When did you (or DDs) start lighting Shabbos candles?

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

When did you start lighting Shabbos candles?

3 years old

19%

[ 33 ]

Bas Mitzvah

[ 5 ]

Marriage

68%

[ 113 ]

Other (describe)

[ 15 ]

Total Votes : 166

amother

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:29 pm

DH were disagreeing as to when different communities have the custom for girls to start lighting Shabbos candles. I'm Chabad, so we start at 3, but I'm curious to know when others do.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:39 pm

I think I started as a teenager, when I started going to my future in-laws for Shabbos. (They were frum, I was becoming frum, I'm not sure when their daughter started lighting.)

"Chassidish-ish" in Baltimore

amother

Taupe

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:40 pm

Chassidish, we start at marriage.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:44 pm

RW MO with a yekkish mother. I started lighting when I got married.

I was under the impression that only chabad starts beforehand.

SuperWify

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:49 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Wait, can we hear the whole story Smile

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:51 pm

When I moved into my own apt. I learned a Jewish home should have shabbos candles lit

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 8:52 pm

I'm Chabad, I started at 3. My daughters start as soon as they "get" what Shabbos is and are able to say the bracha, usually closer to 2.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:08 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Wait, can we hear the whole story Smile

Most frum parents are too afraid to send their kids to a pluralistic Jewish day school, but my husband's parents thought he'd do well there.

I loved all things Jewish, so my mother sent me there too. She was worried that an alternative option, the modern-Orthodox-in-name school, would make me Orthodox, like it made her friend's daughter Orthodox.

But I fell in love with the frum boy...Hashem has an awesome sense of humor.

amother

Puce

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:33 pm

same as lawngreen, once I was in my own apartment

amother

Coffee

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:34 pm

I started lighting 2 candles at 11, the pesach before bas mitzvah. Chabad only lights 1.
It's a very unique family minhag (from the kapycnitz/rizhin rebbe I believe)
If you've heard of this, than you probably know me or one of my cousins IRL 👋🏻.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:45 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

Most Rebbishe girls start lighting 2 at Bas mitzvah.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:50 pm

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

Most Rebbishe girls start lighting 2 at Bas mitzvah.

Right. I remember in camp the rebbish girls lit 2 candles from bas mitzvah.

SuperWify

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:54 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Oh my gosh I love that!!!! Thanks for sharing. How old were you when you met him?

amother

Ivory

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 9:56 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Oh my gosh I love that!!!! Thanks for sharing. How old were you when you met him?

15. Maybe technically 14 when he shadowed Smile

We got married after I earned my BA.

shanie5

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 10:12 pm

When I was in 3rd gade my parents went toIsrael and bought a pair of (cute) leichter for me and my younger sister to share. We started lighting shabbos candles then. Our younger sisters started at age 3. My dds all started lighting at age 3 (and each have their own set of leichter from Israel too). My dds have their dds light at age 3.
I don't think my brothers girls light before marriage. Nor my sons dd.

(Anybody know when chabad started the minhag of having girls light shabbos candles?)

amother

Coffee

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 10:23 pm

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

Most Rebbishe girls start lighting 2 at Bas mitzvah.

Oh haha, technically I'm rebbish but I grew up litvish/jpf so the minhag isn't heard of in my circles.

MommyM

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 11:01 pm

shanie5 wrote:

It began towards the end of 1974.

I'm Chabad and began lighting at 3, and my daughters started also at around age 3.

singleagain

Mon, Apr 26 2021, 11:08 pm

I used to like way before my by mitzvah probably as soon as my mom taught us fire safety... But when I turn by bas mitzvah which is what I voted in the poll.. I got my own two candlesticks.

my two brothers also used to light which my mother still lights two candles for them (one each)I'm guessing me and my sister each lit one candle up until bas mitzvah when we got candlesticks and started lighting our own

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 8:11 am

When I got my own apt.

Chickensoupprof

Tue, Apr 27 2021, 8:20 am

I lighted a candle when I became frum (Chabad circles), I cried sometimes when I couldn't light candles because I was not married. It felt then whole my shabbos was a joke. In shul or at chabad families I lit 1 candles but when I had my own studio in uni I lit two.
When I was at my inlaws the first times before getting married (yeshivish) I wanted to light so badly and bh they didn't make a problem. But it was not their minhag. I explained that it was for me really important to do, because the argument 'the mother lights for the children' doesn't apply to me. My mom doesn't light candles. Also, it was a connection to the mitzvah, and my tefilos. Candle lighting is so important for me I once cried and said I was going to fast Sunday for my awful sin to forget candle lighting (was once way too late) a rav told me that I was silly. I even got a white tichel (not yet an apron) to make the time for candle lighting extra special.

I want my daughters also to light candles when they are 3 or mb 12... just a connection to their yiddishkeit. I mean boys get upshernis, tzitzit, teffelin in their youth and what can girls do, I just would love my daughters to light candles with me and connect with the mitzvah that applied to women, also saying together the brocha over challah...
They can get Taharas mishpacha when married. Why do all the female mitzvot apply after getting married seriously...

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