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When a wedding is split 50/50
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 7:30 pm
B"h my son is getting engaged.
The girls side asked to do 50/50.
What does that include? Does it include the cost of the vort, ring, bracelet, candle sticks ect. or just the actual wedding?
My husband and I are having a disagreement about it.
We are frum a bit left yeshivish in NY.
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SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 7:32 pm
I imagine just the actual wedding but I would clarify with them to be sure. (Obviously not the ring that’s a gift from your son to good bride though.)
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 7:35 pm
A close friend of mine told me that she was asked to go 50/50 when her son got married not long ago. She told me it included the wedding, and some furniture purchases. The Kallah's family was going thru a hard time financially due to COVID and job-related issues.

She told me she is glad she was able to do it, though she's far from wealthy - B"H it worked for them now. She's glad her son is B"H happy, and B"EH Hashem will help her in the future.

OP, I think it's a great idea to spell out exactly what will go 50/50.

I have a relative who went 50/50 (years ago. They are now making their own weddings.) and it included everything down to the last towel.
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 7:36 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
B"h my son is getting engaged.
The girls side asked to do 50/50.
What does that include? Does it include the cost of the vort, ring, bracelet, candle sticks ect. or just the actual wedding?
My husband and I are having a disagreement about it.
We are frum a bit left yeshivish in NY.


Usually includes the wedding, and all the stuff purchased for the couple (household items, linens, furniture, etc.) But sometime people have other expectations so it's always good to give a run through the details.

ETA - gifts such as jewelry, candlesticks, are almost never 50/50.
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amother




Pumpkin
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 7:39 pm
50/50 does not include anything else beside for wedding day expenses!!!

Of course not the gifts you're giving her (ring,bracelet and candlesticks!)
Vort is not included either!! Girls family usually pays for vort.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:03 pm
Thank you.
I'm just so mad because I told my husband I want to do FLOP because we dont have the money to pay for half plus all the gifts we have to buy for her.
We were talking to her parents about a vort and my husband kept on saying that instead of a hall we should do it in our house. I kept telling him that we can't. Then he said we will do 50/50 because he thought that everything will be split including ring and candlesticks and the vort so he wanted to save money.
I am the one who will need to come up with the money not him because he never does. It's all on me.
He told me to go to the girls parents and tell them forget about 50/50 we will do FLOP but I feel we can't do it now.
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amother




Wine
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:11 pm
Boy gives
לייכטר, jewelry,מחזורים,which is plenty
Girl gives
בעכר,שס,טלית,קיטל,watch,מנורה and makes the vort
Everything else is split:
Hall, flop, furniture, houseware and rent if necessary for first months
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amother




Mauve
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:13 pm
Usually it means 50/50 for wedding night, housewares and furniture.

Girls side pays for tenoyim and a gifts for choosing.

Boys side pays for all gifts for kallah, including shaitel in our circles.
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happyone




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:15 pm
in my world its wedding night including FLOP , furniture and housewares/linens etc
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amother




Wine
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:15 pm
When our dd got married we told our mechutanim to buy the shtreimlich and we will buy the wigs
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amother




Mauve
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:20 pm
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
When our dd got married we told our mechutanim to buy the shtreimlich and we will buy the wigs


So you saved money but generally the other side pays so boys side buys shaitels and girls side the shtreimels. We get 100% synthetic so it's like 7500 for the two shtreimels v $800 for two wigs.
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:24 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
So you saved money but generally the other side pays so boys side buys shaitels and girls side the shtreimels. We get 100% synthetic so it's like 7500 for the two shtreimels v $800 for two wigs.


If the wigs are synthetic, why aren't the shtreimels synthetic! Needs to be a fair deal, Smile!
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amother




Wine
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:30 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
So you saved money but generally the other side pays so boys side buys shaitels and girls side the shtreimels. We get 100% synthetic so it's like 7500 for the two shtreimels v $800 for two wigs.

Nope no savings.
Our dd got 3 human hair wigs so not far from 7500.
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qwerty4




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:33 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
So you saved money but generally the other side pays so boys side buys shaitels and girls side the shtreimels. We get 100% synthetic so it's like 7500 for the two shtreimels v $800 for two wigs.


Most people aren’t doing that anymore. Everyone pays for their own clothing.
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SYA




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 8:56 pm
Beware when doing 50/50. I've heard where one side wants more guests, fancier menu, nicer flowers, bigger band or something along those lines. When split 50/50 you'll pay half of all those upgrades.

When it's flops, you decide the amount you want to spend on flowers and the kallah can choose the colors and flowers within that budget. Same for the band. You choose what you want (1 man band or 3 man band...) And if the other side wants more then they have to pay the difference.


Most important is to discuss all the details from both sides and come to an agreement before any arrangements are made. Afterwards, there can be arguments and hard feelings.
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 9:16 pm
If both sides are on the same page then 50/50 can work....but EVERYTHING becomes a discussion
You have to know with whom you are dealing… We never did 50-50 we always did FLOP
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amother




Navy
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 9:20 pm
I do not think it is too late to ask to do FLOP. Say that you were re-thinking and you would prefer to do FLOP but if they want 50/50 then you will make that work.
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amother




Saddlebrown
 

Post Sun, Apr 11 2021, 9:28 pm
We did 50-50 fifteen years ago, OOT. It was just the wedding. Each family did it's own gifts and each family made their own vort in their own town. Dh's family trusted us to choose most things- I think they made a basic budget- because they didn't know the resources in my town, and they weren't there to plan. Thankfully, both families were on the same page.

Eventually, it became clear that the balance of guests who were actually was heavily shifted toward my side because it was in my town. I don't really know if my in laws outright asked or hinted or my parents were being sensitive on their own, but they ended up paying proportionally to their guests.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 8:32 am
We are on the same page as what we want.
My husband was under the impression that everything was split, the vort down to the ring and candlesticks.
I have a hard time going to them now and saying I changed my mind and want to do FLOP.
Now I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 8:50 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
We are on the same page as what we want.
My husband was under the impression that everything was split, the vort down to the ring and candlesticks.
I have a hard time going to them now and saying I changed my mind and want to do FLOP.
Now I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

With all due respect, that means the girl's parents would be paying for half of her gifts that are meant to be from the chasson. Thats what he thought?
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