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How to not be emotionally absent
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amother
Mint


 

Post Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:00 am
I think you need the right talk therapist. It sounds like you’re already somewhat aware of how your background has impacted your emotional detachment. There is no way out but through; if you can’t face your upbringing and your inner self I don’t think change will be lasting or effective.

ETA: I relate very much to the sense of feeling detached and not present with my children. Therapy has helped and continues to help me understand where those emotions come from and feel more connected, present, and compassionate toward myself.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:20 am
amother [ Mint ] wrote:
I think you need the right talk therapist. It sounds like you’re already somewhat aware of how your background has impacted your emotional detachment. There is no way out but through; if you can’t face your upbringing and your inner self I don’t think change will be lasting or effective.

ETA: I relate very much to the sense of feeling detached and not present with my children. Therapy has helped and continues to help me understand where those emotions come from and feel more connected, present, and compassionate toward myself.


I'm super aware. I've done all the reading on this, attachment, inner child stuff. Talk therapy didn't get deep enough for me. Like I know my mother has emotional issues, let's move forward to how we can help me, not just talk about the skills she's lacking. I'll look into emdr.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:30 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I'm super aware. I've done all the reading on this, attachment, inner child stuff. Talk therapy didn't get deep enough for me. Like I know my mother has emotional issues, let's move forward to how we can help me, not just talk about the skills she's lacking. I'll look into emdr.

You’re missing the point. You need to talk about how her lack has affected you. There’s no way around that. Complex PTSD isn’t just in the past. It’s a condition that is with you all your life. Part of moving forward is looking back to see where your wounds are.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:34 am
Zehava wrote:
You’re missing the point. You need to talk about how her lack has affected you. There’s no way around that. Complex PTSD isn’t just in the past. It’s a condition that is with you all your life. Part of moving forward is looking back to see where your wounds are.

Emdr will help (at least it did in my experience)
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:44 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
Emdr will help (at least it did in my experience)

It can also do a lot of harm if done incorrectly or too much at a time
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:50 am
Zehava wrote:
It can also do a lot of harm if done incorrectly or too much at a time

I very much agree. That’s why I made the disclaimer that I need to find someone really good and well trained. I read some of the emdr experiences on here and I’m horrified. Someone very qualified will do prep before and will do after care and make sure u only leave the session ok. That was my experience bh and it was a safe wonderful modality for me.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Apr 26 2021, 10:10 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
I very much agree. That’s why I made the disclaimer that I need to find someone really good and well trained. I read some of the emdr experiences on here and I’m horrified. Someone very qualified will do prep before and will do after care and make sure u only leave the session ok. That was my experience bh and it was a safe wonderful modality for me.


OK can you refer someone? I'm in Brooklyn (obviously)
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