Newly Weds Please please respond

amother

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 12:52 pm

Hi,

I AM STRUGGLING FROM MONTH TO MONTH. MY DH and I, bh, have full-time jobs with a steady flow of income coming in. For some odd reason, we still need to borrow from friends at the end of each month. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

My spending, I promise, is so regular. Occasional nail salon, groceries, shabbos (I make suppers and shabbos every week), household maintenance (Excluding Cleaner), and yes, the occasional eating out...... I dunno. Please help.

Please someone help me... I haven't even gone on my first vacation with him because we just don't have that extra money. Is there something people have that I don't? Please help me. Please. I have everything in a DH I could wish for, but this is really stressing me out and making me just wanna give up.

Honestly, we are both people who come from crazy pasts (I'm talking about two real survivors who decided to become VICTORY AND NOT VICTIMS.) and so we came into the marriage with no savings at all.

I dunno if that even makes a difference - coming in with savings..... but whatever. Just putting facts out there.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 20 2021, 12:37 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 12:57 pm

I'm not a newlywed so can't answer your question just here to say savings has nothing to do with this, savings are meant to be saved and if you would use it you wouldn't cover your month when the savings were all used

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 1:03 pm

How much are you making? What is your rent? Other fixed costs? Food budget?
Are you going over by $20? (that means cut back on the occasion nails or coffee or going out or cheaper food for dinner).
Are you going over by a lot and which point you may need either a different job or to move to more affordable housing.

Hard to advise without info.

Elfrida

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 1:04 pm

It sounds like you're relyingbin the money being available rather than budgeting. Without making any significant purchases, the money drizzles away on little extras that you barely notice until the end of the month.

You need to make a specific budget, with fixed expenses, an allowance for emergencies, and a sustainable amount for discretionary spending. You might want to take out that amount of cash. That way you can see how it disappears, and when it is gone it is gone, and no more little treats until next month.

headabovewater

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 1:05 pm

That sounds challenging. I would suggest using a program like quicken where you chart EVERY expense for a month or two (regardless of how small). It let's you categorize expenses. You may not realize that something small may be adding up (ie getting a latte a number of times a month). When you really analyze where your money is going you should hopefully be able to adjustments.

ineedalamborghi

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 1:07 pm

The only way to really know what's going on is to track your expenses. Start with the list of steady expenses - rent/mortgage, car payments, gas, utilities, health insurance, car insurance, renters/home insurance and see how much is left when you subtract that from your total income (post tax). What's left is what you can spend per month.
Then go through your credit card statements and see what expenses you can cut to keep it under that number - it's all about priorities, maybe you can skip the manicure if you're going out to eat that week...
These are just ideas - if you're comfortable posting more details I can try to help!

I'm also a big fan of Dave Ramsey's program, you can check out his website - he has some great tips there!

lamplighter

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 1:07 pm

I'm not newlywed so skip this post if you want.

My advice is to write down every time you spend money. How much and for what. Do this for 3 months and looks for patterns so you can budget better.

tichellady

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 1:09 pm

You need to live within your means. First figure out how much money you have to spend every month and then figure out expenses. No nails or eating out until you can cover your expenses

amother

Cadetblue

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 1:37 pm

I'm not a newly wed. But tbh I would ask advice of people who have way more experience.
We are finally getting a handle on our finances. I wish I made changes early on. Once you have a family its so much harder.
We have quicken. We sit together once a week and put in everything we spent from our checking the prior week. We adjust ehen we will make certain purchases based on how the numbers look. Ex haircut, new shoes.

We also put in 1 to 2 months of fixed expenses and projected expenses. We will put for example September next week.

We have a small amount of cash we take out each wk that is up to us how we want to spend it. So if I want a massage, I will save up, or I might use it on a manicure etc...

Getting control of your finances now is a huge blessing. Kudos to you for reaching out!!

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 1:53 pm

I’m a newlywed, my husband is working an entry level job and I am in grad school/completing an internship and working very part time. We live pretty well and I don’t feel like we are scrimping at all. We are saving significantly on rent because we are in a tiny apartment and paying under 1500/month. Other than that, (or maybe because of that Smile

) we are managing to meet all our expenses with a lot of breathing room. I go for weekly manicures, buy myself clothing etc. We also already own a car so no monthly payments on that aside from insurance. What are your major expenses?

Edited to add: We have not gone on vacation because we consider that a big expense. We have done small getaways where we drive to a nice town and stay overnight and go bike riding or sightseeing. I don't see us flying to a vacation destination until I start working which will hopefully be soon, as I am almost finished school. Even then, it will likely only be to Miami, as we have somewhere to stay there and can keep costs low. I don't see us taking a big vacation until we are both much more ahead in our jobs and salaries and even then, I think I would rather save the money!

amother

Apricot

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 2:58 pm

What everyone said it’s as simple as:

Get the Dave Ramsey book biggest blessing ever Download the every dollar app amd get used to tracking your expenses.

Even more importantly don’t look at other young couples! Standards are insane I can only assume that so many couples are either getting major handouts or going into Cc debt. Keep your head down and focus on your own finances! The sooner you learn to do this the better off you’ll be

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 3:02 pm

I’m not a newlywed, married about 6 years now. It was very hard (and still is sometimes) to stick to a budget but that’s the only way, especially if you want to start saving

DH and I sat down and listed all our necessary expenses, like rent and car costs and food etc. Then we compared that to what we earn to see where we could be more lenient or where we need to be more frugal. We also try to put money into savings each month

Sometimes we go through periods where we can afford to spend on more unnecessary things, and sometimes we have to be really careful with everything. Right now we have a big upcoming expense that will put us on a really tight budget for a while. No extras at the grocery stores, free activities or date nights to save money, etc

My first suggestion is cutting out nail salons and restaurants. These are unnecessary expenses that you cannot afford right now. It’s not forever, just until you can figure out your finances and get a good system going. Try to sit down together and go over everything to see what you can afford and what you can’t right now

#ibelieve

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 7:30 pm

I agree with what everyone wrote but why is no one commenting on the fact that op says they borrow money? I think that’s the biggest problem. Your expenses is likely to grow (baby...) I suggest trying very hard to stop borrowing. The cycle of debt is hard.
Loads of luck!!! Know that you’re not the only one many couples go through this. I would suggest speaking to a financial advisor (and also davening for good parnosa..)

amother

Ebony

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 8:09 pm

As others have said, without more details like income and fixed expenses, no one can really help you.
Making supper and shabbos does not necessarily mean your spending wisely. A home made supper can be expensive. Are you making meat every night, as opposed to chicken? Are you making meat for shabbos? Extravagant side dishes?
Serving on paper/plastic or real dishes?
Breakfast and lunch during the week - what are you and dh having?
Buying unnecessary groceries?
Even a $2 chocolate bar every shopping trip adds up.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Jun 06 2021, 8:16 pm

following!!
and dh just lost his job so we have to rearrange our whole budget!

also a newlywed!

what are your expenses OP?
do u have a baby yet?

I just had one bh and things add up like toys, diapers, wipes, creams, burp cloths etc.

But there are tricks to save a few dollars here and there lemme kno if u wanna hear!

also WIC u get stuff.

are u in NY?