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9 yr old dirty underwear

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 9:19 am
I've suspected my 9 yr old boy having stomach issues for years, but he won't tell me much. Up until the pandemic it got better because we were using Lactaid for suspected lactose intolerance, but with the pandemic we've been getting tons of milk and he insists it doesn't bother him. But he keeps leaving dirty underwear in the bathroom. Sometimes it's "hard" --so he agreed to start taking Miralax--and he tells me when he needs his "special drink", but then I find "globs" in his underwear. When I talk to him about it he just says "I was too busy playing" or "I didn't want to go to the bathroom" and he's a smart kid but VERY self-directed, does NOT want to be told what to do. I keep telling him that I need to know what is going on if we need to talk to the doctor but he says it's no-big-deal. For the most part he takes care of it himself and he doesn't smell frequently, though sometimes he does. At his last physical I kept pressing him to talk to the doctor if there was anything bothering him and he wouldn't talk. He's a pretty good eater, though he is picky with no rhyme or reason to it. I've mostly been just "leaving it alone" but its getting more frequent that I'm finding the dirty underwear near the toilet--he used to be more secretive about it, the laundry chute is in my room and he'd come in my room to "look for something" and put his laundry in the laundry chute, but now he just leaves the dirty underwear--3-4 pairs sometimes there until I say something. No I don't suspect PANDAS, he's not had strep in YEARS and my pediatrician won't diagnose it without him having had strep.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 9:33 am
1. If this is getting more and more frequent, then there IS a problem. Something is really wrong with his gut. 9 is too old to be having these kinds of accidents.

2. Remember that gut problems affect the brain, and can cause systemic toxicity. The sooner you get him the appropriate help, the better it will be for him.

3. He is a minor child. You have every right to talk to the doctor and tell him exactly what is going on. Take DS to a gastroenterologist if you have to. DS will be embarrassed, but if it's "no big thing", then he'll have to cooperate.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 9:57 am
When children have constipation for a long time, two things happen. Firstly, the colon stretches, specifically right before the a nus so that even if they aren't constipated at a specific time, the stool may still come out unexpectedly. Secondly, the communication between the brain and a nus gets affected because the brain "gives up" on telling the body when to release and when to hold it because the stool isn't following the "directions". Between the two of these, accidents begin to happen frequently.
You may need to do a more thorough clean out and then retrain the brain. My son's pediatrician and a urologist were able to help us very much.
Knowing this, please share with your son that you are helping him and he isn't doing anything wrong. His body just needs help learning.
Also, this of course may not apply in your case I just thought sharing my experience MAY help.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 10:21 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
1. If this is getting more and more frequent, then there IS a problem. Something is really wrong with his gut. 9 is too old to be having these kinds of accidents.

2. Remember that gut problems affect the brain, and can cause systemic toxicity. The sooner you get him the appropriate help, the better it will be for him.

3. He is a minor child. You have every right to talk to the doctor and tell him exactly what is going on. Take DS to a gastroenterologist if you have to. DS will be embarrassed, but if it's "no big thing", then he'll have to cooperate.


I get that, but he won't talk. I've taken him to 2 GIs when he was younger and they both just said "miralax" etc. But how can I get meaningful information when he won't talk to the doctor. I've told him I will take him, but our copays are $60 for a specialist, I would do it if it will help but I don't want to waste my time and money if he's not going to cooperate.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 10:44 am
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
When children have constipation for a long time, two things happen. Firstly, the colon stretches, specifically right before the a nus so that even if they aren't constipated at a specific time, the stool may still come out unexpectedly. Secondly, the communication between the brain and a nus gets affected because the brain "gives up" on telling the body when to release and when to hold it because the stool isn't following the "directions". Between the two of these, accidents begin to happen frequently.
You may need to do a more thorough clean out and then retrain the brain. My son's pediatrician and a urologist were able to help us very much.
Knowing this, please share with your son that you are helping him and he isn't doing anything wrong. His body just needs help learning.
Also, this of course may not apply in your case I just thought sharing my experience MAY help.


Can you please advise who it was that helped you. Which ped and Urogolist if you are located in the tristate area. Also how old was your child?

Thank you
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 10:46 am
So he goes fairly regularly, and I can tell because he's usually nuts when he has to go, but he won't "go" if I TELL him to go. He'll deny it, and I tell him if I find dirty underwear there will be consequences. That usually gets him to be more responsible about it, but I can't figure out any other pattern.
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amother




Copper
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 10:47 am
Just because your pediatrician won’t diagnose and he hasn’t had strep in years doesn’t mean it can’t be pandas. Are there other concerning behaviors?

Diet and gut health are going to be a huge piece in his eliminative health as well as sensory and autonomic nervous system feedback that needs to happen for proper elimination.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 10:54 am
Your son is a CHILD, and dependent on you to make the medical decisions. "He doesn't want to" is not a valid excuse. You need to step up and take charge of the situation.

Your son doesn't need to talk to the doctor, YOU need to talk to the doctor. Tell the doctor what you are seeing.

Heck, bring in a week's worth of underwear to show him if you have to.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 11:43 am
[quote="amother [ Copper ]"]Just because your pediatrician won’t diagnose and he hasn’t had strep in years doesn’t mean it can’t be pandas. Are there other concerning behaviors?

Diet and gut health are going to be a huge piece in his eliminative health as well as sensory and autonomic nervous system feedback that needs to happen for proper elimination.[/q]

I've spoken to 2 different very respected pediatricians and neither felt it was PANDAS--and yes they both knew about it. He used to be VERY anxious and I had real concerns about it, discussed it at length but he's mostly better now. Just this bathroom issue remains.

He's a fairly picky eater and doesn't even drink a lot of milk--only in cereal which is like 1-2 times a week. He doesn't like cheese unless it's on pizza but that's not all the time.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 12:22 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So he goes fairly regularly, and I can tell because he's usually nuts when he has to go, but he won't "go" if I TELL him to go. He'll deny it, and I tell him if I find dirty underwear there will be consequences. That usually gets him to be more responsible about it, but I can't figure out any other pattern.


This is where the piece about his body relearning sensations comes in. I would see my son had to go yet when asked he really didn't think he had to. He literally had to reprogram.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 12:28 pm
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
Can you please advise who it was that helped you. Which ped and Urogolist if you are located in the tristate area. Also how old was your child?

Thank you


My son had to do a daily enema for approx 1.5 weeks. He had to take miralax daily during that time in addition to a stimulant laxative. After that, he would have to "sit" twice a day for a minimum 10 minutes. Over time the dosage of the meds were lowered.

The pediatrician- Dr. Indich from Lakewood a
Urologist- Dr. Fleisher

My son was approx 6yo
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amother




Sienna
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 12:49 pm
My son had this at the same age for a good few mths to a yr. Eventually it just passed.. he used the same excuse as ur son.. didnt feel he needs to go was too busy playing..we offered him a quarter evey time he made it in time and his underwear was clean which helped.. hes turning 11 now and its a thing of the past...
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amother




Pink
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 12:53 pm
Why a urologist? I used to work for a urologist, he did not handle GI type issues obviously. Is pediatric different? Just curious.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 12:53 pm
Ps, this can also be an emotional issue relating to control and being controlled/abused.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, May 03 2021, 4:07 pm
OP, I just found this article, and I think it will be very helpful for you.

https://www.janetlansbury.com/.....dges/

and this website, from the author. https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/
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