S/O H.S. Things you only notice once you’re out

amother

Sat, May 08 2021, 11:06 pm

I’m out over 10 years and it recently stuck me when u was thinking back to some classmates how poor a big chunk of my class was. It’s funny cuz there was still a lot of peer pressure. Guess that’s just inevitable.

amother

Blonde

Sat, May 08 2021, 11:42 pm

How the girls I always thought of as unmotivated and lazy, or just not smart, likely had undiagnosed learning disabilities and little, if any, academic or emotional support.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, May 09 2021, 12:18 am

How being successful in high school has nothing to do with being successful in life. I had a hard time in school socially and academically. Bh I'm successful in my career and have lots of friends and a beautiful family 10 years later...

doodlesmom

Sun, May 09 2021, 12:26 am

That some really popular and well like girls were “less than”candidates when it comes to shidduchim, because of looks, family backgrounds etc.

amother

Teal

Sun, May 09 2021, 12:52 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

This. Kind of.
I was an A student and have a dead end nothing special job, but I do have a beautiful family Baruch Hashem.
Most of the girls who became financially successful were not the A students- far from it.

I think though that this may be a BY thing, because many of the jobs A students would be interested in are not easily accessible or easily achieved as a BY girl. So people open their own businesses or go into creative fields which is not for all A students.

I am happy with my life, that's what counts! I also somehow have the admiration of my husband for my so called smarts, which is nice and makes me feel good. He thinks I'm smart.

Goody2shoes

Sun, May 09 2021, 1:02 am

All of the above
I wish that the schools would actually understand this too. I've watched teachers humiliate the weaker students by asking them that if they can't excel or pay attention in school what will become of them? Well these girls are the ones with beautiful homes today's days. Who would have thunk

amother

Blue

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:20 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

And I'm the opposite... was a straight A student, but struggling and overwhelmed in life. I also don't have any close friends either.

amother

Orchid

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:23 am

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

And I'm the opposite... was a straight A student, but struggling and overwhelmed in life. I also don't have any close friends either.

Me too!!

amother

Turquoise

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:24 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

I once read that kids that are easily straight a students have a hard time in the real world cuz they never learned disappointment or hard work. Don’t know if it’s true.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:26 am

I know plenty of A students who have done just fine in the "real" world.

But also, plenty of late bloomers (socially) who matured and came into their own as adults.

amother

Peach

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:30 am

How all the cliques and groups in my class had tons of politics and issues and that I should be grateful I joined the group of "misfits" from our grade. We spent high school not caring what anyone thought of us and were all great friends still. One of them is like my sister.

All the cool kids aren't really in touch with each other. And it's not that much fun to be "Cool".

amother

Gold

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:32 am

Left school over 20 years ago...

I have found that among my close group of friends, we all basically built the lives that were expected of us. Those of us who wanted "long term learners" are still in Klei kodesh. From my group, most husbands are rebbeim, and one is a Rav.

There were a few surprises. One of my friends who I always thought of as very shallow and would say sacrilegious things all the time, is so full of emuna today. When we talk about shidduchim for our kids, she is the one that keeps talking about Hashem. She also attends many shiurim.

I found that even those girls who seemed socially off, or who were extremely poor, overweight, whatever ..they all got married. Except for one girl in my grade who is still single.

There was only one girl in my grade (of over 70) whose parents had divorced and remarried.(afaik.) She was raised by her mother and stepfather. She is today the only girl in our grade who is divorced. (Afaik)

BH Yom Yom

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:35 am

All of the above.

“The former A students end up tutoring the children of the former B students...in the buildings owned by the former C students.”

Not true across the board, but I’ve seen this again and again.

Hashem gives everyone things they are good at. For some people that’s school. For others it could be people skills. Or business skills. Or artistic skills. Or music. Or communication. Or sales. Etc.

FTR, I was an A student except for math and some science. It was humbling to realize that working hard and putting in effort wouldn’t necessarily guarantee that I’d excel in the more challenging subjects. The students who struggled in areas I was good at weren’t necessarily trying less hard than I was.

Redbird

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:47 am

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

I once read that kids that are easily straight a students have a hard time in the real world cuz they never learned disappointment or hard work. Don’t know if it’s true.

And the studious, rule follower, straight A students too.

Following instructions works great in school, but in real life its important to be resourceful, creative, and be able to stand up for yourself despite what people think...

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:51 am

Yup. I was that A student who was successful in high school and now I'm struggling so much with motherhood and being a wife. My classmates who didn't do well academically are thriving as wives and mothers.

amother

Lavender

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:53 am

There are plenty of things about the world that I realized since leaving high school about thirty years ago but most of them are more due to growing up and having life experience than anything having to do with HS per se.

I do wish I would have realized in HS that no one is going to give a hoot about any of the cool snobby girls a few years after HS. I also wish I would have realized how snobby some of them were. Being that many of the cool girls were also the straight A students who the teachers respected I looked at them as the "good girls" without factoring in how snobby some of them were.

No big surprises in where any girls and how any girls ended up in life. The only real difference that I see is that some of the girls who seemed very frum back then and some of the girls who did not seem so frum back then would be looked at the opposite today.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:59 am

How all students assumed teachers were role models at least on a minimal level, and some a lot. Then I realized how weird some of them are from an adult pov. And no way should they be seen as role models.

BH Yom Yom

Sun, May 09 2021, 9:26 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

Yes, well-said.

amother

Denim

Sun, May 09 2021, 10:32 am

I barely learned anything in HS that was practical for the real world.
No emphasis on home economics, budgeting....
Chumash, Navi, history... are all nice to know but not very helpful when you get to he real world.
The schools really should change their curriculums!

amother

Powderblue

Sun, May 09 2021, 10:35 am

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Do you want Jewish women to be ignorant of our heritage? You can learn very quickly how to budget or cook supper. But what kind of Jewish home can you run without a connection to the things that matter?