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After the l'chaim



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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 3:10 pm
My daughter will be having a l'chaim soon a'h. Her future in-laws are coming in from oot. My daughter said, in a casual way, so the in-laws will be staying here the night of the l'chaim. I was surprised, and didn't respond. I know they are financially strapped, but I feel it will be the first time I'm meeting them, and I'll be overwhelmed, especially if I have to put them up for the night, and serve breakfast the next day, etc....I mean, a night in a hotel where I live, cost about $120.
Am I making a big deal out of this? How would mothers out there feel in this situation?
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 3:12 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My daughter will be having a l'chaim soon a'h. Her future in-laws are coming in from oot. My daughter said, in a casual way, so the in-laws will be staying here the night of the l'chaim. I was surprised, and didn't respond. I know they are financially strapped, but I feel it will be the first time I'm meeting them, and I'll be overwhelmed, especially if I have to put them up for the night, and serve breakfast the next day, etc....I mean, a night in a hotel where I live, cost about $120.
Am I making a big deal out of this? How would mothers out there feel in this situation?

Without bringing in anything about money, why not tell your daughter that your house will be a little bit to hectic (BH for good reasons) and you can find a neighbor to host them.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 3:14 pm
That is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. Is there hachnasas orchim in your area? Why would mechatanim even want to do this? Sounds like a recpie for disaster.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 3:17 pm
I think hosting in-laws in your house is a bit close for comfort right now. And what about the Chassan, where will he sleep? In my circles, a Chassan and Kallah don't sleep in the same house before marriage.

Do you have a neighbor that can put them up?
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amother
Red


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 3:32 pm
Like everyone said put them up somewhere. Or if you can afford it maybe pay for their hotel room. If they are at neighbors they will likely hang out with you more than you want.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 3:32 pm
I think it’s weird that it’s assumed. It should be offered by you if you are comfortable but not an assumption. I think it would be normal to try to ask a friend or neighbor to put them up for the night
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 4:24 pm
tichellady wrote:
I think it’s weird that it’s assumed. It should be offered by you if you are comfortable but not an assumption. I think it would be normal to try to ask a friend or neighbor to put them up for the night


Its weird for a rational person to assume it.

It's not necessarily weird for a new kallah to assume it. She is young, and has not had the experience of making a simcha at home, and hasn't thought through what the house is going to be like. She wants to be able to feel closer to them, and for them to feel comfortable. Really it is a compliment that she is assuming you will open your house to them.

But she hasn't thought through the practicalities. She may not even have asked them what they want. I would speak directly to them, and ask if they want you to arrange accommodation at a friend or neighbour for them that night.
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Cookin4days




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 4:41 pm
It’s weird no one asked you first

Explain to your daughter that you would love to host them however that night is not the night for it - see if you can find them accommodations else where like family of friends
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:42 pm
You should find out if your daughter volunteered this offer or if the asked...seems like a weird request coming from the prospective mechutanim.
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