Middle class finance vent!!

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:05 pm

BH my husband has been working this way up over the years in the company he started working in 5 years ago he started at the bottom. My kids qualified for medical assistance that's how low his pay was. BH now our combined income is 75,000-80,000 (I'm a preschool teacher) and we were finally in a good place. We live out of town and live a very budget conscious life. My husband got his new position a few months ago and we were finally making plans to re mortgage and do a cash out refinance type thing so we can expand our small starter house that we are BH outgrowing (BH we bought a house some time ago for an amazing price before the house market really shot up here so makes more sense to expand then move) and we were feeling really good.

Then Bam. Our kids don't qualify for the free government chip health insurance they were on so we have to pay for the low cost plan. $50 per month x4= $200 plus copays ($5 a sick visit $10 a specialist this will add up especially as I have one child that does have quite a few specialists he goes too...) And there goes most of the money we were banking on to help cover a bigger mortgage to do what we wanted to do.

Ugh ugh ugh. I feel so down right now like why and how?! I'm originally from a different country that has socialized medicine (and paid maternity leave and a monthly child benefit...) And I just can't wrap my head around the fact that the US fails to provide such a basic need... We already pay for my husband and my own insurance which isn't cheap but BH he gets a good plan from work that is manageable although does have high copays and also a deductible so wouldn't make sense to put my kids on it. I just feel so stuck.

Meanwhile I'm also desperate for a new sheitel which we technically could finally do now with some of the stimulus money we had a whole plan for it all being carefully budgeted and this was going to be the one splurge but I feel so guilty spending the money on it especially with this blow we just got. Then their are people that earn less then me and are on every government program imaginable and can afford to get that new sheitel. Sometimes I wonder maybe it's better to have the lower income? Why are we trying so hard to make it if it just comes back to bite us...

Ok just a long vent I know that there is nothing anyone can do to help but just had to get it out somewhere. That felt therapeutic to write...

amother

Peach

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I know this is a vent but did you know we are getting a monthly child benefit starting in the summer?

amother

Emerald

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:09 pm

Just wait until you don’t qualify for the subsidized amount and you’re paying $3000 a month. It sucks.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:13 pm

Lower middle class and drowning. No programs, which I have mixed feelings about. I live in a place where it feels like everyone is on Medicaid and gets braces covered also going to Florida.

amother

Green

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:15 pm

I'm sorry that's annoying:(

Buy yourself the new sheitel. It's 1000k and it will enhance your quality of life for a while. You are supporting yourself and that's GREAT! Iyh your husband's income will continue to increase. Can you think of how to increase your earning potential?

amother

Taupe

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:16 pm

I don’t mean to be rude, but making 80k with a family isn’t middle class...

I would consider that low class and I give you all the credit for making ends meet like that. Bh my husband and I make more than double that and we don’t put half in savings...

amother

Pink

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:19 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

Lower middle class and drowning. No programs, which I have mixed feelings about. I live in a place where it feels like everyone is on Medicaid and gets braces covered also going to Florida.

Same here. OP, I don't know how you manage on 80K. I live in NY. DH brings home about $100K and we are really struggling. We don't own a home and we can't even manage to save up for a down-payment. We pay for everyone's health insurance, DH & me don't have dental, every doctors visit and medication is a copay. Between this and tuition & frum life expenses, we manage month to month. It's so hard to be struggling like this while so many people in the community are on all sorts and programs while seemingly living a luxuries life and thinking that we're the rich one's because we don't qualify for programs. The system really sucks.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:24 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I really empathize with you, with working so hard and still barely being able to make ends meet, the sudden unplanned expenses, the feeling that there’s nothing you can do to fix the situation by you’re already doing all you can.

I don’t have answers but I do have one small suggestion re a new shaitel. My son recently got married and I really wanted a new shaitel but couldn’t afford to shell out a few thousand dollars. I went to a wig store in the mall thinking I’d get a synthetic and do a nice updo. Instead I found a beautiful, soft human hair shaitel. It’s literally the nicest shaitel I’ve ever owned and I usually pay in the $1000 range. It cost me only $200. I don’t know why we’re all brainwashed into paying thousands for a shaitel! Anyway try it. I thought there was a catch but I’m wearing it 6 weeks already and it still looks fresh.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:26 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Maybe to you it’s “low class” but for me that’s 6 years of school and an advanced professional degree. That’s a lot of work and effort to end up “low class.”

amother

Wine

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:27 pm

I just wanted to point out that in New York they couldn’t kick anyone off the marketplace no matter the income change. And that on the recording it says the only thing you need to report these days are address changes.

