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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Dd has become very overweight in the past 2 years
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Chana Miriam S




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 24 2021, 9:12 pm
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
Caring is good, but talking about a sensitive issue when not offering real help can actually do a lot of harm.


You can talk about it and work To find the solution together. I have forty five years of disordered eating under my belt. It’s true that no one knew what to do and just Kept me on diets that never worked. Obesity is a chronic condition and should be treated as such. The answer is not losing weight per se.

I hated my life. Diets killed me. I was such a glutton. I hated myself.

But the thing is, these days we know more. We know that when someone gains or loses weight I unintentionally it can be a medical issue. So you start there. If it isn’t a medical issue, fine, you can leave it alone. But if she’s hiding eating, better you should know. You can be supportive. You can help her not to hide it. Help her work with her issues.

This actually isn’t about fat or thin. It’s about being proactive medically and learning how to take care of yourself as an adult.

Gosh, even if you can help her learn how to prevent weight gain that will be helpful. Or to prevent metabolic disorder even if she stays overweight.

This is not about looks and it’s not about shame. It’s about living our best lives.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Mon, May 24 2021, 9:23 pm
lamplighter wrote:
I have disordered eating because of my mother's "help".
I learned to eat in private and binge because I didn't know when I'd next be offered these foods.
I often wonder if I would have the weight issue I do if my mother just let me figure it out on my own. Or had it come from a doctor.

And I am bravely posting under my screen name.


wish I was as brave as you, but posting anonymously..
THIS
my mom seriously killed my healthy relationship with food as well as with pretty much everything in my life
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amother
Denim


 

Post Mon, May 24 2021, 10:10 pm
Please take her to get checked for PCOS. So many medications out there can help. I too wish I was brave enough to post under my sn. But yes my mom destroyed my relationship with food. If only I knew earlier I had a disease and it was not my fault and when/if I was ready there would be a specific diet that helps.
If its not PCOS just find something about her that is beautiful and make a big deal. Her hair, her skin, beautiful eyes etc.....
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Mon, May 24 2021, 10:23 pm
I would check to make sure it’s not a medical issue and if not see if it’s a mental . Sneaking food, eating in private and binging are all really not good and she can get help. If not just leave her alone. She probably feels bad enough and doesn’t need her own mother commenting on it.
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Window




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 24 2021, 10:29 pm
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
You should encourage her to exercise. Emphasize that it is not about weight, it's about health, because that's the truth. Exercise doesn't alone help to lose weight, but overweight people who exercise are much healthier than those at the same weight who don't.
As for weight loss, that is really a lifelong struggle for most people. She needs to see a specialist about that, either to find an underlying medical issue or to address the weight directly.
With shidduchim, all you can do is look for a young man who will love her the way she is.

You can’t exactly tell a child that exercise is good for everyone, but only tell the fat kid to exercise.
You can sign up for classes/gym or go walking TOGETHER. Otherwise, she won’t believe you that exercising is good for everyone
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EstyEF




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 2:59 pm
It's possible she could have PCOS. Another flag that comes up for me with teens gaining excessive weight, even if you think she's not eating in secret, is depression.
If it's not one of those (or even if it is) could you find an exercise that's fun for the two of you to do together? If she complains about her weight or seems unhappy you could offer a nutritionist. Of course there's the possibility that this is just what your daughters body is going to be like. Stay focused on what is wonderful about her. Is she smart, kind, a beautiful neshama? Daven that she will find the young man who will marry her for this. You sound like an amazing mother, by the way.
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amother
Dahlia


 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 5:40 pm
If all of the bloodwork is coming up normal, and she's eating normally, have her get a scan for pituitary tumors. They can cause rapid weight gain and growth, and no amount of diet and exercise will help as long as the tumors are active.

Be prepared to go through several doctors who will tell you that your DD needs to be on a diet and exercise program, and be prepared for them to suspect that you are less than truthful about what she eats at home. Getting a doctor to treat weight as a medical issue, instead of an eating issue, is not easy. You have to be persistent.
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