Looking for a great mekubal or something

Chickensoupprof

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 8:17 am

Hi,

some of you know my story...But in short, I started and quit 4 studies and the same with jobs. I had at lot of studies negative feedback and got really stgimatized. One teacher literally said to me people with ASD are not allowed to become (and that was my dream after high school)a drama teacher.
And that it was a shame I dared to study. Because I'm not good in IT, maths or anything else I went to the social work, I did all my interns good however groupwork, team building and the like was something I failed at, I asked for help how to do it better and they basically said ''no becasue you are ASD you cannot do this and you are an adult and you should do better''. This went on and on and I went to the university but this was also a failure and I feel so failed. I just want to make some parnossa, pay off my study loans and work and have succes. I don't have succes.

Now I'm with a coach looking for work but that is hard because lots of things are IT or computer like and I'm no fan, or it is like gardening things and well... that is far below my level. I just want to know from a tzaddik/mekubal how can read my neshama what I can do. What will fit for me.. I need a provecy I'm way too scared to begin with anything else and again get critcism that I'm too slow or too hard to reach... Or that I'm clumpsy... I feel like a Untermensch were everyone get spit on when it goes about work or study. Yesterday I had a conversation again and since that I feel anxious about my future. I want to start but I'm sooooo scared.... And then I'm calling my mother and then she is like ''I tried everything... why are you not going X I did already a lot'' I just need have a yeshua or something I can't sit at home all day browsing on imamother and listening to podcasts make dinner and go to bed. I'm bored I want to be succesfull.

So who can read to my neshama? Who can give me a yeshua I'm TIRED of this.

Java

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 8:28 am

CSP I feel like your biggest problem right now is yourself. you have a huge huge inferiority complex
The first step IMO is to develop some faith in your own self and your own capabilities or you will NEVER.EVER. be successful. I promise.
Just know that you're amazing!! You have so many fans on this website, I personally love reading your posts! You have so many talents and so much potential, don't let yourself be crippled by fear of failure.

Chickensoupprof

Thu, Apr 22 2021, 4:23 pm

cutestbaby wrote:

Thank you, and sweet of you. And everything but I’d tried so hard the past 8 years in earning a degree, work and it makes me feel sad that I don’t have it. I had yesterday a conversation with a kind of job coach and everything I should be good at due my diagnoses I fail at. I can’t to anything with computers, chemistry, maths or physics. I tried so hard and I got lots of negative feedback. I just want to have one succes experience I once want to accomplish earn something and buy my dh a present. I feel so sad I just want to have my dreams blessed or have an endorsement. Sometimes I’m afraid that I will give birth to a heavily handicapped child and that my husband is going to earn money and that I’m busy with wheelchairs, doctors and everything. The failure I had is not something snowflake like it’s years of being stigmatised, trying and sent away or simply said “we don’t want you” I just want to have a someone who has a navua or so