For those who don't believe in sleep training...

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Those who say to feed on demand, does that mean every time he wakes up? He's not showing any sign that he's hungry then - not licking lips, opening mouth, sucking hand, turning head etc

Feeding on demand means feeding whenever your baby wants to feed. Not based on your convenience or schedule. Watch your little one carefully and you will see the signs. Crying is very late sign of hunger. Sometimes babies want to nurse for comfort and that’s fine as well.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

And I'm talking about controlled crying-type training, where the child is left crying for 2 minutes (on a timer) before the parent returns and attempts to calm/resettle the baby while the child remains in his/her crib.
So if you don't believe in it, what would YOU do with a 7-week-old baby (who is gaining weight well and is overall healthy BH) who doesn't fall asleep independently, whilst being rocked/patted or in the swing or whilst being held etc etc. And when he DOES eventually fall asleep, can't transition to the next sleep cycle and is awake again 30-45 minutes later? I'm referring to daytime only.
He is the younger brother of a very demanding toddler and the son of two working parents - I don't have the time to rock/pat/swing him etc to sleep for every nap which only ends up being 30-45min long anyway. So I'm wondering what all the sleep-training blasters on here would do with such a baby?

I could have written this post the last four months. My baby would not fall asleep on his own ever. It was a nightmare. I was up all the time. He’s too little to sleep train through. There’s nothing really to do except wait it out. My baby is now 4 months old and Bh two weeks ago miraculously started falling asleep on his own. Literally one day to the next. Give it time.

amother

Blue

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:19 pm

I only have one, so I can’t say this works for every baby...
Babies need to learn how to put themselves to sleep. They need to be allowed to fall asleep independently in their crib. That means no rocking, swing, or feeding to sleep. Wherever they fall asleep, they stay, so no putting baby to sleep in your arms.
The best thing to do is, put the baby down when he’s showing sleepy signs. If you wait too late, baby will be overtired and it won’t work. Also, make sure the room is DARK and there’s a noise machine. And go out and leave the baby there. If he cries, go back in and reassure him, talk to him, pat him on the back, don’t pick him up!! Unless he’s dirty. But don’t ever leave him crying, always attend to a crying baby. Once he gets used to falling asleep independently, he’ll eventually be able to connect sleep cycles when he wakes up in the middle of the night.
Also, there’s a balance of feeding on demand vs schedule. Keep to somewhat of a schedule. Baby should be fed every 2.5-3.5 hours. If your baby is crying before then, it’s probably not hunger. When the feedings are spaced apart enough, they have the time to actually get hungry, which causes real eating to happen. If the feedings are too close together, then he’s just “snacking”, never getting full.
Another thing, be mindful of how long your baby’s wake time should be. He’s very young, he’s probably tired after 60-90 minutes. Make sure to put him to sleep on time.
This worked really well for my baby, though it did take time to implement and figure out.
Good luck!
And if you’re on Instagram, follow @takingcarababy

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:29 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

There isn’t a balance between schedule feeding and feeding on demand. What you are describing is schedule feeding. If you are purposely waiting a longer time to feed a baby so they eat more then you aren’t demand feeding at all.
Demand feeding is the best way to feed a baby, but it isn’t always convenient.

Frumme

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 10:10 pm

1) DH's "ruchnius needs"?! It takes two (well, three including the Aibershter) to make a baby. If you help make it, you need to help care for it! If baby is fed and changed, there's no reason he can't take baby to maariv and babywear. In fact, baby would probably fall asleep to the swaying and shuckling if your DH is the type.

2) you need to figure out if there is a reason he wakes up after 45 min. do you swaddle? Is he too hot or cold? There also might not be any reason and it's just a stage.

