Misinformation about wealthy/financially comfortable people

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amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:16 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

So, basically, rather than clearing up misconceptions, this thread is confirming that rich, successful people look down on people who are poorer and credit their own hard work and good decision making for their success.

Right? No misconceptions here.

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:17 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

No, this thread showed that not all wealthy, or financially comfortable people have the same values.
Also that, in general people respect hard working pple vs. those who rely on others.

No. This thread shows that plenty of wealthy people look down on those of us who struggle. They are so self satisfied they can't look beyond themselves.

That's what I see in real life too. It is a rare wealthy person who can truly be friends with a poor person.

mommy3b2c

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:23 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

So you disrespect people who are poor and still are moser nefesh to learn? What about their wives?
I'm not taking apart your responses, I'm simply trying to understand. (And even if I were, do you think you're entitled to your response not being taken apart?)

I cannot respect a man who is learning all day while his wife is miserable and struggling. If she his happy being poor, then that’s different. Also, people are not supposed to take tzedaka unless they need it. So if you need tzedaka, get a job. If you still need tzedaka, that’s ok because at least you’re trying.

amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:25 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

And what about couples that have made a mutual decision to live that way because, for whatever reason, they feel it's right for them

amother

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:26 pm

I think that a married man who chooses to not provide for his family is causing his family to be poor. Unless they’re being supported I guess. I won’t apologize for that.

mommy3b2c

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:29 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

And what about couples that have made a mutual decision to live that way because, for whatever reason, they feel it's right for them

Ummmm....

Didn’t I just say that???

amother

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:30 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

And what about couples that have made a mutual decision to live that way because, for whatever reason, they feel it's right for them

Then they’re both doing it to themselves

amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:31 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Ummmm....

Didn’t I just say that???

Meaning, why are their reasons anyone's business. Whether they're happy, unhappy. That's between them, no?

amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Then they’re both doing it to themselves

So in other words, working towards a lifestyle like yours is the only legitimate way for a person to live.

Do you feel proud of what you've achieved?

amother

Amber

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:33 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Then they’re both doing it to themselves

No lie detected.

I don’t know why amothers with a specific agenda need to come into these threads and spoil it for everyone else.

amother

Amber

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:34 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

So in other words, working towards a lifestyle like yours is the only legitimate way for a person to live.

Do you feel proud of what you've achieved?

In other words you need to practice summarizing because that ain’t accurate.

amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:36 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

In other words you need to practice summarizing because that ain’t accurate.

How so? Genuinely trying to understand the mindset of certain wealthy people. If you would provide a more accurate summary, that might be helpful for those of us who are making an attempt to understand you, as per your thread title.

amother

Smokey

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Then they’re both doing it to themselves

And if they're happy with their lifestyle? I.e. they don't mind living poor? Why would that bother you?

mommy3b2c

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:40 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

Meaning, why are their reasons anyone's business. Whether they're happy, unhappy. That's between them, no?

Umm no. If the wife is not happy, then she doesn’t want it to be like that. Even if she originally agreed to it. It’s his obligation to go to work. The Chofetz chaim worked. Are all these guys better than the Chofetz chaim?

amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:44 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I'm just wondering why it's your business to judge whether the wife is happy or not, whether the husband should be working or not, etc.

Would you be comfortable with someone judging you if, for example, your dh was out working all hours to keep you guys wealthy, and they thought you were unhappy about that and decided you were living an irresponsible lifestyle, raising children without their father being involved in their lives?

amother

Lime

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:51 pm

Please don’t misinterpret peoples words.

Most comfortable and wealthy people know that it’s a huge bracha from Hashem, and I know that he can take it as quickly as he gives it, and it has nothing to do with the effort put in.

I love to help people whenever I can, be it if their income is just not enough for them, they aren’t capable of working, they’re out of a job etc.
Most of my friends are of a lower income bracket than me, and I’m fine either way.
I’m not sure many of them realize how much more we earn than them, and it doesn’t matter.
I’m a generous person by nature and love sharing my food, house, time etc... (not money related).

That being said, if there is a household that is struggling and there is no effort to bring in income, then while I try to help, we also try to get someone in that household to start earning money in any way possible.

amother

Olive

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:52 pm

small bean wrote:

I'm comfortable BH and I do judge people's choices.

I have a friend who can't finish the month in the black. She sometimes doesn't have money to pay for gas or food. So when I see her buy things or spend money on what I determine stupidities. I do judge.

I know it's mean and wrong but I still do it. At least I get points for honesty.

I probably don’t belong posting on here bec we aren’t wealthy. Barely comfortable. But bH are better off then many ppl I know and we live way below our means and save a lot for the future and we are in a position to give ma’aer plus a bit more bH to tzedakah. Which makes me feel really blessed

We give a large part of our ma’aser to family. It used to bother me bec sometimes one SIL would put the money toward things I wouldn’t buy myself. But to her it was really spiritual. Like something for the house for shavous. I constantly have to remind myself my mitzvah is to give the tzedakah. And it ends there. I’m working on myself not to judge bec it’s not for me to do. Not always easy.

Sometimes it bothers me that I killed myself to work 7 hours to make that money and she works half those hours. But again - none of my business.

mommy3b2c

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:56 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

A. I’m not wealthy
B. I’m not judging anyone specifically. I’m saying that if the wife is not happy then the husband needs to at least try. Obviously I don’t really know who’s happy unless they tell me so. I am talking hypothetically.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, May 09 2021, 2:59 pm

We are on the edge between comfortable and wealthy. Wat that means on a practical level, and this is a big deal, is the ability to choose and pay for any school and/or therapist or activity that our kids need. Being that we have multiple special needs kids, this eats up a decent amount of our post-tax income (though we use every health savings account and education savings account that we can.) It's really nice to know that if I have a kid who's not a great eater and has low vitamin c and calcium, I can buy the fancy Tropicana orange juice every week. And if I have a dd with low self esteem or social skills, I can put her in three extracurriculars to help boost her.

IME, I have friends who sometimes are awkward with me and sometimes are happy for me and sometimes are grateful, when we are able to be helpful. For example, I'll make or finance the meat when I help make sheva brachos, and when I volunteer to organize something for an institution, I've often try to pay for things on my own vs having the institution do it. But I try not to be obvious about it. My house looks like everyone else's, maybe less organized. And I'm not a spender for the sake of it, and not a clothes person, etc. On the thread a bit back about what people spend on, I chose convenience.

amother

Sun, May 09 2021, 3:03 pm

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

And if they're happy with their lifestyle? I.e. they don't mind living poor? Why would that bother you?

It doesn’t bother me at all

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