At what age will you insist that he dresses himself

amother

Tue, May 04 2021, 10:11 am

My 5 year old wants me to "help" him get dressed, not because he can't, but for attention. I usually compromise with him and agree to put on half of his clothes. I am very pregnant and have difficulty with this. Should I insist that he do everything himself, and if so, how can I give him the touch attention that he wants?

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 04 2021, 10:14 am

Me too! So I don't actually put the clothes on the child but I'll hand them their pants turned in the right direction. Ill hand them their shirt. Etc.

I find that they aren't looking for the touch as much as they are looking for the attention and connection.

mha3484

Tue, May 04 2021, 10:32 am

My six year old is like this too but he finally starting dressing himself recently. it took putting him on the school bus for the the last two months and now he gets himself dressed really quickly. I guess its motivating for him?

For a long time I would stand there handing him each item and he would put it on. It was time consuming but worked for the most part.

amother

Papaya

Tue, May 04 2021, 10:43 am

My 5 year old does this too. He was in ot for other reasons for several months so I asked the ot to see what the issue was. She said, well he can do it just fine if he wants to 🤷‍♀️ I usually make him do a lot of it and then I finish him up.

amother

Pewter

Tue, May 04 2021, 11:07 am

My 4-year-old does this even though he's been able to dress himself for at least half a year by now. I try not to let him get away with it, at least not too much, unless I'm in a huge rush.

trixx

Tue, May 04 2021, 11:18 am

There is a new baby (attention competition) coming, your 5 yr old is seeking connection and reassurance that he will always be your baby. If you can't physically do it, have him bring clothes to your bed and get himself dressed there and you do one easy thing for you. He's asking for attention, so give it to him.
ETA perhaps a one time investment will fill his needs. Dress him like a baby, slowly and exaggerate, with lots of cuddles and kisses and cooing. Just give enough time for that.

amother

Mint

Tue, May 04 2021, 11:27 am

I have the same issue. Most mornings I'm in such a rush I just help dc get dressed, even though I feel I shouldn't. It's def for attention, probably a lot to do with the younger siblings I dress.

amother

Silver

Tue, May 04 2021, 11:37 am

My oldest I used to insist she dress herself at 5...we used to have such power struggles over this...it was so not worth it. She is 12 now and dresses herself no problem...lol. My approach had totally changed and I make no issue of it with my 6 yr old. some days she dresses herself and some days she wants me to...no big deal.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, May 04 2021, 11:38 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think most mothers whose children are past that age and stage would suggest you to help him even when he doesn't need the help. If he's asking for it, he's needing something about it, and so I'd happily help him dress.
If it's too hard for you because of pregnancy, is there a way that would make it easier for you? a certain position?

watergirl

Tue, May 04 2021, 11:40 am

I never insist. If he wants the attention, I give it. If he wants to connect with me that way, thats fine by me. It’s an act of chesed thar I can do for my son. Add a little tummy tickle or zorbert and it adds a smile to his day! Start his morning off knowing his mother hears and sees him. I used to insist my kids dress themselves and the result was yelling and frustration… and he would go off to school with that as his start of day. Putting a tzitzis, shirt, etc on him takes three seconds and adds so much to the little boy. One of my sons is 8 and when it’s chilly and/or he is comfy in bed, he sometimes likes me to change his shirt while he is laying down. It makes him feel taken care of… its not a bad thing.

There are so many things to turn into a power struggle and conflict. I chose to eliminate this one. No chasson ever had his mommy dress him before the chuppah… (the kittel, maybe!) he will grow out of it when he is ready.

lucky14

Tue, May 04 2021, 11:43 am

I was OK with helping until I realized that in the mornings we are too rushed and if he would get himself dressed it would help me feel a little bit less rushed... SO we have a new rule that he gets himself dressed before breakfast. No breakfast until dressed. Not sure if that would be motivating with your child but it was for mine. Of course if he needs help with socks or has buttons that are a little difficult I'm there to help out. It ended up working great for us.

Teomima

Tue, May 04 2021, 12:52 pm

So what if he does it because he wants attention? Modt of the time when people do things for attention, it's because they need that attention. Your instinct should not be to pull away just because someone is doing something for attention. Better he tries to get it from you helping him get dressed than by acting out. And helping a five year old get dressed is not over the top. By that age they can dress themselves but it's still perfectly reasonable for a parent to help.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, May 04 2021, 1:23 pm

My 5 year old was the same. Until I started to "race" him and usually let him win, which he loves. If I happen to be dressed already, the I race him with dressing baby / toddler.

Zehava

Tue, May 04 2021, 1:34 pm

My 7 year old will ask for help many nights and weekends. He will sometimes sleep in his underwear or clothes if I’m not available or not in the mood to get him into pjs.
But mornings bh he’s really motivated to make his bus and get some reading time in so he will dress himself in record time.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, May 04 2021, 2:03 pm

Honestly when I read the title, I assumed it was a much older boy but a five year old? That is a baby.

If you can't physically perform certain actions then you can still be available to assist him and support him and give him the attention he is obviously craving. I would imagine your pregnancy is emotionally unsettling to him and now you have taken away stuff that he emotionally connects with being mothered.

amother

Tue, May 04 2021, 2:56 pm

I do agree that he is a baby and needs the attention. My problem is when he will do things like flail his feet and accidentally kick me in the stomach, or go dead weight and make getting his pants on a job that requires all my strength...