If someone tells the same joke over and over

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Sat, May 15 2021, 2:02 pm

Do you:

Smile politely?

Not acknowledge them?

Point out that they tell that joke often?

amother

Taupe

Sat, May 15 2021, 2:07 pm

What's your relationship to this person? You can tell your husband - afterwards! - that he tells this joke a lot.

For everyone else, just smile politely.

Elfrida

Sat, May 15 2021, 2:12 pm

Smile politely, agree and move the conversation on. Eventually my father would get the hint.

amother

Sat, May 15 2021, 2:30 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

What's your relationship to this person? You can tell your husband - afterwards! - that he tells this joke a lot.

For everyone else, just smile politely.

It's my mother. Every time I open a new package of some kind of food (cookies, cheese, whatever) and eat some, she pretends she doesn't know I opened it, inspects the package and says "we'll have to take it back, there's some missing!".
It was funny the first time.

Success10

Sat, May 15 2021, 3:06 pm

I envision there's some backstory here... Do you feel like she is subtly criticizing you in a way? Or she's just a little socially off when it comes to humor? Does it frustrate you?

amother

Taupe

Sat, May 15 2021, 3:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

"Oh my goodness, you're right! This keeps happening! Maybe you need to shop somewhere else."

Is she trying to say in a passive aggressive way that you eat too much, or that she doesn't want you helping yourself to food in her house? Or is she just trying to be funny? Does she say this to other people?

A lot depends on your relationship and what's behind the comment.

FranticFrummie

Sat, May 15 2021, 3:43 pm

Is she socially off in other ways?
Has she been having memory problems lately?

amother

Wine

Sat, May 15 2021, 5:48 pm

How about people who repeat the same stories over and over again. Not necessarily an elderly person...

At what point do I say, ye right, you told me.

I always pretend I never heard and exclaim excitedly. So boring. Especially because she loves herself and gloats all the time, it can get a bit much. I should really stop giving her so much attention.

amother

Seafoam

Sat, May 15 2021, 11:38 pm

Dh does this. He makes jokes about and to various kids about things that genuinely bother them, but he finds it funny and repeatedly forgets that they don't like it and makes the jokes again. He does have some issues with social skills.

Growing up, my dad, and the dad next door, used to do this all the time. They were both socially fine- they considered it Dad Privilege to make stupid jokes repeatedly and have the kids groan.

amother

White

Sat, May 15 2021, 11:44 pm

At this point, my father is so predictable with some of his stories that my siblings and I can mime his hand gestures and mouth certain phrases along with him. He’s generally good-natured about our ribbing and sometimes makes (the same!) self-deprecating jokes about being a broken record.

I think those stories are interesting to him and have witticisms that make him feel clever, so I try to make sure my “I’ve seen this a million times” eye rolls are still gentle and respectful, in an inclusive “that’s my dad! He sure has some classic tales to tell” kind of way. My siblings have more strained relationships with him, and take these oft-repeated stories as evidence of his insecurities or narcissism, and will complain about it behind his back.

Seeing him do this my whole life has made me very self-aware and self-conscious about repeating stories or jokes myself. I get so scared that I’ll be the annoying one that people roll their eyes at. I have to make sure I have a completely new audience...

amother

White

Sun, May 16 2021, 12:06 am

Omg this just happened to me yesterday. I just finally snapped, and I wish I hadn’t but whatever.

We got a new smoke detector a few weeks ago that is hyper-hypersensitive. It goes off at the barest whiff of anything - a bit of flour was on the bottom of a baking sheet and fell onto the oven floor? BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP. Using my grill pan and a burger is barely charred? BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP. It probably goes off a couple of times a week, which is waaay too often!!

And DH keeps making the “I guess that’s the dinner bell!” joke. And the first dozen times I ignored it or gritted my teeth and I opened windows for a cross breeze and got the step stool to reach the shut off button on the alarm and dealt with kids screaming to “stop that racket!”

But I finally snapped (inside) and calmly but firmly/curtly (outside) told DH “please don’t make that joke again. I don’t find it funny.”

And he was like, “why so sensitive?”

And I said, “it was okay the first few times. But the more it’s repeated the more I feel it’s a criticism of me - like I’m a bad cook and the food I serve is burnt. And it’s not! It’s not even a true statement - the food in the oven now is raw and so if you were expecting dinner, blame the crazy alarm, because the food’s not ready.”

And he was like “jeez, are you okay? Why are you so upset about this?”

And I hate it because I feel like I’m crazy and touchy and looking for a fight, when I’M NOT. I just want you to stop making that joke!!!!!

amother

Blush

Sun, May 16 2021, 12:14 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If it hurts your feelings just tell her.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, May 16 2021, 12:59 am

I would say I guess the person shopping needs stronger glasses to realize there are some missing while in the store. Sounds like she's trying to fat shame.

amother

Sun, May 16 2021, 3:50 am

There's no criticism behind it, she's even told me before that I don't need to lose weight.

She is a little socially off and has minor memory issues, but I think she knows she made the joke yesterday etc because the the memory issues aren't that big.

It doesn't offend me, I just don't know how to respond. I smiled politely at first and then just ignored her.

amother

Taupe

Sun, May 16 2021, 4:03 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok, so it's benign but annoying. I say come up with a funny response of your own and use it every time. That might alert her to what she's doing. And if it doesn't, at least you'll be dealing with this on autopilot.

amother

Rose

Sun, May 16 2021, 4:04 am

Who cares-it’s a pretty benign quirk/fault

She has minor memory issues and it doesn’t hurt your feelings- think of it like a Tic and let it go

amother

Babypink

Sun, May 16 2021, 7:23 am

My father does this constantly. I just ignore it. Sometimes I might smile a little, but usually not.

FranticFrummie

Sun, May 16 2021, 7:34 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Most people who know me aren't aware the extent of my memory issues.

I've become self aware enough to ask "Have I told you about _____?" before I launch into my latest news. About half the time I had already discussed it, so I know my instinct was right to ask first.

If mom is socially off, she might not be aware that she's repeating herself. I needed people to kindly bring it to my attention that I had already told them things. I really appreciated it.

Getting older is embarrassing. Everyone wants to think that they are going to be as sharp as a tack until 120, but not all of us will be. It has to be handled graciously, from a place of love and not irritation.

It can be super annoying to be told things over and over, but you have to be very careful not to embarrass someone. It's a very sensitive fine line to walk, especially with someone who is close to you. Only you can be the best judge of how they will take it.

amother

Lilac

Sun, May 16 2021, 7:37 am

Pretend to be interested and laugh.

imasinger

Sun, May 16 2021, 7:45 am

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

"Oh my goodness, you're right! This keeps happening! Maybe you need to shop somewhere else."

Then this is an ideal response.

And amother White's DH's smoke alarm comment, which I personally find mildly amusing, even repeated (assuming her DH was helpful in shutting the thing off and maybe helping her figure out fans and windows so it wouldn't happen so often), could be answered with, "yup. Smoked grease, coming right up!"

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