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I hate hosting!!
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 12:50 pm
There, I said it!
Is there any way to announce it to the world as well?
I have a bunch of little kids, and between taking care of them, making nicer foods, and serving, I have no interest in hosting. Problem is, there are people out there expecting invites for meals from us.
Am I just being lazy? I get anxious just thinking about having guest over Sad .
The only guest I don't mind are single guys who don't care what or how you serve them 😜
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amother
Amber


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 12:52 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
There, I said it!
Is there any way to announce it to the world as well?
I have a bunch of little kids, and between taking care of them, making nicer foods, and serving, I have no interest in hosting. Problem is, there are people out there expecting invites for meals from us.
Am I just being lazy? I get anxious just thinking about having guest over Sad .
The only guest I don't mind are single guys who don't care what or how you serve them 😜


Totally. Whenever we're having a women over I'm like "DH! I need to make green vegetables!!"
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amother
Silver


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 12:53 pm
Me too. After a long week I just want a quiet, no pressure Shabbos. Dh loves hosting so it’s really difficult
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amother
Blue


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 12:56 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
There, I said it!
Is there any way to announce it to the world as well?
I have a bunch of little kids, and between taking care of them, making nicer foods, and serving, I have no interest in hosting. Problem is, there are people out there expecting invites for meals from us.
Am I just being lazy? I get anxious just thinking about having guest over Sad .
The only guest I don't mind are single guys who don't care what or how you serve them 😜


Instead of hosting, send them a meal, or something similar, with a note thanking them for hosting you (if that's the case) -- be exuberant about it. Then say that while you're looking forward to when you are able to host, you're not in a position to do so now, so you hope they'll accept this meal instead.

Or take them out for a meal if they host you frequently, or for coffee during the week.

If you're hosting families with kids about the same age as yours, then they're not likely to expect anything elaborate in any case.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 1:03 pm
Who is expecting an invite?
For me, my family and my physical and mental health come first. When my kids are older I'll be happy to start hosting again.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 1:05 pm
Do you like being hosted? Then you also need to host.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 1:06 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
Who is expecting an invite?
For me, my family and my physical and mental health come first. When my kids are older I'll be happy to start hosting again.


Some relatives that live walking distance. One family has mentioned several times that they would love to spend time together shabbosim (hint hint! ). Others haven't said anything, but we just feel like they are expecting an invite
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 1:09 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
Do you like being hosted? Then you also need to host.


We cannot go to anyone for meals, because no eruv
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 1:29 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Some relatives that live walking distance. One family has mentioned several times that they would love to spend time together shabbosim (hint hint! ). Others haven't said anything, but we just feel like they are expecting an invite


Can you invite them over for shalishudis instead of Friday night dinner or Shabbos lunch? That's much more low key and you don't have to put out an elaborate meal. Another option is to ask people if they would be interested in a potluck meal. That makes it more casual and takes a lot of the work off of your shoulders.
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Goody2shoes




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 1:36 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
Do you like being hosted? Then you also need to host.

wait, who established that rule? I love hosting and I don't care for being hosted. and for some people its easier to go out then having guest.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 1:37 pm
Maybe can invite them over afternoon, after lunch, like just to sit around and talk and can just serve chips and drinks for a snack or something like that.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 2:53 pm
I love hosting, but sometimes people invite themselves over and I don't want to be embarrassed and not have enough food! So I buy some premade food and leave it in the freezer for these emergencies, that way there's no stress.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 3:11 pm
You're under no obligation to have guests if you don't want to. Yes, it's a mitzvah, but what is meant by "hachnassat orchim" is not entertaining your friends, family and neighbors for the social pleasure of it; it means providing food and lodging to people in need of such. Very few of us really do this, although we probably get credit for it if we contribute to organizations that provide such services.

There are stages in life at which having guests is less feasible than at other times. For many people with young children, having guests is an enormous burden. You should not be made to feel guilty if it's too much for you. People are expecting invites? Too bad. Their expectations do not translate into your obligation.

Of course if we're talking about your parents and inlaws, the picture changes. You really do have to have them over once in a blue moon. They're your parents, after all. But everyone else including siblings? Let them wait till your kids are bigger.

This is all assuming that having guests really is an overwhelming burden and you're not just being lazy. Hopefully you have sufficient honesty and self-knowledge to know the difference.
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Crookshanks




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 3:39 pm
Maybe you can lower your standards for families and women as well as single guys. Especially for Shabbos day, once everyone has had cholent they don't need much else (salad and a deli platter for example).
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lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 6:22 pm
Crookshanks wrote:
Maybe you can lower your standards for families and women as well as single guys. Especially for Shabbos day, once everyone has had cholent they don't need much else (salad and a deli platter for example).


And worse case scenario they don't ask to come back. Win win. LOL
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 7:42 pm
Do you want advice or to vent? I find most people aren’t coming for the food, but for the company. People are really ok with simple
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SYA




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 12 2021, 8:34 pm
I used to cook and bake a lot for guests. I learnt from experience. I can't be in the kitchen all Thurs and Fri cooking and baking. I make very basic Shabbos meals as my family is very picky. When there's guest I'll make an extra salad and sometimes buy another dip. This way there's no pressure on me. If there's pressure then I'll feel resentful and won't want to host again. BH my guests don't leave hungry. The bochurim I host come back BH so I know they enjoy the company.
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 13 2021, 4:54 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Some relatives that live walking distance. One family has mentioned several times that they would love to spend time together shabbosim (hint hint! ). Others haven't said anything, but we just feel like they are expecting an invite

I like to spend time with people on Shabbat too, but it doesn't have to be over a meal.
Tell them "We would love to spend time with you! Please stop by after lunch at 3:30"
People expecting an invite shouldn't be your problem unless they are elderly or there is some reason they can't eat at home.
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piegirl




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 13 2021, 5:31 am
zaq wrote:


This is all assuming that having guests really is an overwhelming burden and you're not just being lazy. Hopefully you have sufficient honesty and self-knowledge to know the difference.


Just wondering where you get that from? I’m not op, I also have a bunch of small kids and hate hosting. Do you remember having small kids?
Kids pulling the set tablecloth off after it’s set, eating the salad before the guests come falling off the chair trying to get to the counter, opening the fridge (bc it’s not locked since you need it every second when preparing the meal) and helping themselves to yogurt which they then spill all over, insisting on carrying dips to the table then dropping them….
Really? If this is hard for me then it’s possible I need to do a cheshbon hanefesh on whether I’m being lazy?
You’re usually so on target. Yes I’m posting under my username.
And before anyone tells me I need to get my children under control I have 3 very challenging children and other ones and I’m going through a very very hard pregnancy physically and emotionally. I am doing my very best to help my children and for some those things are developmentally appropriate.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Thu, May 13 2021, 5:41 am
I tried hosting when we were first married with young kids and I found it draining so I stopped. Now my friends come in the afternoon after I've napped and feel refreshed or I visit them much better. I find it easier to shmooze over fruit then preparing, cooking, serving etc after a long week of working and dealing with the kids. If you can't do it then don't do it nobody is forcing you and you have to take care of yourself. Maybe try making a list of priorities and put this on the back burner until your ready. ....
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