Would you switch schools because of bullying?

amother

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 3:55 pm

There are a group of boys who have been picking on my 5th grade son for a long time and it's breaking him. The principal and school counselor haven't been helpful and they seem to want to ignore the issues.

I want to switch DS to another school but how can I be sure that things will be better?

amother

Maroon

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:00 pm

We are switching DS11 for exactly this reason. The guidance counselor and his rebbe both agree that it's best for him to have a fresh start. The new school has other advantages as well, but is also further away, and we probably wouldn't have considered it if not for the bullying.

I am concerned that the bullying will restart in the new place - DS has ADD and is a bit socially 'off' so is an easy target. We're working on getting his ADD treated and on trying to grow his social awareness.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:02 pm

I switched my DS (who has ASD) who was being bullied.

We had a tough start in the new school, too. For us, the shutdown was really helpful to finish settling in, and b"H b"H b"H, he's had a fantastic year this year.

mha3484

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:06 pm

I say this as the mother of a child with a lot of social skills difficulties who has gotten past many of them bli ayin hara. I think its a multiprong approach. I would first seek out a competent therapist. Ideally one who will go to your sons school and watch him at recess. He should get a real sense of how your son interacts with peers. Bullies tend to pick on kids they perceive as weak. I think once you have an idea of what your dealing with you can work to strengethen your son while also giving him a fresh start at a new school. If you just switch with no deeper look into why hes being picked on the issues can follow to the new school and it will break him even more.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 4:20 pm

I did switch my son after 4th grade. The bullying was going on for a while and we complained several times. There were a group of kids who would pick on him and my son is the type of kid that will never fight back. The day we came to tell the school that we were going to pull our child out was the day the Rebbe finally saw first hand what was going on and was horrified. They tried to rationalize by telling us the lead bully was in therapy..was an only child...was too late they lost the smartest and sweetest kid. Sometimes it's actually better when the victim leaves. Could be they were jealous but he really isn't the type of kid who shows off at all but the teachers probably complimented him alot..in any case the school did not address the problem.
It took my son about half a year to adjust to his new school. We're happy he moved and so is he but it's not easy!!

amother

Denim

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:01 pm

My parents did it for me and it was the best thing possible BH. No school is ever perfect for a child but there are definitely some that are less than ideal.

imaima

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think it is actually the only solution for bullying.

You should send your child a message that this treatment should not be tolerated.

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:23 pm

A child who's bullied , without effective intervention, cannot learn. The brain needs a neuroception of safety, and if he's bullied he's likely feeling unsafe in that building.

Did you ever watch the twin towers collapse? That's what happens inside a child who's being bullied over a period of time. They gradually go down down down until they either kill themselves or kill someone else.

I say, switch schools.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 6:29 pm

yes every minute he or she is their can be dangerous both mentally and physically we pulled our son out of two schools because of the bullying that went on. Unfortunately some schools act like they are just a babysitting service and don't care or turn a blind eye. We got many professionals and our rav involved and the school didn't care. Maybe if I had my name on a building they would have cared. it's very sad. Please pull your child out before more damage is done don't wait. If they are bullied they need help and need to know you are able to get them out of the situation. Once they are out of the situation then get the help to deal with their emotions or get help simultaneously. There are many good and caring schools out there. We found them for our son and a daughter and we are very happy.

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 6:58 pm

One of my sons was bullied in daycamp, and as soon as he reported it to me I went with him to daycamp the following day, asked him to point out the bully to me, and I walked over to that boy and had a talk with him, not harsh, not threatening. It worked, he stopped bullying my son.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 7:09 pm

It worked in the three cases I know about. Me, my brother and my son.
I wish I had been switched earlier. I was bullied from Pre1A through 6th grade. Switched for 7th. My mother learned that lesson and switched my brother after giving the school one year to try to fix it by switching up the classes (didn't help)

We moved my son in the middle of the year for this. Best decision ever. Took him the rest of the year to acclimate but by the next year he was a different child.

amother

Purple

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 7:19 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

Please explain what you are doing to treat his ADD? Medication? Will that help his social gaps?

My son has ADD, and a very difficult time with nonverbal social cues (98% of socializing is nonverbal), is a tad off. He also has some OCD tendencies because of his anxiety which developed from years of social frustration. He does not need medication for focusing on schoolwork, but he suffers socially. Would love to know, what are you planning to do to help your son?

amother

Acacia

Mon, Jun 07 2021, 5:29 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

what did u say?