Describe yourself inside and out

Cheshire cat

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 9:11 pm

Hmmm, interesting thread concept.

I'll start, but will probably go anon if I feel uncomfortable with the results of my self assessment:

Outside: very blonde and fair skinned. Thin, tall, but boxy and rather graceless figure.
I tend to wear staid, well tailored clothes, because cute trendy outfits just look wrong on me.
Can look quite pretty, but only by investing time and effort- and patience!-which I usually dont have.

Inside....

I'm complicated. Overly self analytical, self conscious. I know I project a sense of confidence and competence that I do not feel inside.

Introvert, who is entirely lacking the 'small talk' gene. I'm slow and thought out- not glib, or funny-clever. I'm a really good listener though, and broken people tend to gravitate towards me, ever since I was a young kid. And I keep everyone's secrets locked inside.

While a fail at small talk, I'm an interesting, and interested conversationalist otherwise.

I'm very compassionate, and quietly go to great lengths to help out people around me who are suffering.

I can be moody and judgemental and sometimes, self righteous. I hate when that happens. (Ah, well, at least I'm self aware!)

I demand a high standard from myself, and from others.

I love to read. I'm not always so practical.

I have ADD, which I struggle to overcome every single day.

I live for my husband and children, and feel very very very blessed.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 9:38 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

Outside I look happy, inside I’m depressed.
Outside I look successful, inside I’m a mess.
I seem friendly and always appear to be in a good mood. I’m a great actress. Inside I’m anxious and in a lousy state. I just want to be left alone but people think I enjoy their company.
I’m smart and talented but don’t feel accomplished.
People are crazy over me but I’m going crazy from people.
Thanks for the opportunity to describe the real me!

Oh my gosh. This is so me!!!!!

And I'm the person who is always smiling. I am super friendly and a people's person.
I'm a lev tov and empathetic.
On the other hand, I'm a people pleaser and really care what people think, something I'm trying to overcome for a while.
I created a few brands, have been featured in magazines, I love to sing and paint and dance and can be super creative.

Yet many times I suffer from severe emotional distress and depression.

I can also be super lazy and very self critical. I'm not feeling very accomplished these days.

I'm rambling. It was good to get this out. Thanks!

amother

Red

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 9:49 pm

Outside I'm 5'2", very thin and petite. I always get comments about my figure when I shop for clothing (which I hate btw. Don't know why u think if s/o is pretty and thin u can say what u want to her...) I'm 23. My dress style is trendy but with class; I'm not the trendsetter.

I'm very open minded but because I try hard to dress with certain standards I can come across as more yeshivish on the outside then my hashkafos really are.
I'm outgoing but hate small talk with people I don't know, sensitive to others, kind, have a good sense of humor. I love social scenes but also could read in my bed all day.
Love to cook, hate to clean.
Here's the bad stuff: I can be impatient and I am a really smooth liar (ouch). I get easily stressed

tweety1

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 10:19 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

So is this post true or not Smile

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 10:20 pm

This is so interesting!

Visually I’m 5’7”, average weight (if distributed rather more pyramidically than I’d fantasize lol), late 30s (thank Gd!), and I wear only things that are “me”, colorful and funky and fun to look at but with only a passing correlation to what’s “in style” because I have leas than no patience to notice what’s in or not. I have four (cheap) wigs each in a different shade and cut for whatever I’m in the mood for. I’m hypoglycemic and super sensitive to what I eat but BH have finally become comfortable with that lifestyle, even if it sometimes makes me look crazy when eating in company :-)

Internally I’m conversationally zippy on my feet but am emotionally an introvert (a social refuel can be a ten minute conversation with a neighbor in a supermarket and last me a week.) I love to find happiness in music and enjoying moments with my (zany exhausting blessed) kids, but am a realist tilting toward the pessimistic scale (always better to expect the worst snd be pleasantly surprised). I struggle daily with depression and self loathing but have learned through determined therapy how to work around it and maybe not even believe it all the time! I’m a passionate believer in therapy and finding my own happiness by changing the broken bits of me even if it will take me a lifetime. I feel overwhelmed all the time but think a lot how I’m glad for the stuff I’ve got even if it’s overwhelming me, and that even if I can’t succeed trying my darndest is enough.

I have a lot to learn but function as (one of the) mentally healthy leaders of my extended family. This can be draining. Sometimes I think there isn’t enough of me to take care of my issues, my marriage, my children’s issues, my siblings’ in law issues, my parents’ issues, my in-laws’ issues, and then still have energy left to care about random other humans. (Which I don’t, not really. Dark secret.) but then I tell myself this is the way of the world, better be blessed to be the giver than the taker, and at least they don’t always all need me at once but in turns. But I still have no idea how people do it.

I used to be super creative but after an intense job and intense child rearing I have only residual interest or energy left in the crafting drawing painting etc I used to love. I find interest in learning new things instead, and in connecting ideas in my head. I love music and fiction and walking and organizing. I adore traveling but do it seldom. I love to bake, because it’s a concrete way of showing accomplishment and baalabustishkeit that I have so little time to do otherwise, and besides you get something nice to eat afterward.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother living life when it’s so overwhelming, but most of the time I just wait a moment and feel grateful a little and kind to myself and then I’m glad to be alive and for all the good things I’ve got, hard and lovely both!

