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Self care story in Calligraphy



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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 5:46 am
I usually read for entertainment and don't compare it to real life. But I've recently been in quite a bad place and I've been running myself to the point of being a rag.

So when I saw the self care story I thought to myself finally someone that understands me! But no it made it all seem that Self care is too overrated I was so so upset because I finally bought myself something small before shabbes and I got a bad feeling after reading the story maybe I over did it Confused

Anyone else same feeling?
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Scotty




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 6:19 am
Didn’t read the story but have had similar experiences.... don’t let it get to you! When you’re nervous about doing something (even though it’s right, even though it’s crucial, even though it’s a mitzva because it’s so important), our brains are “stickier” with clinging to messages that reinforce our old behaviors because learning a new way is so scary and hard.
You can also think of it as the yetzer hara trying to “get you” back into that old bad way of thinking once you “broke free” and successfully took care of yourself a little bit!

Take a deep breath. Do you feel, deep down, that what you did was the right thing? If so, let the story go and say a perek of tehillim asking Hashem to make this journey to self health easier and to hold your hand. You will always be bombarded with messages your whole life - take the brave step of choosing the ones Hashem wants you to choose, and let the ones some writer decided to write but that aren’t applicable to you fall by the wayside.

Writers are not rabbanim, or even always very wise people. (And I say this as a writer who tries but has a long way to go in the wisdom department.) They write what they feel, and like all other humans sometimes they feel things that are incorrect and need readjustment. Or that don’t apply to all their readership. Sometimes they even cavalierly write things that aren’t appropriate (not out of maliciousness but out of ignorance). Sometimes what is important to the writer is wrong for the reader, sometimes the writer has more discovery to do, sometimes the writer’s feelings should not have made it to the page. Sometimes the writer doesn’t even feel strongly about what is so painful to you, only used it as a convenient moral to a story because they needed one and didn’t really think it through. It’s hard, because what’s printed is so easy to trust, but we readers need to sift through what we read to take out what is most helpful to our avodas Hashem. It’s a little bit like imamother- do you agree with everything that is commented? I hope not! This site represents so many different points of view expressed from Jewish women coming from a wonderful array of situations experiences and backgrounds - which gives us a fascinating spectrum of answers when you post a question, but very often may not be targeted to your specific situation or need because none of us know you, your background, or your situation. That’s why so many threads end with “ask your rabbi”.

There’s nothing wrong with bringing an article to a Rav who knows you and your life and asking him if it’s good for your self care journey, if it bothers you so much.

(Personally as someone who also struggles with self care - don’t we all? - I’m kind of horrified an article like this would exist but as I did not read it I cannot comment.)

Chazak v’ye’ematz! Don’t give up. If you’re doing the right thing, Hashem will help you, and it’s worth pursuing.
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fiji




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 6:52 am
In the story the protagonist went way overboard with “self care”- having cleaning help every day and getting expensive coffees and take out daily when they couldn’t afford it. If she would have done it once a week, she could have kept doing her “self care” without upsetting her husband or frivolously spending without a care. The Torah teaches that a husband should buy his wife new clothes before a yomtov- so clearly women are expected to want new things every so often. Buying yourself something small infrequently sounds like proper “self care”. Going overboard and splurging every day on new things when you can’t afford it is what the story was getting at (I think).
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amother
Peach


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 6:57 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I usually read for entertainment and don't compare it to real life. But I've recently been in quite a bad place and I've been running myself to the point of being a rag.

So when I saw the self care story I thought to myself finally someone that understands me! But no it made it all seem that Self care is too overrated I was so so upset because I finally bought myself something small before shabbes and I got a bad feeling after reading the story maybe I over did it Confused

Anyone else same feeling?


There is a difference of buying yourself something small and do little things of self care verses the story self care. She was absorbed in herself neglecting her family. Ruining her marriage and going bankrupt. Sure I do self care and my husband also does but we don’t do BIG self care decisions without each other. Buying myself something small for self care every so often is totally fine. Please do not double think your purchase.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:00 am
The story made me feel weird. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

Self care is important but everything in life has a balance. There is a balance, and the conclusion of the story was that it's either or. Or you are a selfish person who spends every day between the gym, spa, and vacations, or you work yourself to the bone without a thought for yourself.
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amother
Tan


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:08 am
Whoever wrote that is a writer- not your mentor and it’s fiction, not your bible.
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enjoying kids




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:15 am
I'm a much BETTER mother when I take care of myself.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:17 am
enjoying kids wrote:
I'm a much BETTER mother when I take care of myself.


