Horrible boss | Imamother

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Working Women

Horrible boss

1 2 3 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Wed, May 12 2021, 10:57 am

I’m sorry this is so long.

The stress is killing me. I got a new boss around October time. From the beginning, we didn’t have a great relationship. I was autonomous and used to discussing problems or issues with all management people. Then the company got bought out, everything was restructured, and I got a new boss.

She took credit for my work and never said thank youq, and would frequently interfere with my management in the workplace. I was getting more and more frustrated until I said something to upper management. She sat me down and told me I was being “passive aggressive” (by not telling my boss outright that she was treating me badly? Did she realize I wanted to keep my job?) but after that meeting, things were going great. Our respective roles were more clearly defined and we had a really good working relationship.

Or so I thought.

She and I disagreed on how to handle a very sensitive issue. It’s her job to assess risk but it’s my job to obey the law. I asked her why she was making certain decisions in an email. Privately. I didn’t go above her head. I reviewed my correspondence and saved it - I was not rude. Just factual and direct.

Now I’m on the chopping block. I was pulled into a meeting where I was written up for poor behavior. She lost her composure completely during that meeting and screamed at me very personal things. She implied she doesn’t like me at all and a lot of brutal other things. When I thought we were working well together, I didn’t realize she was compiling a list of all the times I asked why she chose to do things a certain way, and use that as a reason to fire me.

Things are set in motion that I can see, and I’m not long for this job. Im devastated. I loved this job. I made a lot of money at this job. I’ve worked here for years. This firing is not because of my poor performance, (in fact just completed a few major projects) but because someone is insecure and doesn’t like to be questioned.

I can’t eat. (Which is crazy I can always eat no matter what). I can’t sleep. My head hurts all the time. I can’t talk to my children or my husband. I feel persecuted at work and silenced and shamed. I do my job and don’t say a word during executive meetings unless directly asked. I’m not a crier but I want to cry all the time.

I don’t want shavuos to come because all I’ll have is this empty pit in my stomach that’s churning churning all the time and I can’t deal with it.

I know this was long. Thanks for listening.

amother

Papaya

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:04 am

I'm sorry, this sounds awful. You sound smart and competent and I hope you find a new job where you are respected and appreciated.

amother

Pewter

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:10 am

I'm sorry. Sounds horrible. I hope there is a quick and positive turnaround for you.
I know this won't make you feel better today, but maybe tomorrow or next week you'll feel better knowing that while the job market is always tough, many, many businesses are looking for people with managerial experience and are willing to pay well for it - and from what you wrote, it seems like you have it.

amother

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:23 am

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

I'm sorry, this sounds awful. You sound smart and competent and I hope you find a new job where you are respected and appreciated.

I’m looking on indeed and there’s just nothing.

amother

Wheat

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:24 am

Hugs that is the worst feeling ever! Is there an HR department to speak to?

amother

Lavender

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:32 am

It seems your boss felt that taking things to upper management crossed the line. Now the relationship has deteriorated to a point that is seemingly beyond repair. Being this is the case, your best move here might be to go to upper management again. You might have nothing to lose if you feel you might lose your job by doing nothing. Explain to them that she is creating a hostile environment for you. Document specific examples. I realize this really infuriated her last time but it seems you might not have a choice. Hatslachah!

amother

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:37 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Hugs that is the worst feeling ever! Is there an HR department to speak to?

Anyone who’s reading this should know this: HR is not there to help you. It’s there to help the company. Always remember that. They’re not on your side, they’re there to make sure the company can’t be sued.

Also, the HR person frequently asks me for direction, she’s pretty incompetent. She’s not someone I feel up to the task to admonish someone who could get her fired as well.

amother

Jetblack

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:38 am

Can you start documenting all the things that she has done to you and report to HR?. Sometimes the worst thing ends up being the best thing. Something similar happened. Hard to see the positive but beH this should work out better for you, whatever happens.

amother

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:39 am

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

The upper management I went to before is now lateral management. Meaning, they’re both on the same level. “Upper” management consists of the two people who hired her in the first place.