Don’t know if anyone managed to make it this far down my rant but thanks for listening!

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 10:23 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

My daughter is going thru this. Outside live happy go lucky life of the party ansmd inside feels depressed and unloved even though she knows so many people love her. Any suggestions for her? She’s 14

amother

Taupe

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 10:43 pm

I'm low-average height. always struggling with my weight, although most I ever weighed was 145. I am in my low 20s. got married very young and I'm always pregnant or postpartum since. I enjoy hanging out with my friends, getting recognition for what I accomplish, fantasizing. I dislike cleaning, cooking, anything housework related. I get irritated when people waste my time, make me repeat things multiple times and forget what I told them, when people raise their kids in ways I disagree with. I am very opinionated, a bit controlling (yikes), deep thinker, go-getter.
I enjoy accomplishing a lot and have accomplished far more than most people my age: I.e. I had a Bachelors degree when I was 17, graduated my Masters program at the age of 19 (I was pregnant already), succeeded at multiple jobs and attained a very high position in the field before I was 20 (nobody knew my age, or I'd be fired!). trained in many people in the field at the age of 20. I hope to still accomplish much more.

naturalmom5

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 10:44 pm

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

I’ll do it anonymously Smile

I’m 25. Physically, I’m on the taller side of average, and on the lower end of average weight. I have blonde hair, although my wigs are closer to brown. Blue eyes. I wear whatever is trending, but with my own unique touch. Sometimes, I’ll even create my own version.
My job is super boring, I got a chop-plop degree in what a frum mommy is expected to get. But my hobbies are cool! I’m a major crafter. I flip furniture, I build, paint, sew. I’ve decorated all of my friends’ houses, and I’ve built/designed custom decor pieces.
I play 5 instruments, and I speak 4 languages.
I love to cook and bake and patchka in the kitchen. I’ve got all the appliances- pizza stone, dehydrator, creme brûlée torch, smoker, plus more.
What else do you wanna know? Smile

Sounds awesome
Wish I knew women like uou in real life

amother

cornflower

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 10:53 pm

Interesting exercise:

Outside:
In my high 20’s
Pretty typical looking. People are always telling me I look like someone they know (always someone else). I guess I just have one of those faces. Gray green blue eyes, light skin (I like my eyes), freckles in the summer... 5”2

I think I come across as quiet, unassuming but also friendly.

I think people assume I’m a typical BY type, maybe on the brighter side.

Everyone has a story and generally I like people.

I prefer dealing with emotionally mature people.

I can be... a little crazy. I love traveling and learning.
I tend to get along better with people who are culturally different then me.

When I’m anxious I can be abrupt or I just disappear.

I’ve been published.
I teach.

I’m really spiritual.
I love being in nature.
I love music but I can’t sing.
I love decorating.
I like organizing.
I like photography.
I draw.
Sometimes I’ll paint.

I read. A lot. Philosophy, history, psychology, Kabbalah, chassidus, mussar, anything on Jewish thought, other religions...

I believe there’s a spark of divinity in everything.

I’m interested in things normal people find weird.

I was abused growing up - the stereotypical scapegoat. But I did not take it sitting down.

I feel like my childhood was stolen from me, and sometimes I just want to curl under the covers and have someone mommy me.

I experience excruciating loneliness on a periodic basis.

I ride the waves of intense highs and intense lows.

Sometimes I’m filled with an intense love for all of humanity (especially Jews).
Sometimes I’m totally numb.

Judaism is not something I take for granted.
I feel like it’s an incredible privilege.
Im deeply religious, but I am interested in all forms and sorts of knowledge.

I can’t throw myself into something unless I truly believe in it and am passionate about it and all the moving pieces make sense to me.
It’s not something I choose. More like something I suffer from.

I am creative.
I am curious.
I am reckless.
I am serious.

I’m a study in contrasts.

In short, yes - I am weird.

But you’d never know.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 10:54 pm

Inside:
I'm an extroverted introvert- I can become best friends with strangers and be the life of the party, but it exhausts me. As I enter my 30s, I'm turning more into a real introvert, which is both good and bad. I like hosting guests, but not more often than one a month.

I love learning new things. Attended college but never graduated- mostly because I'm a great procrastinator. Got a good job anyway.

I cry easily and laugh all the time. I've gotten comments about how I'm a real ego boost because I laugh at the dumbest jokes.

Spirituality is very important to me, yet I still do things I'm not proud of. Mostly regarding wasting time on the internet and Netflix. (Love sci fi, history, and British comedy.) I can be sharp and impatient.

The highest compliment I ever received was, "when you talk, people listen. "
The worst insult was, "you are a betrayal to your people".
I don't really believe either of them, so I'm OK.

