Decisions about moving

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

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amother

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 12:19 am

How do you make big decisions about where to live?
I live in five towns, my husband wants to move to Florida. I know this is talked about a lot...my question is different, how do you make the decision to go? We have pros and cons for each place.
We keep switching what we want to do Banging head

Please no sarcastic answers
Went through housing, jobs, etc.
We have pros and cons to both and we would honestly be able to make either work.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 12:26 am

What kind of schools are available for your children. What the neighborhood is like in terms of social and material expectations.

If you're looking to uproot completely, then Israel should be on the table as a consideration. Maybe it won't work for you now, but it should always be a goal.

amother

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 12:40 am

Israel is too far in terms of distance, culture, and family. Maybe moshiach will come today though!

mra01385

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 8:25 am

I know it’s not common but ask your LOR or rabbi your family is close with for advice and brachos for success. This is what we do before we make any big move. Hatzlacha’

Oldest

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 10:24 am

We asked our rav a similar question and he basically told us to make sure that the schools are good for your kids and that you are going to be with people you know aka have some sort of support system there ie that means either moving with friends/family or already having friends/family there

busy mommy

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 11:15 am

I find that if I give myself a deadline for a decision then it pushes me to decide. (you can put staying as one of the options, pushing off decision for another year as an option etc.) But discussing without an end in sight is very frustrating.

amother

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 12:02 pm

We asked our rav, he basically said it’s wherever we want to go and be happy. Schools are ok in either place, my daughters school is good and I heard the bais yaakov there is nice. I don’t know anyone personally but I was told that’s normal for moving out of town, you have to make friends. We’ve been thinking about it for over two years! We don’t like the intensity in town but I don’t know if that’s enough that we should move
(Other than sunny weather!)
So now we just need to decide and we can’t seem to get ourselves together!

amother

Slategray

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 12:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What does 'intensity' mean to you, and are you sure where you are looking at isn't intense in a different way?

doctorima

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 1:14 pm

Have you gone to visit the community in FL that you're considering? Many times we conjure up images in our head based on what we hear and read, but they're not completely accurate. If you go spend a Shabbos there and daven in a few of the shuls that best fit you, and try to visit the schools on Friday, maybe check out the park on Shabbos or Sunday, you will often get a feel for whether you will truly be happy there.

amother

Linen

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 1:21 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

What does 'intensity' mean to you, and are you sure where you are looking at isn't intense in a different way?

Just as a heads up, the schools in Florida are really bursting at the seams. You can't decide to move in July and just register your kids. You need to first make sure there is room for them.

We almost moved to Florida. We were very close. We spoke to mentors and rabbeim a lot along the way.
In the end, we stayed put. I wanted to move more than Dh did. The truth is, we are fine where we are, but I think wed be happier there. Admittedly, I' m sure there are imperfections there that we are unaware of and can't know without living there.

For us, the COL is a lot higher there than it is here (Lakewood), and my husband could not handle the major downgrade we would have in gashmius and wasn't sold that the ruchnius would be much better.
A list of pros and cons only makes sense if the things are all equal. So Florida might have better weather, but maybe your kids need services that do not exist in Florida. That's not 1 pt in each, that makes Florida an automatic no.

Sesame

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 2:08 pm

Best is to think it over, have a conversation with hubby and talk to a rav
Talking things out with a third party can really give clarity and you’ll get daas Torah.
Doesn’t mean the decision gets made easily but it’s more clear (btdt)

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