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What do you tell your employer.....

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 9:48 am
What would you tell your employer if you are actually going through a miscarriage, will have a d&c and will need more days to recover?
Do you just tell him/her that you are having a "minor" surgery and need some days to recover, without being specific?

I work in a Jewish organization, mostly men.
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Teomima




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 9:53 am
I'm so sorry you're going through this.

At the time I did not say anything. My employers didn't know I was pregnant yet. I told them I was ill, I was in the hospital briefly, and needed to take some sick days. In retrospect, however, I wish I had been more open with them. I had a good relationship with my employers but did not yet know how to talk about my miscarriage.

During my next pregnancy I was having issues and was afraid of another m/c and had to take time off for bed rest. At that time I told them everything, including about the previous m/c. They were so kind and understanding.

But of course it depends on how you feel with them.
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 9:56 am
Just be vague.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 9:56 am
I don't think it shouldn't matter if the organization is Jewish or if the coworkers are male it should matter about your comfort and your knowledge of the rights that you have to be able to take time off without explaining your whole personal life which they are not really entitled to know
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 9:59 am
It's different if it's an ongoing situation or will be an extended period of time.
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amother




Coffee
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:05 am
Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re going through this!

My first miscarriage at my current job, I had my husband tell my boss after I was already a few days out (they know each other from the community) I don’t remember what I did about the next few. My most recent one I told my boss I had a medical situation and had to take off. I think he figured it out based on my history Sad.
If it’s only a few days you can just say something came up etc... but if it’s longer maybe give a drop more info. Like “I’m having a medical situation, but I will be fine iyh.”

On the flip side I’m really happy I told the ladies I work with because it’s nice that when I went back the people I spend all day with know what I’ve been through.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:06 am
I did, but I was back at work day after d&c (fwiw) I’m sorry for your loss
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:08 am
I’m sorry! It’s up to you. You can be vague or share more, whatever you feel more comfortable with
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:19 am
Thanks for the suggestion. I’m not open with my employer and nobody knows I’m pregnant at work. So if I say a have a medical condition, I hope he won’t think anything COVID because we’re living during this time and when someone says he’s sick, right away people think COVID.
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amother




Coffee
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:24 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks for the suggestion. I’m not open with my employer and nobody knows I’m pregnant at work. So if I say a have a medical condition, I hope he won’t think anything COVID because we’re living during this time and when someone says he’s sick, right away people think COVID.


You can say something like “it’s something medical. But don’t worry not COVID related” with a smile, cuz we all know that that is on people’s minds.
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groovy1224




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:31 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks for the suggestion. I’m not open with my employer and nobody knows I’m pregnant at work. So if I say a have a medical condition, I hope he won’t think anything COVID because we’re living during this time and when someone says he’s sick, right away people think COVID.


Just say you are having a procedure done, and will need a few days recovery time.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:31 am
I would say I'll be out for medical reasons for a few days.

Physically I could have gone back to work the next day; but you might need some time to recover emotionally.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:45 am
allthingsblue wrote:
I would say I'll be out for medical reasons for a few days.

Physically I could have gone back to work the next day; but you might need some time to recover emotionally.

I’m hoping recovery won’t be so bad but I’m just preparing incase I need to take some time off. Unfortunately, emotionally it has been very difficult the last couple of weeks but I still went to work
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:47 am
I said I was dealing with an urgent medical issue and will be back on x day. You’re not required to share any details.
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amother




Lilac
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 11:10 am
I’m sorry for your loss. I just looked up the email I sent when I was going through this a few months ago.

Quote:
Dear [boss],

I had a non-contagious medical issue crop up, so I need so I need to take a sick day tomorrow to take care of it. I’ll still be on slack and email if you need anything.

Sorry for the inconvenience,
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 11:34 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
What would you tell your employer if you are actually going through a miscarriage, will have a d&c and will need more days to recover?
.


Absolutely NOT. Your medical condition is none of your employer's business. Just say you're going to have a medical procedure and will need X days of sick leave.
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amother




Purple
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 11:36 am
I just told my employer that a small medical situation came up and I would need to take off but I would hopefully be back on x day.
I think it largely depends on what sort of relationship you have with your boss and if you feel comfortable talking about it with him/her. But you don't have to feel like you have to say what exactly the situation. That is private and you only need to share if you feel comfortable doing it
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amother




Black
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 11:41 am
Hug
Tell them you have a procedure scheduled on 0x/0x/2021, and will be able to come back to work on 0y/0y/2021.
Refuah shleimah
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alwayssmiling




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 11:42 am
I missed right before succos so that made missing work somewhat simpler.
I ended up telling my employer(Woman)on advice of DH and even though it was hard and awkward she was really understanding. It felt good knowing that there's one person in the office who knew and was sort of looking out for me
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amother




Babypink
 

Post Tue, Apr 20 2021, 11:52 am
Depends on what YOU want to say
I didn’t say anything, went into work as usual.
I was told I didn’t look myself and asked if Im alright and if I wanted to go home. I said “yeah I had m/c last night” they asked why I felt the need to come in and that it was okay to take off and be home. But I just explained that I didn’t want to be home alone thinking about things and would rather work. They always kept an eye on my well-being after that. In a discreet and kind way.
You can say whatever works for you. If you say what happened, it’s more likely that they’ll be able to understand and be sympathetic, but do whatever works for you.
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