what you are doing.
Appreciate yourself and what you are already doing.

You got this Smile
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 9:43 am
amother [ Lavender ] wrote:
Sounds like you need to work on menuchas Hanefesh, being kind to yourself and positivity.

Try inner torah work by Miriam Castle.

Davening works. But there has to be a calm centered self from where to pray. Find that.
Take care of yourself.

ETA: or that book by Shterna Ginzberg. Your awesome self
Full disclosure I haven’t read it yet but heard great things -


I second this approach, though haven't seen these sources.
Also, fill your day with positive endeavors.
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professor




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 10:59 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This feels like a silly question.. but I don't get how to grow. I want to grow and I want to be my best self. I just don't get how. Sometimes I'll take on something small (like stand in place when saying asher yatzar, focus on one line in bentching, etc) but those tiny kabalos are not gonna get me anywhere. I feel like I don't know how to push myself- maybe I'm scared to push myself too hard? But now I'm taking it way too slow, I'm not doing anything! K, I'm doing things like grocery shopping and cooking dinner for my husband (no kids yet, bezH..) which I guess count as "ruchniyus" (?) but it's not enough. I don;t even know if this makes sense...


Every little bit that you do counts. Keep taking things on, but slowly. Someone here once posted how we can't take on too much too fast because then we fall, so one little thing at a time sonds good.

See? I'm learning stuff on Imamother it's like my ruchnous outlet Smile
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