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Mother or Gabai Tzedakah?
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downsyndrome




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 1:48 pm
This might have been discussed already, but I don't have time to peruse all the threads and posts on imamother, so I wouldn't know.
What is the correct approach, from a true chinuch'dig point of view about all the tzedakah collection coming to families' doors on days other than Purim? I am very upset. I am trying to be a mommy to my children and all day (and almost all night) the bell is ringing or there are knocks on the door for tzedakah. The kids are in the bathtub, the little one is on the toilet, there's one undressed on the dressing table, etc. and the door doesn't let up. Where do we put ourselves? Ignore our needy kids and run to give tzedakah, or ignore the needy at the door and take care of our children?
I present this dilemma totally guilt free of being a on-the-telephone mommy, so nobody should come tell me, "aha, you probably speak on the telephone when your kids are around and that is fine, but when it comes to tzedaka you suddenly can't neglect your kids?" I don't talk on the telephone when my kids are home; period, unless it's a one-minute call and it's of utmost importance.
How do we prioritize and why do mosdos encourage tzedaka collection at private homes, knowing full well that it's mostly mothers who are home and trying to run their families?
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HindaRochel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 1:50 pm
Saftey first. And then it all depends on it all depends. What else is happening? How much do the kids need you?
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SingALong




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 3:26 pm
if I am bathing my kids I dont go to the door. I keep the phone with me in the bathroom, I can talk and watch my kids since I dont leave the room. I just dont answer. if I am downstairs and its supper or we're playing, no problem I go open. but I wont compromise safety and bathtime I wont leave the bath room.

one good way I found to give tzeddakh and show my kids the importance is that I send my DD to the door with a few dollars so she is giving tzeddakah, and I am teaching her at the same time.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 3:27 pm
Isn't a woman not supposed to give tzedekah without her hsuband's consent? Let them come when he's home.
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sunshine!




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 3:30 pm
I have no problem coming to the door, if things are under control in the house. What gets me though, is the collectors that come between the hours of 7-10 pm and RING THE BELL! I finally get the kids into bed and begin to clean up and they ring and ring with no letup. On more than one occasion, a child woke up from the noise. Posted signs near my bell that say PLEASE DO NOT RING BELL don't work because most meshulachim around here aren't fluent in English. How do we deal with that????
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 3:33 pm
I do not open the door to meshulachim if my husband isn't home.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 3:35 pm
sunshine! wrote:
Posted signs near my bell that say PLEASE DO NOT RING BELL don't work because most meshulachim around here aren't fluent in English. How do we deal with that????


post signs in different languages.
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SingALong




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 5:52 pm
my DH is hardly ever home when kids are up. if I dont give then the kids wont see us giving tzeddaka. I prearrange with my DH a set amount to give every meshulach no matter what. if a collector is ever not happy, then I say this is what my DH instructed me to give. if you want come back later when he is home.

I posted a sign for awhile not to ring after 730. I wrote it in english and hebrew. it fell off, I gotta write another one.
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newmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 7:09 pm
I don't open the door when my husband isn't home for safety reasons. Then again, I also make the meter reader show me his ID before letting him in.
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raizy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 7:53 pm
I posted it in 4 launguages. but the worst time is erv purum. I was trying to sleep and my baby was sleeping. and I was dead tired and overworked. so I had my dd post a huge sign saying that my baby is sleeping. right over the bell.

any person smart or not would realize that it means no ringing on the bell.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 9:09 pm
msycms wrote:
my DH is hardly ever home when kids are up. if I dont give then the kids wont see us giving tzeddaka.


Kids can also see their parents put money in the pushka (they can too!), and they can see/hear their parents discuss tzedaka distribution.
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GAMZu




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 23 2008, 9:49 pm
In order to answer the door, I have to open the gate on top of the stairs, go downstairs, out into the hallway, and open the main door. It's a big to-do and most of the time it's not for me anyway but for my downstairs neighbor. (doorbells aren't labeled and we have no intercom.)

So we wait for them to ring again. If it's for us, they won't leave after 1 ring.
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downsyndrome




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 24 2008, 6:48 am
[quote="Crayon210"]
msycms wrote:
if I dont give then the kids wont see us giving tzeddaka.



Oh, if I want to give for the sake of showing the kids, I have plenty of opportunities for that too! This is not about making a show of tzedaka; it's about the doorbell ringing incessantly.
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mama-star




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 24 2008, 4:55 pm
downsyndrome, I have this same problem. I could tell you such stories!! it has gotten to the point where they will literally bang on our door if we don't answer right away. I have had people who have made me feel unsafe come to my door. our solution is that I do not answer if my husband is not home. if you are concerned about being mechanech to your kids, give tzedoka with them at another time in a manner more appropriate for your family.

by the way, I have a friend who had a tzedoka collector try and force his way into her home, and he was dressed as a "frum yid." perhaps all the more reason not to open the door unless your husband is around.
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downsyndrome




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 24 2008, 5:47 pm
I am NOT referring to those who have established positions with certain mosdos and come around a coupla' times a year. I am referring to the little boys/bochrim who come home from cheder with raffle books and for lack of anything better to do their mothers tell them, "Go collecting to the neighbors", and the next thing you know I have 50 kids and bochrim knocking at my door incessantly.
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raizy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2008, 6:50 pm
yes it happened to me. so now yrs later I tell my 4 boys to go bother all those houses mothers that let their kids bother me. tit for tat.

I once even got into a royal fight with my cousin over this. her kid came over and rang and rang. again it was before purim and I was dead tired and my 3 babies were sleeping. and he rang so much he woke them all up. then on purim he did it again to give mm. boy we didnt speak for at least 1 yr. bc the men (drat those men) got involved. and I had a big huge sign that said no ringing. I even drew a picture for all those pple that cant read yet.
he the little boy just took off the sign and rang the bell.... chutzpeh!!!!(I am still right in this argument)
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anonymom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2008, 9:41 pm
RAIZY-please! can't you disconnect your doorbell? For $15 or less I got a button that goes outside the door, comes complete with mounting tape, and inside you plug in the ringer, move it from room to room as needed or unplug it completely.Then they can push the button all they want and it won't disturb you. I was so sorry to hear about your babies being woken up. Also, don't forget to unplug the phone next time all the kids are sleeping and you can chap a snooze for yourself, although it's probably not likely to happen too often!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2008, 9:51 pm
My daughter wanted to go collecting today at 6:30 and I reminded her that its supper time and not a good time but on the other hand I do not mind the kids coming to the door. For me its a great way to show/teach the kids about tzedakah. I let the kids run down the steps or if they are not home I ask the kids that come collecting if they can come up.
I guess I am the only one that not only doesnt mind but appreciate that the kids come.
(I even give them a nosh..OK so let the bashing start..)
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2008, 6:59 am
one place I worked had a sign that all collectors could come only a certain time and day.
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Strawberry




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2008, 7:09 am
I dont answer the door unless my husband is home. I dont feel safe otherwise. Also we get so many men coming and half the time I am nursing, bathing or changing the baby. I started putting money in a pushka when people come (and I don't answer). So I am giving tzedakah anyways and this way I dont have to feel unsafe ao pressured while taking care of my baby.
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