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Children want to know why our relatives don't dress tznius
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 2:42 pm
My children ages 3-6 want to know why our relatives don't dress tsnius. What's the best way to explain it to them?
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 2:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My children ages 3-6 want to know why our relatives don't dress tsnius. What's the best way to explain it to them?

They do things differently than we do
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amother




Khaki
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 2:46 pm
If you've already had to explain to them about the relatives not keeping Shabbos (if they don't), then something similar.

In our family, we follow the mitzvos that Hashem gave us / we dress this way. Other families choose not to but we love [relatives] anyway.

I think that in general, telling kids "Jews do this, Jews don't do that" might seem simple at the time but ultimately, it's not true because a lot of Jews live differently and they will realize that.
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amother




Chocolate
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 2:55 pm
they were/are not lucky enough to get the education you are getting plus the rest of it about
B"H we are frum yidden
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 2:58 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
they were/are not lucky enough to get the education you are getting plus the rest of it about
B"H we are frum yidden


Relatives are frum but don't keep tznius. I don't want my kids to say anything to the cousins about not being frum ch"v

They also want to know why the relatives can swim on shabbos etc
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 3:08 pm
They don't know the halacha, unfortunately.
BH we do, and I'm so proud of how beautiful and tzniusdik you are
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 3:09 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
They don't know the halacha, unfortunately.
BH we do, and I'm so proud of how beautiful and tzniusdik you are


I can't say that. What if they say to their cousins "my mother said you don't know the halacha"?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 3:09 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
They do things differently than we do


This is probbalt my best bet. Thanks
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amother




Chocolate
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 3:14 pm
with your added info : yes
and this works because it is the truth as they get older and learn even some of their friends/families in their schools hold differently whether about a hechsher in kashrut or carrying or about a disciplinary thing unrelated to yiddishkeit
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amother




Mauve
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 9:31 pm
“Every family listens to their Rav”
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amother




Bronze
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 9:45 pm
if you do not specifically know why they have chosen a particular mode of dressing etc., you can always say "I don't know."
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fmt4




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 9:52 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
They don't know the halacha, unfortunately.
BH we do, and I'm so proud of how beautiful and tzniusdik you are


No. Don’t put them down in any way, even subtly. That will backfire eventually. They don’t need to feel smug and superior.

Just say - everyone has their own way of following Torah and listening to hashem. It’s not our business to question anyone else’s way.
You are teaching your children to be humble and not judge others. That is a lifelong lesson.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 9:58 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
“Every family listens to their Rav”


I doubt any Rov told them they don't have to dress tznius.

Most likely they didn't ask and made their own decision.

This creates confusion that some Rabbonim allow non-tznius which is not true.
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amother




Mustard
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 11:13 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
I doubt any Rov told them they don't have to dress tznius.

Most likely they didn't ask and made their own decision.

This creates confusion that some Rabbonim allow non-tznius which is not true.


Different rabbanim do hold different things are permissible.
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amother




Chocolate
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 11:20 pm
Your answer is to inform your kids and with an eye toward their chinuch so best to answer with the truthful “I dont know” rather than let them think it’s from a rov which you do not know and won’t ask their parents
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Geulanow




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 11:20 pm
Just say everyone has something they need to improve on. Maybe we have to improve in ahavas Yisroel and loving every Jew, not matter who and we will , b'ezras Hashem, try to be a role model for others in our dress.
You can also discuss with them about other ways of being tznius besides dress.
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 11:34 pm
Geulanow wrote:
Just say everyone has something they need to improve on. Maybe we have to improve in ahavas Yisroel and loving every Jew, not matter who and we will , b'ezras Hashem, try to be a role model for others in our dress.
You can also discuss with them about other ways of being tznius besides dress.

So I will say that I don’t know how OP dressed and now this family dresses. They may be dressing well with if the confines of their shita. I don’t think it is fair or appropriate to say/imply that they need to improve.
Leave it as I don’t know or different people do different things differently.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 11:38 pm
I'm talking about shorts, sleeveless, bikinis.

Thanks for all the food for thought.
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amother




Indigo
 

Post Sun, May 02 2021, 11:49 pm
I grew up like this. No, we didn't ask our rav about it. And he didn't talk to the community about it, probably because we wouldn't have listened. We just assumed people who did dress skirts only etc were frummies. And I was in high school before anyone I trusted told me differently.

"Everyone does things differently" may be necessary for the young kids now. But some point, you are going to need to let them know that there is a halachic box, and that there are many variations inside of it, but some things that are commonplace but are not. I definitely support waiting until they are of an age that they wouldn't repeat it. But you would have the same issue with non-frum- nobody would want to be told that.

Btw, swimming on Shabbos does have a possible halachic allowance, but you have to do a bunch of things correctly. I was very surprised to see it and did some research.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 12:31 am
Different communities have a different idea of what is and isn’t modest.
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