12 year old stealing money for candy

amother

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:57 pm

My almost 12 year old son has been stealing money from us (from our wallets, or spare change left around) for candy. We catch him, call him out, punish him, he apologizes and two weeks later he does it again. Help! What are we supposed to do in this situation?

Lovable

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My almost 12 year old son has been stealing money for candy. We catch him, call him out, punish him, he apologizes and two weeks later he does it again. Help! What are we supposed to do in this situation?

Give him candy so that he doesn't need to steal!! Sorry, but like my father always says, if a child doesn't find it at home, he will find it elsewhere

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:02 pm

Taking money from wallets is wrong and should be addressed. Taking spare change lying around is somewhat ok, I don't mind my kids doing that.
Why does he need to take money from your wallet? Is he never allowed candy? Doesn't he have his own pocket money? He's doing it for a reason, you need to find out why.

naturalmom5

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:04 pm

OP is this child on the spectrum

This sounds like something a five year old would do

At twelve I was more interested in going to the movies or buying clothes , not candy

Chickensoupprof

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:05 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

OP is this child on the spectrum

This sounds like something a five year old would do

At twelve I was more interested in going to the movies or buying clothes , not candy

Oh my... being on the spectrum doesn't make you a thief or everything.... Can't Believe It

amother

Azure

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:06 pm

Give him a weekly allowance. My parents did yhis when one siblings was taking money to buy soda. Everyone got an allowance and they never had this issue with any other kids

amother

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:08 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

OP is this child on the spectrum

This sounds like something a five year old would do

At twelve I was more interested in going to the movies or buying clothes , not candy

He's a boy, he's not yet 12. No he's not on the spectrum and no he doesn't like shopping lol. We don't go to the movies.

I just spoke to him more and he said its just the feeling of having pocket money. We are pretty lenient with candy, if he asks me if he can go to the corner store to buy an ice cream/ candy etc I always say yes, so thats not it. Maybe an allowance would be a good idea, if he's really just thirsting to have some money in his pockets?

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:08 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

OP is this child on the spectrum

This sounds like something a five year old would do

At twelve I was more interested in going to the movies or buying clothes , not candy

Most frum 12 year old boys don't go to the movies or are out buying clothes by themselves.
A child that is never allowed candy or doesn't have any money of his own, may resort to taking money from his parents wallet. They don't think they're stealing because it's from their parents.
I think a child on the spectrum is less likely to do such a thing.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, kids should have some pocket money of their own. He probably doesn't want to ask you every time he wants to get a treat. You can also talk to him about spending responsibly and not buying junk on a daily basis. We grew up in Brooklyn and started doing errands for my parents as pre teens. We were always allowed to keep the change (under $10) as pocket money. From when a child is at the age of going places on their own, they should always have money on them.

amother

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:12 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

Yes, kids should always have some pocket money of their own. We grew up in Brooklyn and started doing errands for my parents as pre teens. We were always allowed to keep the change (under $10) as pocket money. From when a child is at the age of going places on their own, they should always have money on them.

Interesting. Ok, I appreciate that perspective.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Interesting. Ok, I appreciate that perspective.

You can talk to him about responsible spending and not buying junk on a daily basis.

English3

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:15 pm

When giving your child money it's ideal to train them that ten percent goes to masser and twenty for savings. Obviously give him enough to have for the week. Some parents like to get their child to earn it.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:21 pm

I did he same at that age. I saw it in a very logical way-I needed money for candy,and my parnwts had so much so why cant I have a little
its something that most kids go through and outgrow. no worries

amother

Indigo

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:53 pm

A 12 year old should have an allowance for many reasons - independence; teaches budgeting etc.

Decide what a decent allowance would be and the issue is solved.

Of course, stealing from parents is not appropriate but neither is a 12 year old not having any pocket money.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 5:06 pm

This is so weird to me. When I was growing up, I never had pocket money at that age. If I wanted money, I had to do chores for it. Money was supposed to be earned, it didn't fall from the sky.

I also was never allowed to go buy candy, soda, or ice cream just because, whenever I wanted it. In those days, parents who allowed that would be considered careless or even neglectful.

There has never been a time in history where more children have been morbidly obese or had type 2 diabetes. Please be careful with unrestricted access to sugar.

Make sure you keep your money put away somewhere safe. Don't leave out things that are too tempting for him to take. If he has impulse control issues, this is especially important.