Real diamond vs lab grown re: for kallah

amother

Cyclamen

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 8:17 pm

amother [ Tuberose ] wrote:

Why not? The wedding expenses are outrageous today, and if someone feels she can save a couple of hundreds of dollars by buying something that looks equally as nice, why shouldn't she go for it?

I think its wrong for 18-22 year old kallahs to have the expectations of receiving jewelry in the tens of thousands of dollars without contributing to their own wedding expenses (and even more so, if they're expecting support).

this! I think its outrageous how entitled kallahs are and its getting worse with more and more things that are expected....

op, I think you can show the kallah a few within your budget and she can decide the style (not the budget) ...and if you decide to go with a lab grown diamond, you will have to tell the kallah, but some kallahs will be dissapointed and would rather have a "real" diamond(but in my opinion, too bad, let kallahs appreciate all the money parents are paying for the wedding alone in addition some parents also help pay for setting up the apt...etc...)

so, op, if you feel comfortable telling the kallah and sticking to your budget and trying to save money where you can, then great, the "circles" shouldnt decide your budget...

mazel tov!

amother

Lightcoral

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 8:47 pm

Lab grown diamonds are not like CZ which are plastic or like lab modified where they put in fillers . They are just as real just created under artificial means in a lab. Exact same ingredients (carbon) and even a jeweler can’t tell them apart with a loop unless they analyze it in a lab where they can tell based on the presence of other natural particles found.

Therefore all those saying things about not putting it near heat is all baloney

amother

Natural

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 9:03 pm

amother [ Tuberose ] wrote:

They're not so rare anymore. Years back it was difficult to mine them. Nowadays, its much easier. But the diamond dealers hoard the extra diamonds to keep the prices inflated.

This. The big ones in the diamond industry have an amazing marketing scheme to keep the prices of diamonds exorbitant. They will only allow a certain amount into circulation. So it's all in the novelty of the rarity, when in reality it's not really rare, just a monopoly that we're all buying into.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 9:07 pm

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

There is a lot of deliberate misinformation on lab diamonds spread by the diamond mines.

amother

Midnight

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 9:13 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

That’s true, and thanks for womansplaining me, because it gives me all the feels.

This is a different scenario. Op went to look at diamonds with a particular budget in mind. Then she saw the lab grown diamonds and is asking if she can save money in that way. I don’t think it’s fair to reduce the budget.

No, she didn't ask if she can save money and REDUCE the budget. She just asked if she can give a lab grown instead. To is it looks like she was told this is what $xxxx will take you for a mined diamond and this is what you'll get for the same amount of money for a lab grown diamond.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:13 pm

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

She actually didn’t specify either way which is why I said what I said, but ok

mizle10

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:15 pm

pause wrote:

Those who insist that mined diamonds on the only real diamonds, do you also say that only wild caught fish is real fish and farmed fish is fake? Or that only free range chickens/eggs are real and not the factory produced ones? I'm wondering if the realness vs fakeness is consistent across the board...

For me personally:
My purpose in eating a piece of fish is to enjoy the taste/nutrients. If I can get that same experience in farmed fish then to me it’s the same.

My purpose in wearing diamonds, is the way it makes me feel. I love wearing nice things. I love jewelry. I love my DH spending money on me. I’m being very honest about myself here. I personally won’t get that same feeling if I feel I “cheaped out” and bought the second best option. So for me personally, a lab diamond isn’t accomplishing what I expect a diamond to do for me.

If someone else doesn’t care, I totally understand. But for me, I’m not getting the same experience and that’s the exact reason why I’m buying a piece of jewellery in the first place.

amother

Ghostwhite

Thu, Jun 10 2021, 11:22 pm

mizle10 wrote:

So it’s the amount of money spent regardless of how it looks or the thought behind it?

amother

Lawngreen

Fri, Jun 11 2021, 12:31 am

My in-laws are poor.
They bought me a diamond ring.
No clue if lab grown or not. Small diamond.
Whenever I asked how much it cost, my dh evaded the question or said he didn't know, etc.