It’s pretty hopeless.

amother

Bronze

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:42 am

I am so sorry for your experience. However you seem to have a problem with recognizing that other people can do their job, your boss, HR. You have to do your job and they have to do their job. It doesn’t matter if you would have done it a different way. It is never ok to yell at somebody and your boss is obviously out of contro but this is just something to think about. Btw; you do sound very competent. What kind of job is this ?

amother

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:42 am

By the way. Just knowing people are even reading this makes me feel better. Thank you to all of you trying to help!

amother

Lavender

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:48 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If this is the case and you do lose your job, maybe you should speak with an attorney. You have the right to work in an environment free of harassment. It seems things escalated when you questioned your boss (via email, so you have documentation) about the legality of an issue. Things went from bad to worse from there. You have rights. Find out what they are.

And speaking of passive aggressive, maybe drop a hint or two, that you will fight for your rights and won't accept getting fired without a potential legal battle. Maybe that will get them to back off a little. Good luck!

amother

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:51 am

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Pretty fair point. I appreciate this perspective. I wonder sometimes if I’ve done this job so long that I come across as know-it-all or bossy. I always find it’s a tricky balance to manage but seem collaborative instead of it being an order, etc.

I do worry all the time how I come across. I try to construct emails more conversationally but I can probably use improvement. Would love more insight if anyone has.

That being said, I was worried that my boss’s behavior would result in a bad outcome with a particular client. I have a relationship with the client, she doesn’t. In the end, it worked out even better for the company, but I don’t think questioning her decision was in any way motivated by anything less than a positive company outcome. And it was a question, not a complaint or an accusation.

I am getting fired. I can’t say too much on an Internet forum but there’s a reason I’m not alerting HR.

amother

Seashell

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:58 am

The dynamic of a person doing 'risk' being the boss of someone doing 'legal' was bound to fail.

It sucks - but it was out of your hands.

(talk to a lawyer).

amother

Magenta

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:59 am

If you get fired you can take a break and collect unemployment while you try to find a new job

amother

Wed, May 12 2021, 11:59 am

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

The dynamic of a person doing 'risk' being the boss of someone doing 'legal' was bound to fail.

It sucks - but it was out of your hands.

(talk to a lawyer).

Love you. What a succinct analysis of the problem. This is genius. I’m serious. How did no one see this, including myself?

Thank you! And yes, I know. Smile

amother

Bronze

Wed, May 12 2021, 12:00 pm

Sometimes when you work somewhere for a long time you actually DO know better. There’s still a hierarchy though. If you really like this job, don’t give up. Put your head down and go apologize with HR and upper management in the room (this way she can’t twist what happened). Ask for a meeting and explain that you like this job and are invested in the company but you understand that there is a process that needs to be followed. Assuage her ego a little bit and then see if there’s a way that you can minimize interactions with her.

miami85

Wed, May 12 2021, 12:09 pm

Oy, I've had this headache, not just once but 3-4 times that it was like "vayakam melech/malka chadash/a" and I was mistreated abused, I even got (likely, though I was never officially diagnosed by a professional I'm certain) PTSD from all the horrible bosses I had-as it was like 4 in a row. It really makes a difference when you have a boss who respects you. After those 4 horrible ones I had 3 consecutive incredible bosses and I really began to thrive. It makes a huge difference in your performance and mental health. I hope you find a good one soon.

amother

Firebrick

Wed, May 12 2021, 12:32 pm

Honestly it’s great for you that she lost control and screamed at you. Even better that other people were there to witness it and can testify to it. Harassment of any kind is illegal. Personal attacks? This will all work against her/the company if you decide to go the legal route. Perhaps a warning email from you to her, with HR and upper management cc’d, detailing exactly what was said to you in that meeting and showing that you know exactly how illegal that is, will do the trick for you to keep your job and for this boss to be watched more carefully.

amother

Pewter

Wed, May 12 2021, 12:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m looking on indeed and there’s just nothing.

Recruiters might be more helpful. You can find lots of good ones on Linkedin.

Page 1 of 3

1 2 3 Next