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If Hashem doesn't want women like me, why did He create me?
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silbergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 7:19 pm
Not true. I live in a Monsey ish community (but all chasidish and smaller and more tightly knit) and I found a few selected like minded people.

In general, the world is shallow. When I was not frum as a teen, I never blended in with most classmates in school, either. It is not unique to frumkeit.

amother [ Green ] wrote:
"Find your people"

I feel like this line is the crux of the issue for those like us. I'm in Monsey, and there's no way to find my people. Everyone is buried in their own lives, holed up in their homes and families and busy trying to look and sound normal when they do go out, especially at this stage of raising young children. The externals matter so much that there's no way to get past them.
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amother
Olive


 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 8:05 pm
Op I hear you.
Someone mentioned books by Elaine Aron, definitely look them up.
Also the book Quiet by Susan Cain.
If you could get your husband to read some as well, that would also help him understand you.
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amother
Green


 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 8:15 pm
silbergirl wrote:
Not true. I live in a Monsey ish community (but all chasidish and smaller and more tightly knit) and I found a few selected like minded people.

In general, the world is shallow. When I was not frum as a teen, I never blended in with most classmates in school, either. It is not unique to frumkeit.


But how did you find them?
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 8:54 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am a mother with a personality that is dreamy, creative, loves being with children or my house in an unrushed manner, loves solitude, loves learning, loves thinking, loves giving over ideas. I am part of a society (and marriage) that values women who are: strong as a horse, great with externals such as dressing the kids, thrive on multitasking, able to transcend their own physical and mental needs such as sleep, don't think too much, don't feel too much, are comfortable being ignorant about that own religion while relying on men to be the knowledgeable authorities.

This is so painful for me, and speaking to therapists, rebbetzins, and rabbanim has only left me feeling more misunderstood and unneeded.

Where do I go from here?


OP I'm the same as you.
I dont struggle with feeling unneeded , but I struggle with being different and not managing to do what I have to do.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Sun, Apr 18 2021, 8:01 pm
Hoo-ee, I was sure you were going to post that you’re gay or trans or something.
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