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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Threatening not to go to school or day camp
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shaqued_almond




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:35 am
I don't understand why so many people think that the daughter is somehow neglected if she doesn't get a new set of shoes when she just got new shoes.if it's necessary for the camp then buy it but if she only wants to get them because her friends have them so she can work for it. you're not doing your kids any favors by spoiling them. It's not like the child is barefoot.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:41 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
I don't understand why so many people think that the daughter is somehow neglected if she doesn't get a new set of shoes when she just got new shoes.if it's necessary for the camp then buy it but if she only wants to get them because her friends have them so she can work for it. you're not doing your kids any favors by spoiling them. It's not like the child is barefoot.


Again, sneakers for camp is a standard basic that a child should not have to work to earn them. Getting a child sneakers isn't spoiling them. It's unfair to get a child 1 pair of shoes that they must wear most hours of the day, every day, for 5-6 months. It makes no sense. I'm sure OP doesn't own 1 pair of shoes that she wears most of the day every single day.
Fighting and putting up a power struggle with a child over a pair of sneakers is guaranteed to damage the child and their relationship with their parents way more than any "spoiling" ever would.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:42 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
I don't understand why so many people think that the daughter is somehow neglected if she doesn't get a new set of shoes when she just got new shoes.if it's necessary for the camp then buy it but if she only wants to get them because her friends have them so she can work for it. you're not doing your kids any favors by spoiling them. It's not like the child is barefoot.

Sneakers are necessary for camp.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:43 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
I don't understand why so many people think that the daughter is somehow neglected if she doesn't get a new set of shoes when she just got new shoes.if it's necessary for the camp then buy it but if she only wants to get them because her friends have them so she can work for it. you're not doing your kids any favors by spoiling them. It's not like the child is barefoot.


Its necessary for camp.

Read the thread.

Mom asked daughter to buy a pair of shoes that would work for school and camp. Daughter buys a pair of shoes that fit this criteria, the returns them. Instead, purchases a pair that would only work for school.

Basic sneaker for camp isn't spoiling a child.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:45 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
I don't understand why so many people think that the daughter is somehow neglected if she doesn't get a new set of shoes when she just got new shoes.if it's necessary for the camp then buy it but if she only wants to get them because her friends have them so she can work for it. you're not doing your kids any favors by spoiling them. It's not like the child is barefoot.


This point is actually being debated in another thread. And I disagree with you. A certain amount of "spoiling" does not spoil a child, and does indeed do them a favor. It can make them feel understood, loved, and cared for, and is a big part of a healthy upbringing.

Especially if it's just sneakers.
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Petra




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:49 am
Glad I don’t live in a place where my child feels the social pressure so much to conform, else her entire emotional well being is on the line.

Great message to perpetuate.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 9:55 am
Petra wrote:
Glad I don’t live in a place where my child feels the social pressure so much to conform, else her entire emotional well being is on the line.

Great message to perpetuate.


Sneakers for the summer is not "social pressure to conform!!!" It's a basic just like any other basic. Do you also think getting a winter coat or boots is a social pressure to conform??? Sneakers is no different! Don't your kids have sneakers?? I don't think there are many kids that don't have sneakers for the summer, it's a basic just like any other basic. It would never occur to me not to buy sneakers for the summer.
OP is the adult here that made a mistake, her daughter shouldn't have to paying for her mother's mistake. It is unfair and controlling. I'm literally scratching my head that a parent would put up a power struggle with a child over a pair of sneakers.
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:05 am
Petra wrote:
Glad I don’t live in a place where my child feels the social pressure so much to conform, else her entire emotional well being is on the line.

Great message to perpetuate.


Most societies have their own set of social pressures and conformities. Some just don't realize it.
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shaqued_almond




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:05 am
Again, if she needs them for camp then get them but if she doesn't then it's a different story. It depends on the camp. If they do hiking, sports or outside activities you need sneakers. If the camp is mostly indoors like an art or Drama camp she doesn't need sneakers. To sum up: need is ok. If she just wants it because her friends do ( which the OP mentioned) then it's not a need.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:08 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
Again, if she needs them for camp then get them but if she doesn't then it's a different story. It depends on the camp. If they do hiking, sports or outside activities you need sneakers. If the camp is mostly indoors like an art or Drama camp she doesn't need sneakers. To sum up: need is ok. If she just wants it because her friends do ( which the OP mentioned) then it's not a need.


Sneakers for the summer is a basic need and it's unfair to get a child just 1 pair of shoes in March and make them wear it every single day till September. I'm sure OP owns more than 1 pair of shoes.
OP mentioned that she threatens this child a lot, fighting over silly sneakers is a guarantee to ruin their relationship. OP needs to learn better parenting skills especially when it comes to a challenging child. Don't make a power struggle over something so trivial. The fact that OP is seeing it as a "win" for herself that her daughter gave in and decided to earn the sneakers, is concerning and controlling.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:10 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
Again, if she needs them for camp then get them but if she doesn't then it's a different story. It depends on the camp. If they do hiking, sports or outside activities you need sneakers. If the camp is mostly indoors like an art or Drama camp she doesn't need sneakers. To sum up: need is ok. If she just wants it because her friends do ( which the OP mentioned) then it's not a need.