A decade later, the diamond fell out of the setting. When we went to the jeweler to put it back in, we asked how much it was worth. He said $1,000. (Is that lab grown price 10-15 years ago???)

I'm a pretty poshut person.
I would be happy with a fake diamond as long as it looked real.

Why would a kallah need to know if it was lab grown?

gande

Fri, Jun 11 2021, 12:41 am

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

lab grown is relatively new. It was not around 10 years ago. Not all kalahs are so poshut. They need to feel like they didn't get worse then everyone else.

amother

Tuberose

Fri, Jun 11 2021, 1:32 am

gande wrote:

lab grown is relatively new. It was not around 10 years ago. Not all kalahs are so poshut. They need to feel like they didn't get worse then everyone else.

This mindset of kallahs needs to be changed. Getting married doesn't mean that everyone around you owes you everything - the most beautiful jewelry, an expensive wardrobe, your dream furniture, and an apartment decked out to the tee. Your parents don't owe you anything, especially not to the extent where they're bankrupting themselves. The same goes for your in-laws, they don't owe you anything either. And what do you want from the Chosson? Your main priority was a yeshiva boy, so at this moment in time he doesn't have a cent to give you anything you believed you're owed.

If the happiness in your engagement and newlywed stage is so much dependent on all this stuff, then either work for a bit before marriage and put some money away, or look for a working boy. The engagement and first few years is a time where you set up your future. Instead of chasing after all these entitlements and causing undue stress to your poor parents, why don't you utilize these years to figure out what you want and how to go about getting it. If it's all these externals you're after, then it should be on you and your chosson and not the poor parents.

Parents want to give, and they'll give whatever they can. So accept what you get with love and appreciation, whether its a $500, $2K or $5K ring. The parents purchased it out love and happiness for you. Appreciate it all for what it signifies and not for the cost or your opinion of it. And if you want something more, your future husband has a whole life ahead with you to figure out how and when to get it for you.

The focus of the engagement process needs to be redirected. The jewelry and all the rest are mere sidebars to it. The focus should be on the essence, how to go about building an everlasting relationship and an ehrliche yiddishe home.

amother

Yarrow

Fri, Jun 11 2021, 2:42 am

camp123 wrote:

There is a huge flaw in our chinuch system if a kallah would care. They look the same, no one can tell. Honestly, I'd run a mile away from a kallah that was bothered by that.

I mean I wanted a real diamond. I didn't care about anything else, I wasn't given any other jewelry or anything. We bought everything ourselves and DH paid for the ring.

DrMom

Fri, Jun 11 2021, 3:07 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

I know that chemically they’re the same. But what makes a diamond special is that It’s a rare and natural element. Once you make it in a factory the chashivus goes out the window.
So yes It’s technically the same thing, but it’s a whole different ballpark in my opinion.

Actually, it's just carbon, one of the most common elements on Earth.

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

CZ is not plastic (!). It's ZrO2 in a cubic crystal form. Many minerals and crystals can crack if exposed to rapid changes in temperature. Emeralds are quite prone to cracking, and you have to be careful with amethysts too. They are not plastic.

amother

Snapdragon

Fri, Jun 11 2021, 8:10 am

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

Lab grown diamonds are more ethical.

Real diamonds comes with the background of slave labor of the diamond industry.

This. I would not buy a real diamond today with the awareness I have (I do own from many yrs back).
Then again, I never understood the point of spending those kinds of sums on jewelry. I would much rather a trip or a new piece of furniture.
In any case, I won't be in a position to decide for my dils. In my circles, men are working and buy the kallah the ring on their own.

I did happen to discuss this with one of my young adult dds and she said she would only want a real ring, as it's a once in a lifetime thing. But maybe attitudes will change as it becomes more prevalent.