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Is a boss supposed to be understanding?
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alwayssmiling




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 2:36 pm
Im putting it here cuz I would love to see responses not only from working women.
My sister got married 3 days ago bh. I'm the oldest so my mother relies heavily on me. I was taking off a pretty bit of work the past few days. nothing more then a 20 minutes one day and 10 a few days later but still taking something off. my boss didn't like it and said so.
the catch is that I work for a family business. if this would be a simcha in HIS family no one would show up other then me. so I thought he would be more understanding.
anyhoo, I was talking to some friends and we had a whole discussion on this topic
Is a boss supposed to be understanding when an employee needs some time off for family emergencies or is the attitude supposed to be I pay you and you have to be accountable for every second?
lets hear it
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small bean




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 2:39 pm
Both.

I pay you and you need to take that seriously.

I understand emergencies and I will be okay with it.

Emergency though is not helping your mother. That's a favor and I might be okay with it, but aks me first.
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momof2+?




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 2:42 pm
Were people waiting for you during the time you were gone? Were you late for a meeting? 20 minutes sounds like an amount of time I could understand. But give a heads up beforehand.
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 2:42 pm
A family simcha isn't a family emergency. I understand taking time off the day of and going a bit late the next day. But more than that is unprofessional. Technically, 10-20 minutes here and there isn't that big of a deal, but I can see why a boss would be annoyed. Especially if they aren't notified about it beforehand. Taking off work because mom needs your help isn't a family emergency.
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Amarante




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 2:56 pm
I second what small bean wrote.

What you described isn’t an emergency. An emergency is if your child’s school called because the child is sick.

In yiur circumstance, you should have spoken to your boss well in advance and explained that you might need some flexibility for a few days. Also a lot depends on your job duties. Many people work at jobs where they have projects and so it makes little difference whether you are out of the office because you will be able to work on the project and so a boss only cares whether you are meeting deadlines and of course if there are meetings.

However if you are working in a small office where you provide services that are on site, it becomes more difficult for your boss if you are gone for snatches of time without warning and permission. For example, if you answer phones or if you provide administrative help amd stuff needs to be done by a certain time like getting documents sent.
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alwayssmiling




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:04 pm
right. so I did let him know that Ill be gone small snatches of time. and I don't do on site work so much. its a lot about deadlines. Im not a worker who will slack off and often go over time and skip lunch to do work.
I just thought that being that this is a family business and me being the only outsider who often pick up on the others he would be more understanding. like I said before if the simcha would have been in his family no one would have been in for the week. I made an effort to be there full time the day of the wedding and the day after.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:09 pm
You can work at the politics even in a small business.

Make it known every time you stay during lunch or past quitting time. Announce, when you're needing time off, how you're planning on taking far less than what you've given.

It's important to know how to toot your own horn, without sounding conceited or whiny (I'm not implying you would, just that you might be afraid of that, and hence my overly quiet).

Because it doesn't matter what we think a boss ought to do, they're the boss.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:11 pm
Its hard to have people officially at work, but then taking time put at random intervals. If you needed to be available to family, and prioritized that over your job, it might have made more sense to take a half a day off, or a few days if necessary.

It's a matter of boundaries, which are often blurred in the frum communities. When you are at work, you are at work, not sitting at work dealing with your family issues.
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Amarante




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:11 pm
alwayssmiling wrote:
right. so I did let him know that Ill be gone small snatches of time. and I don't do on site work so much. its a lot about deadlines. Im not a worker who will slack off and often go over time and skip lunch to do work.
I just thought that being that this is a family business and me being the only outsider who often pick up on the others he would be more understanding. like I said before if the simcha would have been in his family no one would have been in for the week. I made an effort to be there full time the day of the wedding and the day after.


From what you are describing, your boss was not acting like a mensch.

I have had it both ways in terms of reporting to someone and having people report to me. My bosses were always understanding about this kind of thing because they knew I was going to complete work as necessary so it was just an issue of needing to not physically be in the office for whatever reason.

