Ouch! Daughter interviewed for job and rejected

amother

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:27 am

her grademate landed the job
honestly - I'm hurting
and worried for my daughters self esteem
she got a real blow

I think the way this woman went about it was so untactful
I don't want to elaborate because the interviewer might read this

I'm just feeling very sad and down on myself now

amother

Bronze

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:32 am

That really stinks. I’m so sorry for your DD. That is so hard. Obviously, we have no idea of the situation. Sometimes it is appropriate to interview a few candidates and select one, sometimes it is not. But it really hurts.

LisaS

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:36 am

With several candidates and one job they had to pick one. It isn't the same as outright rejection. It doesn't mean your daughter lacks anything. No reason it should affect her self esteem. It is disappointing though. I hope she finds something even better.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:37 am

It’s life! We all learn it, better now than later!

My son was rejected from multiple yeshivas. Multiple jobs. You focus on the ones who want you and move on. Rejection is good! There’s obviously a better job waiting for her!

DrMom

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 12:57 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just feel punched in the face
she put her best foot forward
and like one of you mentioned=
she will find something that's best for her
but for now I feel thrown over

appreciate the support

It's part of life. Not everyone can get what he wants all the time.

If you act mature about it, it will help her accept the situation and move on.

If you overdramatize the incident, you'll make it worse. You need to act like a parent and not like a teenager yourself.

amother

Tan

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:31 am

Eventually everyone experiences some sort of rejection, the younger it happens the more the person learns how to deal with it and get past it.
My friend didn't experience it till she started looking for a real full time job in her 40s (never had a real job till then, just temp informal jobs). It was hard for her, because she had no experience dealing with rejections or uninterested job employers. Every time she applied for a job and didn't get an interview or hired, she became depressed and took to her bed for weeks at a time, couldn't socialize or get herself together. (Eventually she got hired, it wasn't even that long of a job search, just a few months. But she couldn't cope until then.) OTOH I had many such experiences and learned to take them in stride.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:34 am

[quote="amother [ Tan ]"]Eventually everyone experiences some sort of rejection, the younger it happens the more the person learns how to deal with it and get past it.
My friend didn't experience it till she started looking for a real full time job in her 40s (never had a real job till then, just temp informal jobs). It was hard for her, because she had no experience dealing with rejections or uninterested job employers. Every time she applied for a job and didn't get an interview or hired, she became depressed and took to her bed for weeks at a time, couldn't socialize or get herself together. (Eventually she got hired, it wasn't even that long of a job search, just a few months. But she couldn't cope until then.) OTOH I had many such experiences and learned to take them in stride.[/quote
THIS

zaq

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:45 am

What Dr. Mom said.

G-d bless my mom Z"L. She never moochie-koochied. Sympathized, yes, but never made a federal case out of things. One of her many sayings was "nobody gets everything they want every time. If you didn't get it, it's a sign the KBH intended something else for you."

When you're 14 or 18 or even 22, that's not what you want to hear. You want to hear "Those criminals, I'm going to go right up to that teacher/principal/kid/employer/neighbor/editor/fellow and give them a piece of my mind, how DARE they reject you!" That's what you want to hear. That's the last thing you need to hear.

Last edited by zaq on Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:53 am; edited 1 time in total

FranticFrummie

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:47 am

OP, Hashem has blessed you and DD with the perfect opportunity to work on emunah and bitachon!

Everything that happens is for the good. She was not meant to get this job, it was not right for her, and Hashem kept her from being in an environment that was not suited to her. B'H!

Everyone goes through things that are disappointing, because we cannot see what Hashem sees. Rejections feel horrible, only because we are limited beings. Feelings can be valid, but they also need to be put into a Torah context.

The sooner your teach your DD how to be resilient and bounce back, the stronger she is going to be. Kids are bubble wrapped too much when they are young, and then melt like a snowflake in the sun the first time someone says "no" to them. It's not fair to kids to try and protect them from the world, no matter what your Mama Bear instincts are telling you.

Instead of keeping your DD safe from all things that could make her sad, teach her how to face them so that she won't get sad in the first place.

She will most likely be rejected from more jobs, from schools or sems she applies to, and from many, many shidduchim. Life is not easy for anyone, and if you can face changes with trust in Hashem, you can handle anything.

imasinger

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:51 am

OP, your DD needs you.

She needs you to do whatever psychological work is necessary so that you are able to be appropriately supportive of her, and not caught up in negative feelings.

She needs you to be able to say, "these things happen, it's not such a big deal, we all think you're wonderful, something better will come along for you."

And mean it.

And not waste another second thinking about how everyone did it all wrong and hurt her unnecessarily.

Not because maybe it couldn't have been handled better.

But because that's not what either you or your DD needs to be thinking right now.

ora_43

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:52 am

Like others are saying.

Iy'H this will be good for your daughter's self-esteem in the long term.

People who fear rejection as something awful and damaging can end up settling for bad situations. Rejection is a part of life. The earlier she experiences it and learns that it's not the end of the world, the better.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:52 am

OP, most places interview several candidates per position. Not getting the job doesn't meant that she was rejected. An interview doesn't guarantee the position. Please don't let your daughter see you making a big deal about it. It's part of life and everyone experiences this at some point.

Simple1

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:59 am

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

If it was a camp job, they are hiring lots of girls. That can be harder to swallow, especially if she applied with a friend, and only she was accepted. I do agree to reassure her that this is not a reflection on her and to keep trying.

Sesame

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:07 am

That happened to me. No big deal! It’s obviously wasn’t the right place for me and Bh everything that happened after worked out perfectly and led me to my shidduch. Those were the best days of my life! My classmate is still working at that job, and now with a really close relative of mine. Still doesn’t bother me. Just because hashem knew it wasn’t the right path for me, doesn’t mean it can’t be the right path for someone I know...
It’s all in the attitude

Chickensoupprof

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 10:58 am

I have been rejected plenty of time and yeas it hurts. However, someone should always be tactful by rejecting someone else.
I understood I've been rejected at call center/marketing training because I basically needed to lie and I can't lie. I only can sell you something if I find it ethically correct and when I'm enthusiastic about the product. Totally understandable.

I also have been rejected at studies and internships, because as someone with ASD I would fail automatically in everything, I've been fired because people find me ''off'' but never mentioned to in the first place and just said 'No one ever told you, you are weird?' (I was off... only off I did not have any signs of psychotic rage, aggression, or whatever) . I've been told people like me (and I wish they were saying Jews) are not safe for clients while I had an 8 for a previous internship with the same clients.
Those are vile and hurtful... a simply no is ok. Is disappointment but if someone is being hurtful and not tactful then you can say afterward as a manner of feedback. Like ''I'm ok with the rejection but I wished you would say it more like X it will help for your company''