Did you read the story? So am a better and calmer mom when I self care. I but there’s a difference of self care in real and in the story!
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:19 am
LovesHashem wrote:
The story made me feel weird. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

Self care is important but everything in life has a balance. There is a balance, and the conclusion of the story was that it's either or. Or you are a selfish person who spends every day between the gym, spa, and vacations, or you work yourself to the bone without a thought for yourself.


THANK YOU! You explained it much much better then I did! This is exactly what I felt
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:45 am
I didn’t like the story either. First she was a worn dishrag then she was a rotten queen. I get that the author was I trying to make a point - everything in balance- but I wished she would’ve shown what happy healthy medium looks like.
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:48 am
Didn't like the story either. It was basically musar. Quality literature captures a human experience and leaves the reader reflecting. This was propaganda against... Coffee and the gym? Super hyperbolic plot line just to drive a point home. Quite patronizing to the readers intelligence.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:36 am
Scotty wrote:


(Personally as someone who also struggles with self care - don’t we all? - I’m kind of horrified an article like this would exist but as I did not read it I cannot comment.)

.

It was a Fiction story, not an article...big difference... ( I awkwardly explain to the greatest frum fiction writer of all time LOL )
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amother
Olive


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:40 am
Scotty wrote:
Didn’t read the story but have had similar experiences.... don’t let it get to you! When you’re nervous about doing something (even though it’s right, even though it’s crucial, even though it’s a mitzva because it’s so important), our brains are “stickier” with clinging to messages that reinforce our old behaviors because learning a new way is so scary and hard.
You can also think of it as the yetzer hara trying to “get you” back into that old bad way of thinking once you “broke free” and successfully took care of yourself a little bit!

Take a deep breath. Do you feel, deep down, that what you did was the right thing? If so, let the story go and say a perek of tehillim asking Hashem to make this journey to self health easier and to hold your hand. You will always be bombarded with messages your whole life - take the brave step of choosing the ones Hashem wants you to choose, and let the ones some writer decided to write but that aren’t applicable to you fall by the wayside.

Writers are not rabbanim, or even always very wise people. (And I say this as a writer who tries but has a long way to go in the wisdom department.) They write what they feel, and like all other humans sometimes they feel things that are incorrect and need readjustment. Or that don’t apply to all their readership. Sometimes they even cavalierly write things that aren’t appropriate (not out of maliciousness but out of ignorance). Sometimes what is important to the writer is wrong for the reader, sometimes the writer has more discovery to do, sometimes the writer’s feelings should not have made it to the page. Sometimes the writer doesn’t even feel strongly about what is so painful to you, only used it as a convenient moral to a story because they needed one and didn’t really think it through. It’s hard, because what’s printed is so easy to trust, but we readers need to sift through what we read to take out what is most helpful to our avodas Hashem. It’s a little bit like imamother- do you agree with everything that is commented? I hope not! This site represents so many different points of view expressed from Jewish women coming from a wonderful array of situations experiences and backgrounds - which gives us a fascinating spectrum of answers when you post a question, but very often may not be targeted to your specific situation or need because none of us know you, your background, or your situation. That’s why so many threads end with “ask your rabbi”.

There’s nothing wrong with bringing an article to a Rav who knows you and your life and asking him if it’s good for your self care journey, if it bothers you so much.

(Personally as someone who also struggles with self care - don’t we all? - I’m kind of horrified an article like this would exist but as I did not read it I cannot comment.)

Chazak v’ye’ematz! Don’t give up. If you’re doing the right thing, Hashem will help you, and it’s worth pursuing.

Hi! I’m trying to buy your book Shortchanged, and I can’t find it for sale anywhere. I’ve asked around and a few people I know are looking for it too. How can I buy it?
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advocate




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 11:30 am
Re Shortchanged

You can try this:
https://www.israelbookshoppubl.....s=577
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amother
Lime


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 2:32 pm
The narrator went overboard. She wasn't doing self-care; she was being self-indulgent and irresponsible, until she finally realized that she had been led astray by someone equally self-indulgent and irresponsible.

In any case, it's fiction. Creative writing. Why are you getting bent out of shape by a fairy tale?
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