Real diamond vs lab grown re: for kallah

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 9:36 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

can anyone explain the difference, I keep seeing lab grown diamonds advertised and trying to understand what it is.

It looks the same and "performs" the same and is chemically the same but was made in a lab instead of naturally in the Earth, and for some reason some people think that makes it inferior. It is somewhat cheaper.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 9:39 am

watergirl wrote:

Of course she can do it to save money.

This is part of the issue - what my neighbor can spend has nothing to do with what I can spend. Why should there be a "normal amount to spend in your circles"? Where I live thats not a thing BH; kallahs get what they get. But your post seems to contradict itself at the end. She got the biggest in HER budget. Or, did her budget = community budget?

People budget x toward the diamond, x to the setting, x to the candlesticks, x to the bracelet. The shop shows them options based on the stated budget.

watergirl

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 9:46 am

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

People budget x toward the diamond, x to the setting, x to the candlesticks, x to the bracelet. The shop shows them options based on the stated budget.

I know. But you stated OP should find out what people budget for the diamond in her circles. What other people do and what OP can spend are two different things.

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

And if the kallah is upset that her mil is keeping within her budget by cutting back on the ring?

If the Kallah is upset that her in-laws know what they can afford and have to stick to it, I worry about the maturity of this young women. I would sincerely hope the kallah does not want her in-laws to spend more than they can afford. If she is upset, she can be upset, she can add her own money or her parents money to upgrade to a bigger stone. But that would be a downgrade in sentiment. It's not that the parents are "cutting back" on the ring. I would presume, based on OP's post, that everything they do has to be within their budget and thats how it should be. No kallah or anyone else for that matter has the right to use her emotions as a threat or blackmail to force someone to spend more than they have.

amother

Watermelon

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 9:55 am

The only difference between a a lab-grown diamond and a natural diamond is their origin.
I think people are confusing it with a cz diamond.
A lab grown diamond is grown using cutting-edge technology that replicates the natural diamond growing process. They have the same physical properties as a real diamond. A cz diamond does not. The reason is it cheap is because it has no resale value.
Many of the rich people you see walking around town with huge diamond necklaces are wearing lab grown diamonds. These necklaces will cost $2k instead of $5k...
It is definitely something to look into but just mention it to your kallah.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:04 am

I am in my mid thirties now and when I got married my in laws skimped on a lot of things. Whenever they kvetch about money it always comes down to the fact that they are supporting the girls. They have two daughters who they promised to support for 7 years. One is finished already and one is still in the seven years. They do not give a dime to their sons (or at least my husband). Yes I am annoyed that they were cheap with things when we got married but mainly because they treat their sons and daughters so differently. They had to get me the cheapest candlesticks on the planet yet somehow find close to 100k to give to their girls. Vent over Smile

amother

Brunette

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:32 am

My DD is 20 and while she is not looking to get married at this time (wants to finish college first) she claims she wouwant a lab diamond as opposed to an earth diamond as she feels it is more environmentally and ethical sound. She may or may not change her mind when the time comes.

I will echo what everyone else says. Give her the choice. Show her the difference in size and see what she wants. Do not try to dupe her or decide which is better. She may want bigger or she may want “real”.

mizle10

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:37 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

They’re seen as inferior because of the basically zero resale value.

amother

Lemon

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:37 am

I get the feeling that mine is lab grown because my in laws literally don't have money and it's too nice.

Either that or my husband begged his siblings to chip in, or he dug deep into his (minimal) savings...

I wouldn't have cared but I wish someone would tell me

mizle10

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:38 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you

My son knows about it.
My question is I did hear that you need to be careful about it getting near heat. Is that a problem?

I never heard heat is an issue, but I heard harsh cleaning supplies can damage a lab diamond (ie bleach). I don’t know if that’s true or not though.

amother

DarkOrange

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:41 am

mizle10 wrote:

They’re seen as inferior because of the basically zero resale value.

There's something depressing about shopping for an engagement ring while planning to sell it. If all goes well, she'll wear it to 120.

I say show her what you can get in a natural vs lab grown and let her choose.

mizle10

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:44 am

amother [ DarkOrange ] wrote:

I wasn’t saying she should plan to sell her engagement ring, I was explaining why they’re seen as inferior.

That being said, many people do upgrade their diamond later down the road.

Chayalle

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:00 am

I think trying to stay in your budget is great, as long as you don't push the other side on their budget.

OP mentions she is in yeshivish circles. If the girl's family is being pushed to support beyond their comfort zone, then I think if OP does not stretch her own comfort zone with regard to the type of diamond, there can be resentment in the long run.

But if both sides are in agreement to try and keep things simple and more affordable, then that is a great lesson in life and why not go for something within their means.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:07 pm

mizle10 wrote:

They’re seen as inferior because of the basically zero resale value.

All diamonds lose value. Engagement rings are not supposed to have resale value. They are meant to belong to the same person forever.

mizle10

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:11 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

All diamonds lose value. Engagement rings are not supposed to have resale value. They are meant to belong to the same person forever.

Diamonds actually retain a good chunk of their value. And again, I wasn’t saying she should expect her DIL to trade in her ring, I was explaining the main problem with lab diamonds. As of now there isn’t a market for resale.

mizle10

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:13 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

Actually, I just Googled it, and the zero resale value thing isn't completely true. At least not to the extent that mined diamond dealers say it is.

It’s a gamble. If it’s that easy to produce lab diamonds that they became more and more accessible why would anyone buy used over new?
We know mined diamonds are scarce and thats not changing. the value is built in.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:15 pm

The distinction between lab grown and mined diamonds doesn't matter to everyone, so the value of mined diamonds also falls when lab grown diamonds are made. Also, the lab process is expensive.

mizle10

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 12:18 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

The distinction between lab grown and mined diamonds doesn't matter to everyone, so the value of mined diamonds also falls when lab grown diamonds are made. Also, the lab process is expensive.

Well yes, the price of diamonds in general may go down, but that would mean the resale value of a mined diamond may go down, not that it will be nil.