3) perhaps if the EASY method isn't working, maybe another method will. You can try wake windows. My first DD was like clockwork-- every 90 minutes she would be tired and fall asleep. A baby at 7 weeks only has an awake window of about 45-60 minutes, so try that.

esther7

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 10:57 pm

It's hard! Baby wearing is the best solution for me. Some days it's literally the only way I can get anything done. And if I'm lucky, once my baby's in a deep sleep in the baby carrier, I'm able to transfer him to the crib and he'll sometimes stay sleeping. Though thats risky cos he sometimes wakes up as I'm putting him down Wink

I am all for sleep training but 7 weeks sounds way too young to me. The earliest I've heard recommend from sleep training experts and pediatrician is 4 months.
One thing that I find helps a lot is being very on top of the first few naps of the day, making sure that I start putting baby back to sleep as soon as he shows any sign of tiredness. That's often after only 1/2 hr awake time in the morning. Morning naps are usually easier to get them to fall asleep for, and when they go well often the rest of the day is smoother also, because I'm not dealing with an overtired baby

amother

Orchid

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:04 pm

Precious little sleep has something called Fuss it out for younger babies (not as young as yours though).

It’s gentler than cry it out.

Till 2 months, I basically held baby BH all the time. To the exclusion of much else. She would sleep long naps - on me.
At 2 months I discovered the SNOO.
It didn’t fix everything but it was a major improvement.
You can rent it.
I recommend.

amother

White

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:37 pm

Most babies are not angelic. Your baby sounds perfectly normal. I’m a big nurser but here I would say at night for last feed tap him off with a formula bottle. Most babies at that age need to be held close. I held my babies, nursed on demand, rocked them in their stroller yes on their stomach in the day time when you are right there (ask your Dr about this). Supper can be cereal and milk, pizza, peanut butter sandwiches while you have a nursing baby. Taking care of that baby and making sure he feels safe and loves is priority. Buy fruits and veggies for husband and toddler to nosh on. Skip elaborate dinners it’s not the time. Laundry can be in buckets does not need to be folded now. Just hold that baby love that baby and rock that baby. Don’t worry about husband you can shmooze with him while you’re nursing and rocking the stroller. Toddler can sit with you on couch with a story or play by your feet. Healthy babies behave the way your baby is behaving.

amother

Blue

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:38 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

No, there is a balance. If the baby is crying at 2.5 hours, I feed. If the baby is crying at 3 hours, I feed. So I very much feed on demand, when I know my baby is crying. Feeding your baby every time he cries, is not necessary! Only if he’s actually hungry. A baby isn’t usually hungry less than 2.5 hours after a feed. Unless you know your baby takes a full feeding every half hour. Full feedings are so important. That’s why we wait in between feeds for the baby to become hungry

amother

Ginger

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:46 pm

1) your baby is totally normal
2) my babies usually nurse to sleep.p
3) I feed pretty much on demand, once it's been 2.5-3 hours

4) Google "the happiest baby on the block". Read the articles, watch the videos

You haven't mentioned trying swaddling. It's important to swaddle TIGHTLY. Baby feels held tightly, and you can put baby down in swaddle, and then continue with dr. Harvey's other S's

5) him happy that you use disposables and ready made meals. no dishes to wash.That leaves you to do laundry. Have your husband help out with the rest- cleaning up living room at night, clearing counter. One of you can sweep livingroom/diningroom/kitchen floor.
Other than that, let things slide

6) your baby is totally normal!!! (Needed to say it again)
7) Hatzlacha. It gets easier.

amother

Olive

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Well, he doesn't fall asleep while nursing. And a 7wo should be allowed to 'play' a little before being put to sleep - part of the eat-play-sleep cycle.

Forgot to mention that besides for everything else, if he doesn't sleep well, he doesn't feed well. So then he ends up doing half-feeds and half-naps which don't get us anywhere!

My heart hurts so much reading this thread. Bh with my 3rd baby I've learned but I want to say that I'm firmly convinced (and have read some papers) that the reason my first is so tiny is bc I didn't nurse enough in the first few weeks.

Your baby is a newborn. Still fourth trimester. Barely came into the world. All he needs is you. "b00b it" whenever you need to. It's more than feeding, it's also closeness and comfort and sometimes just a little snack. Let him sleep on you, who cares. They're only this tiny once. That's what they need from you.

