Teen “bedtime”

amother

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 5:09 am

Do teens ages 16/17 need a “bedtime”?
Can they stay up until whenever they please?
Restrictions on phone or computer use after a certain hour?

amother

Lime

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 5:12 am

I may be the exception, but I never imposed bedtime on my teens. I treated them as fully grown adults in that department. I never commented on their bedtime.I lLeft it totally up to them. It helped me keep my stress level down lol.

amother

Apricot

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 5:18 am

A bedtime for a 16 or 17 yr old? No, that is treating them like a baby. Someone who can get married/vote/enlist/move out in a year or two should not have a bedtime. Independence needs to be eased into gradually. Otherwise you have 19 yr olds who can't manage without being told what to do.

Computer and phone limitations will vary by community. We don't restrict at that age. If you have normative teens who are functioning well then I wouldn't fight with them over when to turn off the phone. If OTOH you have a teen who plays games 24/7, then you will need a different approach.

singleagain

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 5:22 am

I don't remember having much of a bedtime back then but eventually I figured out how to self-regulate because I still needed to get up for school.

I think unless it's sincerely impacting their health and even then it should more be about discussion like this is probably a better idea and not an imposition.

amother

Copper

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 5:23 am

In my house we have :
Sweetie, it’s really late, you are going to have a hard time getting up in the morning.
Go to sleep-studying more is self defeating because if you are tired you won’t perform as well on the test.
I’m tired and going to bed, try to go to bed soon.

I tell her to go to bed. She does or doesn’t listen. There is no set time. Some nights she is tired, some nights she has more homework, some nights she has more social things.

amother

Teal

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 5:24 am

At that age, I can't see myself imposing a bedtime. If they are waking up early enough to meet their daily responsibilities (most obviously getting to school on time), then I would leave it alone except maybe for the occasional unsolicited advice for them to take or leave.

If the lack of sleep results in them missing responsibilities more than rarely, then I would consider putting some sort of measures in place.

This is theoretical for me now, because my kids are young. But I went to a boarding high school and the above is similar to how things worked there. Kids whose attendance and performance was fine had a lot of autonomy. Kids who repeatedly missed class or were in danger of failing classes had restrictions imposed on their time until they improved. It seems reasonable to me and I think most kids understood why it worked how it did.

Chayalle

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 6:32 am

Even my 13-year-old self "policies" her bedtime already. She knows she needs enough sleep to function. Occasionally she will go to sleep a bit later - like after 10 pm - especially if there's "action" in the house....and then she'll be tired, and go to sleep much earlier the next night. I consider this part of learning to take care of yourself - life your life - and it's healthy for her to realize her needs on her own.

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 6:34 am

Chayalle wrote:

Same. My 13 year old son puts himself to bed. He says he needs 10 hours of sleep a night lol

amother

Orange

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 6:38 am

My 13 yr old puts himself to bed a normal time
And wakes up on his own.
.
My 15 yr old would love to stay up until all hours but our house becomes really quiet early. There is technology really so at a certain point it’s boring and he’ll go to sleep. He had a hard time waking up in the morning but I can’t change that.

I think having a quiet house helps encourage normal sleeping habits (like you and dh get to bed early).

stillnewlywed

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 6:48 am

No, your teens do not need a bedtime. If you want them to hang out in their rooms after a certain hour I think that's OK. But what they do in there is their business.

amother

Oak

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 7:44 am

I do encourage my overly studious daughters to go to sleep, but there is no enforced bedtime. Bein Hazmanim when my boys are home they are up super late, but I think it so nice that they have that bonding time, especially when not on a school night.

Regarding technology, we have the internet disabled from our family computer from midnight to 7 a.m. It's more so that my husband and I can go to sleep without worrying what our kids may be doing online (on a totally filtered computer, but you never know...). It is the only access point they have to being online and is in a public place in the house, so before midnight anyone can walk by and see what they are doing. We adults sleep better knowing they can't get online in the middle of the night.

amother

Coral

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:25 am

If said teen is not awake on time they do not leave you with a large choice in this. If they do, let them self regulate.

amother

Apricot

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:33 am

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

If said teen is not awake on time they do not leave you with a large choice in this. If they do, let them self regulate.

Even if they don't wake up on time, it's pretty impossible to force a 16 or 17 yr old to go to bed. You and and should advise, you can't force.
Choose your battles.

amother

Coral

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:52 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Even if they don't wake up on time, it's pretty impossible to force a 16 or 17 yr old to go to bed. You and and should advise, you can't force.
Choose your battles.

You cannot force but you still have influence.

amother

Teal

Fri, Apr 16 2021, 9:21 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Even if they don't wake up on time, it's pretty impossible to force a 16 or 17 yr old to go to bed. You and and should advise, you can't force.
Choose your battles.

You can't force a teenager into bed or to sleep, but you can implement other restrictions, whether it's a being limited to their bedroom after a certain time, turning off wi-fi at a certain time, or removing other electronics.

I don't think any of these should even be considered just for the sake of bedtime on principle. Only if there are observable bad outcomes, such as school attendance problems, and even then the kids should be given additional chances to show they can handle more autonomy.

yksraya

Sat, Apr 17 2021, 9:27 pm

No official bedtime. We can sometimes send the teens upstairs and remind them they have to wake early for the busses etc. but usually they would go to sleep a decent hour without us having to say anything.

I often go to sleep, or go into my room, before them. So it kinda gets boring to stay up. They also have the pressure to wake on time and not be late, not to get into trouble in school/chedder.

I find that as soon as they turn into pre-teens, the best way to avoid a battle, is to trust them they can handle their own bedtime.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Apr 18 2021, 12:42 am

While I agree teens don't need a bedtime they do need help learning how to make smart choices and plan etc.
So often I say to my various teens after dinner "what are your plans for the eve?" Then they will say " I have an HR of math, then will relax a bit then shower etc."
I may prompt and say "what time do u hope to shower by?" Just in a friendly conversation way. This gets them thinking , planning etc
If I see a kid is super tired I may say "I see you've been so tired lately. Do u think you've been getting enuf sleep? What time have u been turning out light?" Again just a discussion and reflection, not an upset or accusing or demanding.
For my younger teens 12 and 13 I will say straight out after a discussion "what time do u plan to turn out your light"
5 teens BH and this works here. Smile