When a wedding is split 50/50

amother

Olive

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 2:36 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I also would like to know. I indeed hope its NOT one of these "muskamot" that some people blurt out based on the only fact they are marrying off a zachar.
Awaiting the tomatoes come flying

agreed!

Chayalle

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 3:23 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Things have also changed over here. Many don't do aufruf anymore. Instead, parents pay 50/50 for shabbos 7 brachot.
Litvish circles

never heard of this

But I have heard of people doing smaller affairs for Shabbos Sheva Brachos. For example, extended family isn't necessarily invited from both sides.

amother

Copper

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 9:28 pm

On this topic how much does one need to budget to marry off one’s daughter (OOT)?

Nothing fancy but decent affair, vort, sheva berachos, Chasan gifts, setting couple up in apt/housewares & furniture, gown, clothes.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 9:40 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

I have two children a year or so away from the parsha...I don't know why but this thread is giving me major anxiety. I am literally shaking....it will be a challenge to pay for all the expenses of marrying off children, but the dynamic of working with expectations of the in laws, and the possibility for hard feelings, is just making me a little nauseous and scared to be entering this stage... maybe because I watched our parents struggles, so many communication issues, everyone coming from such different places...

I feel the same way I am a few years away and can't imagine how I can make this happen.. I'm thinking of saying I have x amount available to give to the couple and that's it figure it out from there backyard wedding and done!

amother

Blonde

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 9:52 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Regular and rain shtreimel.

Rain shtreimels are cheap nowadays, you can get one for under $1000. And there's been a few new companies who've introduced cheaper ones for regular wear. There's really no need to spend that large sum any more.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 9:56 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

We should totally start a trend and just do it.!

amother

Mauve

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:00 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

I think the regular streimel is around 5,500 and rain is 2,000. I don't know, but I know 7,500 is standard for 2 new streimels. The company also cleans them forever and ever and redoes them if there are any issues. It's not like you buy a new one often.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:18 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

There's a whole new market of shtreimels for about $2000-3000. They look just as beautiful. I doubt most people can tell the difference. Perhaps if you hold it in your hand and study it under a light, you can tell. But once it's on the head, you can't tell a difference.

There are a host of new rain shtreimels being sold for under $1000. There's really no need to spend over the top like this anymore.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:21 pm

Chayalle wrote:

The same logic that's behind having the girl's side pay support.

Well, the logic for that is that the girl is paying for the honor and privilege of marrying the next gadol hador. What's the logic for the actual wedding that both equally take part in?

amother

Smokey

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:23 pm

I b"h just married off a daughter. We agreed on 50/50 for everything related to the couple and wedding night. B"H we were able to work it out very well. I also couldn't imagine how I am gonna manage to pay for everything I needed. I really relied 100% on Hashem and I was not disappointed.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:24 pm

My son has a friend who's probably getting married in the summer, he's totally planning a backyard wedding to save money...not sure if will actually do it but I thought it was a cute idea!

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:31 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I also would like to know. I indeed hope its NOT one of these "muskamot" that some people blurt out based on the only fact they are marrying off a zachar.
Awaiting the tomatoes come flying

I believe it’s because the boys family pays for jewelry. Also, it is customary for the girls side to host the wedding.

In every situation I know if you have more guests on either side then they pay for the extra guests proportionally.

I’m too tired and shouldn’t be on my phone, but I felt compelled since I’ve seen my parents go through this too many times. Men sometimes don’t like admitting that they don’t have endless money, they get caught up and promise things. Sit down with your husband and clarify. Create 2/3 options that work for you- a flops option. A 50/50 with a budget whatever. Then sit down with the machutanim. Even better if your shadchhan is good ask him to get involved....

Better to do it now than to be in over your head throughout and they won’t understand the resentment.

Gifts are not included in any cheshnon unless it’s the chasidish takana packages.

amother

Wine

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 11:06 pm

I know jewelry is expensive but the chosson gets
Becher,menorah, esrog holder, watch, shas, shabbos tallis with silver atara, tallis for weekday, tallis holders, kittel,
Some get a pesach set and machzorim

Add it up.

I think the 50/50 way is the best. Why should kallah side pay more for wedding?

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 11:29 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Yeah, seriously! Maybe we should make a shidduch between our kids, lol!

amother

Gray

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 11:44 pm

We did 50/50 for wedding and setting up apartment expenses.
Gifts (jewelry, silver, etc) were paid for by whoever gave the gift.
We paid for Vort & Shabbos Sheva Brachos. They made an aufruf shabbaton in his hometown.
Anything we wanted to upgrade (more expensive furniture) we asked before purchasing. If they wanted to upgrade something (flowers, invitations) they asked us.
If the other side didn't agree to the upgrade then it was either dismissed or the one who wanted it paid for it. Bh both sides were very reasonable and it was peaceful.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 5:45 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

It’s still way less than jewelry in most cases, obviously depends on what u get but overall

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 6:04 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

All the gifts you mention, are they considered standard in chassidish circles?
What is a tallis holder? A special clip?