I also gave the people who reported to me flexibility because I knew I could count on them to be there to get the work done as needed. If you treats people well in terms of not being in their necks about meaningless stuff, you are going to have a better more committed worker. If a person doesn’t appreciate that you are treating them with respect and takes advantage, then I wouldn’t want them but I generally have had the best results by assuming people are not taking advantage and they will go the extra mile if their boss treats them respectfully.
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alwayssmiling




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:11 pm
imasinger wrote:
You can work at the politics even in a small business.

Make it known every time you stay during lunch or past quitting time. Announce, when you're needing time off, how you're planning on taking far less than what you've given.

It's important to know how to toot your own horn, without sounding conceited or whiny (I'm not implying you would, just that you might be afraid of that, and hence my overly quiet).

yeah I am afraid of challenging authority. Id rather let myself get stepped on then demanding my rights
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small bean




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:12 pm
Sometimes it's easier on a boss for you not to come in for half a day than not taking bits and pieces off
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alwayssmiling




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:13 pm
Amarante wrote:
From what you are describing, your boss was not acting like a mensch.

I have had it both ways in terms of reporting to someone and having people report to me. My bosses were always understanding about this kind of thing because they knew I was going to complete work as necessary so it was just an issue of needing to not physically be in the office for whatever reason.

I also gave the people who reported to me flexibility because I knew I could count on them to be there to get the work done as needed. If you treats people well in terms of not being in their necks about meaningless stuff, you are going to have a better more committed worker. If a person doesn’t appreciate that you are treating them with respect and takes advantage, then I wouldn’t want them but I generally have had the best results by assuming people are not taking advantage and they will go the extra mile if their boss treats them respectfully.

thank you! I was starting to think that I'm crazy in hoping for a good understanding employer.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:14 pm
alwayssmiling wrote:
yeah I am afraid of challenging authority. Id rather let myself get stepped on then demanding my rights


Being politic about it means asking nicely for your rights, and saying it in a way that makes them pleased to do it. It's a skill worth learning and mastering.
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chanatron1000




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 3:14 pm
Bosses can be upset about employees taking extra time off, but they should have the same rules for all employees, more or less. If everyone else would be able to take a little time off, you should not be an exception.
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Rosemarie




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 4:53 pm
And this reminds me of the school who took the kids on a full day trip. They afternoon teachers were not required to come, especially if they had a morning job elsewhere that they couldn't miss. But here's the good part: the teachers could not just stay home, or do errands. They had to come in to work for their regular hours! With no students in school to teach, they were told they must come and just find something to do in that time. I found it so so off.
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shyshira




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 4:58 pm
Rosemarie wrote:
And this reminds me of the school who took the kids on a full day trip. They afternoon teachers were not required to come, especially if they had a morning job elsewhere that they couldn't miss. But here's the good part: the teachers could not just stay home, or do errands. They had to come in to work for their regular hours! With no students in school to teach, they were told they must come and just find something to do in that time. I found it so so off.


Makes a lot of sense, teachers have work to do outside of active teaching time.
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alwayssmiling




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 5:12 pm
shyshira wrote:
Makes a lot of sense, teachers have work to do outside of active teaching time.

and why cant they do that work from home?
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shyshira




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 5:17 pm
alwayssmiling wrote:
and why cant they do that work from home?


These are hours they are paid to be in the classroom.
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Rosemarie




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 5:58 pm
shyshira wrote:
These are hours they are paid to be in the classroom.

There's nothing wrong with allowing them the consideration of having an afternoon off once in a blue moon, as long as they get their work done. We anyway always expect them to work in their own time preparing, marking tests... unpaid. So really, why force them to do that prep work in the school building!? They'll do it, don't worry.
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Cherry Blossom




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 02 2021, 6:04 pm
OP, your boss is not treating you well.

If his family who work in the business would have taken off, you should be entitled to that too.

Period.
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