I actually did update my income change a couple of months back, and got a termination letter that never went through.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:30 pm

dh makes about 41k a year. im not salaried so every month my paycheck is diff. canbe 4k one month, 1k the next. we only have one baby now but we're starting to feel overwhelmed already.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:30 pm

If it helps, we make over $150-$200k combined and pay $$$ for health insurance - 1200 a month and that’s with benefits from the workplace thank GD!!!!!! Therapies all out of pocket, no programs, we asked for cuts from all our schools and there are plenty of weeks we can’t afford groceries and make do with what is in the pantry. I have taken money out of my kitchen pushke for gas so I could do carpool (leaving an IOU behind of course) because there wasn’t a red cent in the house or bank otherwise. We live as simply and frugally as I can mentally stretch while Juggling work and home and everyone’s needs. I have no clue how anyone makes ends meet. We’re so deep in debt for the basics I can’t even tell you.

amother

Green

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:34 pm

In a place like Cleveland 80k is middle class. Your mortgage is like 1k and tuition is free to cheap.

amother

Gold

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:34 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

Same here. OP, I don't know how you're managed on 80K. I live in NY. DH brings home about $100K and we are really struggling. We don't own a home and we can't even manage to save up for a down-payment. We pay for everyone's health insurance, DH & me don't have dental, every doctors visit and medication is a copay. Between this and tuition & frum life expenses, we manage month to month. It's so hard to be struggling like this while so many people in the community are on all sorts and programs while seemingly living a luxuries life and thinking that we're the rich one's because we don't qualify for programs. The system really sucks.

If you give up your citizenship you will get free everything in NY. You're welcome.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:34 pm

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

Maybe to you it’s “low class” but for me that’s 6 years of school and an advanced professional degree. That’s a lot of work and effort to end up “low class.”

She wrote that it’s a combined income...

It’s definitely to the lower end of being sufficient for a frum family budget.

miami85

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:35 pm

I remember when that was us in NY and we went from not qualifying for medicaid by a few thousand to my husband getting a job and then we were making close to 100K combined and yea we thought we finally were "making it" but we lost all our govt help and kollel bonuses plus all the issues of having 2 working parents--kids getting sick and days off for yom tov. We ended up leaving NY, both of our jobs have health insurance, and my kids can be on my plan, but if not for school vouchers where we live we'd still be struggling much more than we are, we are finally getting out the debt we accrued while drowning in NY.

amother

Bronze

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:36 pm

I hear you OP. I make $50k ish a year after 6.5 years of school too... I have potential to earn more which will happen over the next 5-10 years. But I literally keep my job for the health insurance. I had Medicaid for a while I was in school but we got off of it asap so we wouldn't get stuck. My dh has his own business but isn't making anything yet. I am OOT too. I am very careful about budgeting and not spending on luxuries or things we can do without. But it is still very hard to make it all work.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:45 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

She wrote that it’s a combined income...

It’s definitely to the lower end of being sufficient for a frum family budget.

In most of America many professionals with degrees make in the $80,000 range. They’re not considered “low class.” Only in the frum world with its ridiculous expectations are you scorned as “low class” if you make above the American median family income.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:50 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

It's so hard to be struggling like this while so many people in the community are on all sorts and programs while seemingly living a luxuries life and thinking that we're the rich one's because we don't qualify for programs. The system really sucks.

Ha, yes. A relative just asked me; “are you on Medicaid? Probably not.” (I got annoyed at that - what’s that assumption?)
And then explained to me how people are getting their kids shoes in the local stores paid for by Medicaid (they get a scrip for arches and get a voucher for shoes or something).

amother

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:50 pm

Thanks for all the responses! Feels good to be heard and hey misery loves company so although I wish ppl weren't struggling too it's nice to hear from other people going through the same. Yes I know 80k does not sound middle class to a New Yorker but out of town it is... Well probably the lower range of middle class but not struggling BH. Also middle class in jewish terms is way different to the general population but thats a whole other conversation.
We really worked hard to get where we are and a log of hashgacha for instance this house fell into our laps we were not planning on buying yet but it was a good price and a good location and BH my husband had savings from before he was married and we only had one child at the time so were able to make it work. Even though we really could breath a little easier now which we do since his raise we try to keep to the same budget so we can afford to do the stuff we want which will be better for us in the long run. Then end of the month we are very concious of what we spend and try to use what we have in the house more and go shopping less to keep within that budget.

Anyways this really helped me I also had a good conversation with my husband and we decided on our next steps for now even though it's not what we were anticipating we are going to make it work. After all it's all in Hashems hand at the end of the day and we have seen so many times ways that things have just worked out bc of yad Hashem, we just got to do our hishtadlus and trust He will come through...
Oh and he said that I have to get the new sheitel Smile

that money is earmarked for that and I really need it to make me feel much better even if I don't want to spend the money... (I only leave the house in a sheitel and my current everyday one is 8+ years old been revamped once and is amazing for it's age but really needs an upgrade...)

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