Husband doesn’t like sheitals

amother

Brown

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 6:20 pm

English3 wrote:

I love the mizrachi head coverings, it's very regal especially with the jewellery. You obviously need to go according to your surroundings, when in Rome...

What are mizrachi head coverings? Do you have a picture?

hodeez

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 6:23 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

What are mizrachi head coverings? Do you have a picture?

https://www.google.com/search?.....imsvn

Or maybe she had a sinar in mind, also gorgeous. I've never had the guts to cough up the money for one!

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:01 pm

hodeez wrote:

Lol what I live in BP. We're like unicorns here.

I used to be self conscious but then I realized, what is there to be self conscious about? I look beautiful and regal and classy. It's not like I walked out of the house wearing who knows what. Why should I be embarrassed, while doing a mitzvah no less!

If you need chizuk or have questions I don't mind, u can pm me or just ask here.

Wait you live in BP? I remember you once mentioned you live in Israel. I admired your personality but now I admire you even more because you know it’s not very common to wear tichels here and you must be a strong character so kol hakavod! May I ask you what tichels do you wear?

hodeez

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 7:13 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

I actually once wrote I've never been to Israel! I wonder where the confusion happened 😃
I wear the volumizer from wrapunzel, also got a couple of cheap ones from ebay. All my scarves are from ebay, around $5-7 each. Back in the day when I used to leave my house, I would go into the office in Manhattan wearing elaborate 2 or 3 scarf tichels with a pin. Now I wear just a single scarf wrapped up turban style, and I'll leave tails if I don't particularly like my outfit.

Also, to your strong character comment, I once had a teacher express bewilderment that I got engaged so soon after high school because I have a "strong personality". So that was nice 🙂

amother

Aqua

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:38 pm

My (yeshivish) son also prefers his wife in tichels and not shaitels. For tznius reasons. She is fine with it.

BUT, he also knows that in certain situations she feels better in a shaitel (like weddings and other major simchas) and he wants her to feel comfortable, so is accepting of her wearing one when she feels the need.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:51 pm

Op- count your blessings!
I have so many friends that would love to wear tichels but their husbands want them to wear wigs. These women feel the tichels are much more tznius. Some of their husbands are on board now with the tichels and have actually become supportive (especially now that the wigs have become so natural looking).
I understand that you want to wear the wig, but it's so nice that your husband appreciates tznius and doesnt want other men looking at you
Can you find a compromise? Like wear the wig at home for him (where you're actually supposed to look your best anyways) and wear really nice elegant scarves outside?
Anyways tichels have become so much more accepted and respected now- even in RW communities in the US. I know Rebbetzins that switched to tichels

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:59 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Why is it a blessing that she wants to wear wigs but her DH doesn't want her too? Because your friends want to wear tichels, it doesn't mean that everyone should want. A wig isn't less tzenuis than a tichel, it's just different minhag.
A husband that demands his wife not wear a wig, or anything else for that matter, because he doesn't want other men to look at her, is a controlling man. If she lives in a community where women don't really wear tichels, it will cause way more men to stare at here then when she'd be wearing a wig.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 12:13 am

According to many Rabbanim a tichel is more tznius - it's not just a minhag. (Logically too, how could you compare material to wearing someone else's nice hair)
I also wear a tichel in a mostly yeshivish wig wearing community and I can attest to the fact that men noticed me way more when I wore my wig:)
A husband that is proud of his wife when she dresses up for him at home only and not in the street where other men will see her and look is not controlling. It means hes following the Torah and doesnt want his wife causing sins. He is sensitive to tznius and shmiras einayim

amother

Magenta

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 1:15 am

I personally dont have an opinion on this topic.
I am just posting because I learned a shemiras halashon sefer recently, and one of the halachos were as follows:
If a statement can cause someone to bear a grudge against someone else, it is forbidden.
The example given in the shemiras halashon book was someone asking her sister, "why didnt your husband come with you and your seven kids to their dentist appointments?"

Just a little food for thought when we post on a site like this.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 6:30 am

GLUE wrote:

My DH hates when I were sheitals. I think it is because he has to hear me whining about it for 2 weeks(or more) that I had to were that uncomfortable thing on my head. He also hears about his Co-workers complaining about all the money their wives spend on sheitals.

My budget on sheitals is about a wash and set every 2-3 years thence I hate wearing that thing and only get it done when I have to were it for ether Cop'd as H'aim(Honer they mother) or my DD begs me to were it for a school thing.

Could it be your sheitel is too small or you are sensory?

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 6:32 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So this is a spin off what people wear in the house.
I am newly married and my husband recently remarked that he prefers that I don’t wear a sheital and rather should wear hats/ tichels/snoods etc.
I have one sheital at this point- and too be honest, I tend to wear other options in most cases - but I appreciate the variety.
Much of his thoughts are that he does not believe they are as halachically because men are unaware if they are real hair. My thought (which is similar to what I’ve been taught) is a main component of hair covering is for the woman herself as she has the knowledge that she’s covering plus often times even if men can’t tell, women frequently are able to tell

What does his mother wear?

FranticFrummie

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 8:27 am

I am really sensory, and I've only worn my sheitels a handful of times each. I can't stand to have hair anywhere near my face, even if it's my own hair.

I love my HUGE tichel collection! I think I have more tichels than I do clothes, LOL.

My ex is Lubavitch, and I know he would have preferred if I wore sheitels all the time. He also knew that I was a miserable grouch when I had a migraine, so he wisely left the decision to me.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 8:49 am

It took me a good couple of years for DH to be on board with my ditching the sheitel. Although I wore it quite rarely, he preferred that I should not stand out at a wedding or other formal occasion. (Didn't care what I did when going to the store, and my work environment is casual enough.)

Recently I heard him tell someone "my wife doesn't wear a sheitel, and she has good reasons for it."

(These include, comfort, convenience, cost, and somewhere in there my personal feeling about tznius. And I enjoy the creativity of choosing from my vast collection!)

amother

Blue

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 8:59 am

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

Hodeez don’t you live in Israel? It’s much more common there than in the US. I love tichels too but it’s not the norm where I live I don’t want my kids to feel like their mom is “different” yknow

And what would happen if you were different? Cover however you like, but ignoring your own, perfectly legitimate, preference based on what the neighbors might say is no way to live.

amother

Black

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 9:12 am

amother [ White ] wrote:

It's possible he didn't think about it much until he got married. Most bochurim don't have strong opinions on hair covering - it's just not on their radar.

And once he's married, he doesn't get to have strong opinions on this. He can let his wife know his preferences, but that's where it ends.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 10:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You’re both wrong about the purpose of wearing a sheitel. It’s not about how any of you feels, hair is ervah and must be covered. Period.