OP mentioned her daughter picked out shoes that were only suitable for school. So it is a need.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:12 am
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
Sneakers for the summer is a basic need and it's unfair to get a child just 1 pair of shoes in March and make them wear it every single day till September. I'm sure OP owns more than 1 pair of shoes.


I believe OP said the DD had natives or crocs as well.

Which some kids OOT wear all summer.
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:14 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
Again, if she needs them for camp then get them but if she doesn't then it's a different story. It depends on the camp. If they do hiking, sports or outside activities you need sneakers. If the camp is mostly indoors like an art or Drama camp she doesn't need sneakers. To sum up: need is ok. If she just wants it because her friends do ( which the OP mentioned) then it's not a need.


What do you consider a need?
Would you send your kid to school with natives because shoes aren’t really a need?
If your kids wouldn’t go to school you most probably would let them wear their natives all day every day. So technically shoes are really just a want because they’re friends all have shoes not because they need it.
If you agree with this then I understand that sneakers might be a want actually but if you realize that this makes no sense then you should realize that it’s the same with sneakers. It’s a need because that’s what you do. The same reason why you buy shoes for school and don’t send them with natives.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:15 am
Petra wrote:
Glad I don’t live in a place where my child feels the social pressure so much to conform, else her entire emotional well being is on the line.

Great message to perpetuate.


most children don't want to be the odd one out.

most parents also don't want their child to be the odd one out.

If my child wants to be different - great. If she doesn't - I'm going to do my best to accommodate 'normal'.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:17 am
imasinger wrote:
I believe OP said the DD had natives or crocs as well.

Which some kids OOT wear all summer.


But OP lives in Brooklyn and natives/crocs aren't considered shoes and kids certainly don't wear them to camp. Kids in Brooklyn aren't walking the streets or going shopping in natives. They're house shoes or for playing outside.
In the bungalow colony it is more common to wear natives or crocs all summer, they're not going anywhere.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:19 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
Again, if she needs them for camp then get them but if she doesn't then it's a different story. It depends on the camp. If they do hiking, sports or outside activities you need sneakers. If the camp is mostly indoors like an art or Drama camp she doesn't need sneakers. To sum up: need is ok. If she just wants it because her friends do ( which the OP mentioned) then it's not a need.


The Brooklyn indoor daycamps do both. Outdoor trips, playing ball/sports plus crafts & baking.
The girls still wear sneakers even so.

The extra expense is that schools don't allow sneakers or sandals in school, and only dark shoes for school. Come spring every girl is getting new spring school shoes for couple of weeks. Sometimes a school fall shoe will last & fit till end of school year & sometimes not. If it is an all year round style you can still make it work till end of school year. If it is more of a wintery look then no.

In summer, more than one pair is usually needed as kids are outdoors more, and when it gets wet, you need another pair, to get into. The loafer can be the second spare but not the first. Most kids will have sneakers & sandals in the summer. I don't know if natives are allowed or worn to daycamp in Brooklyn. I think it is more reserved as slippers/home/backyard/playground shoes.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:22 am
dankbar wrote:
The Brooklyn indoor daycamps do both. Outdoor trips, playing ball/sports plus crafts & baking.
The girls still wear sneakers even so.

The extra expense is that schools don't allow sneakers or sandals in school, and only dark shoes for school. Come spring every girl is getting new spring school shoes for couple of weeks. Sometimes a school fall shoe will last & fit till end of school year & sometimes not. If it is an all year round style you can still make it work till end of school year. If it is more of a wintery look then no.

In summer, more than one pair is usually needed as kids are outdoors more, and when it gets wet, you need another pair, to get into. The loafer can be the second spare but not the first. Most kids will have sneakers & sandals in the summer. I don't know if natives are allowed or worn to daycamp in Brooklyn. I think it is more reserved as slippers/home/backyard/playground shoes.


I mentioned already upthread that this is not true. I don't know of any schools that do not allow sneakers to school.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:22 am
imasinger wrote:
I believe OP said the DD had natives or crocs as well.

Which some kids OOT wear all summer.


I live in Lakewood. Natives and Crocs are beach/swimwear. They aren't worn to daycamp at age 11 (some younger kids, like 3 year olds, do, but not pre-teens.)

I would think Brooklyn is similar to Lakewood, not OOT.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:23 am
Wow. I am getting quite education about needs when it comes to shoes. I never knew that kids needed so many types of footwear. They grow out of them in 6 months or a year for goodness sake. I always thought 1 pair of shoes for weekday (whether is loafers, sandals, crocs, natives, sneakers, ballet flats, whatever makes sense for the age and season) was enough and 1 pair of shabbos shoes. And snow boots for winter. Zeh hu.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Apr 22 2021, 10:24 am
amother [ Natural ] wrote:
Wow. I am getting quite education about needs when it comes to shoes. I never knew that kids needed so many types of footwear. They grow out of them in 6 months or a year for goodness sake. I always thought 1 pair of shoes for weekday (whether is loafers, sandals, crocs, natives, sneakers, ballet flats, whatever makes sense for the age and season) was enough and 1 pair of shabbos shoes. And snow boots for winter. Zeh hu.


Do you own just 1 pair of shoes that you wear for most of the day every day for 6 months straight?
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