Outside:
I'm 5'5" and my best assets are my cheekbones, thanks mom! And I have nice teeth.
I kind of slouch when I walk and I always think I look natural and glowy when I look in the mirror at home, (with lots of natural light) but then I catch a glimpse of myself in a store, window, or at work and I always look puffy, pale, and sweaty! I guess my home mirrors are the only good ones in the world, lol!

I dress like a typical neutral chassidish woman, and then internally laugh at people's faces when they judge me by my appearance and then hear me speak with my natural accent.
I am biracial. I've dealt with racists, but I don't see how they are any worse than the snobs/jerks/idiots that every human being encounters in their lifetime. I "pass" as white, especially now that I cover my hair, so to some people that makes my opinion irrelevent, but I got my attitude from my father. Take it or leave it.

amother

Black

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:05 pm

Oh wow people really seem to have a deep inner world.

I will start mine though I can't imagine it will hold anyone's interest as I am likely the most boring person you have ever met (virtually). Literally nothing to write about myself. I'm not deep so maybe that's why. No talents or skills. Um what else..I am a real people pleaser. Very not controlling. I'm easy going and also easily swayed. I'm generally considered a nice person. Nothing amazing, like no one would rave about me "Shes such a wonderful special person..." just regular nice and good. I said no talents or skills and I mean no skills literally. There isnt anything I can say about myself that I'm better than anyone else at or that I stand out for. I am good at sitting on a couch if that counts. I don't have creative talents, I don't have a great outgoing nature and I'm not great with people. I'm not a deep intellectual type at all. I'm not good at writing or expressing myself.
I wonder as I'm writing this- am I the only person who has no "Type"? anyone else so typically boring?
I am the most unopinionated person out there.
I don't have close friends though I fantasize about close relationships and wish I had. I have had the opportunities to, yet I don't seem to know how to form close relationships and open up to people.
physically- average height (obviously) and weight. average looks. Not too pretty but BH not ugly. With makeup done right I can say I look very good.
I try to grow in my avodas Hashem but I am very slow at it.
Hope it was nice to meet me!

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:14 pm

Quote:

Therapy. Call RELIEF for a recommendation, take to daughter out to lunch or a coffee shop and talk to her you feel she’s in pain or unhappiness, and open the dialogue. Talk about how therapists are doctors doe the soul, and you would totally support her going if she wants to, and be involved whatever capacity (none if necessary!) she desires. You’ll pay foe her and drive her - it’s important she feel better.

If this convo feels weird to you maybe book a session with a therapist yourself to script how such a conversation might go if you want it to be successful.

This is the greatest gift you can give her!

amother

Aqua

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:24 pm

amother [ Black ] wrote:

Girl, you've got a sense of humor LOL

And you seem to express yourself quite well on here.
Oh and you seem to be super opinionated about yourself.

So look again, there's more to you thsn you give yourself credit for.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:58 pm

I am amazed at how in touch everyone is with herself! I feel like a chaotic mess inside right now...

Am I going through a sort of midlife crisis right now?. I chose a path in life to pull myself out a very traumatic childhood, and I accomplished just that ... only to realize that's not the real me, and I've spent the rest of my life trying to be me in a world where I don't fit. But I'm not sure where I fit anyway.

I am articulate and professional and empathetic and caring and put together and tasteful. My home is beautifully and meticulously decorated. I love all things interior decorating and artistic and fashion related, and crafting and sewing, but I never do these things because I am always busy trying to calm the anxiety and stress that is in my mind from raising my children. And from childhood trauma creeping up on me again. I love music, too.

I'm eccentric and creative and an artistic hippy, but I mask it, or I don't, depending on the day...so I confuse everyone by being an outer conformist but doing what is not the norm every so often. I'm not afraid to buck the tide and do my own thing, but I pay the price sometimes.

I like real, authentic friends and real authentic conversations, and I love my old friends. I don't like having you, and especially not your children, in my house. My house needs to be my private sanctuary or I loose my mind.

I hate guests. I hate waking up earlier than 10. I hate when our parents want to visit. I hate when my clean, organized house gets chaotic or messy or out of my control. I hate feeling judged, even favorably, and my role in the community invites judgement. I am a trauma survivor, and I want a lot of quiet time to soothe myself, or I can get irritable and snappy and yell. I can never get enough alone time.

Do you think you would like me in real life? Because anxiety and triggers over the past ten years has kept me from connecting too much. I don't have the emotional energy to invest too much in friendships these days ...

Last edited by amother on Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

Zehava

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:00 am

amother [ Black ] wrote:

Lemme guess
You spent your childhood being a good girl and appeasing your parent/s to avoid blowups and/or to get their approval. The only way you know how to relate to people is to be and do what you think they want you to. Almost like you merge with them until there is nothing left of you.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:08 am

Zehava wrote:

There's some of that, I definitely merge with everyone when I am conversing with them. But I think that's more because of my mazal, my sign is one of the water signs that takes the shape of whatever vessel it's in.

But while I spent my childhood feeling near the bottom of the social ladder, I didn't conform THEN. I conformed as a later teen, to pull my way out of dysfunction. Made big life choices based on conforming, and they worked, and now I'm in over my head.