You asked about dh. His needs are last on the list. The toddler comes sooner, physically, but also emotionally like read a book while you nurse. The house comes even last-er. If dh can't understand this, tell him he needs to rethink having kids (I'm serious. I tell my dh all the time whenever he complains about the noise, this is what kids do, if you can't handle it then you can't have kids.)
Your dh has to know that you're simply unavailable for 3 months after having a child while you give everything to this little baby so you can set him up for an emotionally attached life.
Guess who will survive without his needs being met - your husband.
Guess who won't, without emotional damage (and yes we know enough about this to know it's damage) - your baby.

No schedule. No leaving baby to "self soothe" (amother blue, most of that post was cringe worthy).
You can't spoil a newborn.
I'm the biggest advocate of the baby whisperer btw. But not before 4-5 months.

Also, your "play time" that yours convinced he's supposed to have at this age, IS the awake time. So from the moment he wakes, the clock is ticking (usually only up to an hour) til next nap. Eating, burping and diaper is part of that play time.

amother

Sienna

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:34 am

Co-sleep with him like I did with all my others, lol. A lot of the time they cry themselves to sleep if they are naturally a sleep fighter, but the difference is that I'm there beside them, usually patting their back or singing , and they know they're not alone.

After baby #1 I didn't get up out of bed with a crying infant at night. I'd hold them upright to try to burp them, and if no go, I'd sorta let them cry it out but with them either next to me in bed or on my belly

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:53 am

I’m a big believer that newborns can sleep. And also to feed on demand. And no crying.

I also believe strongly at that she sleeping leads to more sleeping.

Scheduling a baby and making sure they sleep has nothing to do with CIO. A baby can be placed on a schedule and fed regularly with no crying.
Check out books like “the baby whisperer”. They give you schedules to help keep your baby happy.
A baby that gets enough sleep by day and night is a happier baby. Eats better at feedings and sleeps better the next nap. And doesn’t need to cry to get there.

As an example

amother

Teal

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 1:04 am

It is extremely hard. I only coped by having paid help because otherwise couldn’t get anything done. I’m having my second soon and don’t know how it is going to work because one baby was more than a full time job. I’m gonna try to rent the snoo and see if that helps, I have heard great things. I do believe in sleep training but not for a baby under four months, but four months is a long time to have zero time to do anything because you are always feeding and rocking a baby. It’s really hard

tichellady

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 1:06 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

I don’t get posts like these. Moms try to follow this but the baby just won’t sleep. It doesn’t work for all babies, otherwise we would all do it. She makes it sound so easy.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 1:11 am

tichellady wrote:

I don’t get posts like these. Moms try to follow this but the baby just won’t sleep. It doesn’t work for all babies, otherwise we would all do it. She makes it sound so easy.

I agree. But when I put in the effort to get baby to sleep it became a habit. I pick up my baby when they cry. I feed them when they want. I feed through the night until I wean at 2 yrs old. I don’t do any CIO. It’s a guideline. Not something that has to be so strict. But gives an idea.
Sometimes you keep baby up too long after a feeding and the rest of the day is a mess. Had baby gone to sleep earlier rest of day would have followed.
Ppl incorrectly think to keep baby up so will get more sleep later.
I also work at home full time from 6 weeks and keep my babies home with me while I work. Getting them to sleep regularly makes that possible. It sounds crazy but can work. My SIL got me started on the idea. I actually never read the book but got guidance from her.

My grandfather told me years ago his mother in Europe told him about babies that sleep brings more sleep.

Teomima

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 1:18 am

Two words: baby wearing.

What you describe is not abnormal behavior for a child that young. Unfortunately babies don't care if they have busy parents or demanding siblings. They sleep when and however they sleep and you just have to put up with it. But when I've had particularly difficult babies, baby wearing (in something soft and comforting, like a wrap or Baby K'tan) was a lifesaver. Whether they're awake or asleep (all my babies have slept well up against my chest), you can get on with life and other children, while keeping the baby happy.