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If you're a SAHM how much help do you expect from Dh?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:24 pm
If you are home all day and your husband is the sole breadwinner, how much help do you feel is fair to expect with regards to childcare and helping around the house?

Do you get cleaning help as well?
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amother




Sage
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:27 pm
It’s hard.

I’m now working cuz I honestly couldn’t manage without help when I was home. So I work and pay for help….
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amother




Violet
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:38 pm
Yes I have cleaning help. Don’t expect much from DH other than cleaning up after himself and helping in urgent situations.
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amother




Peachpuff
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:41 pm
Oh I wish I had cleaning help. DH works a lot, from home, and does little except hang out with the toddler when it's less busy. He's therefore had to lower his standards for a clean house. I didn't have high standards to begin with. Still, help might make us both happier.

Given that women who are out from 9-5 are still expected to cook dinner and take care of kids and other household chores, I think it is fair to expect some of this to be done by a man in a similar situation.
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amother




Mayflower
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:50 pm
I’ve never asked my husband for a lot of help... but lately I feel like I need it
And I am demanding a lot more
Yes BH I have a lot of cleaning help ... but I recently had a baby... and the evenings are very hectic and I absolutely need another pair of hands
Not for cleaning, but more for HW/ holding baby/ listening to kids / driving kids to tutoring/ chavrusa & bedtime
On days he comes home late I am loosing it ... and when he is home earlier and helps out it goes a lot smoother
I am only one person, and I don’t feel guilty asking him for help
Yes he makes $, but these are his kids too
BH I have a great husband who does understand what I need, yet due to nature of his work isn’t able to always be available
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Tovahs




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 5:43 pm
My husband works, and only gets home quite late (I have 3 small kids, so late is about 6.30/6.45) In general I don't expect much from my husband. Although he is quite involved with bedtimes and sometimes bathing the kids. But if he has had a busy day, or would get a work related phone call, it would fall on me. He does not contribute to household at all, but I do have a bit of cleaning help. Fortunately his job is quite flexible, so if I would need more help in the mornings or something like that he'll be able to help me.
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amother




Mayflower
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 5:54 pm
Tovahs wrote:
My husband works, and only gets home quite late (I have 3 small kids, so late is about 6.30/6.45) In general I don't expect much from my husband. Although he is quite involved with bedtimes and sometimes bathing the kids. But if he has had a busy day, or would get a work related phone call, it would fall on me. He does not contribute to household at all, but I do have a bit of cleaning help. Fortunately his job is quite flexible, so if I would need more help in the mornings or something like that he'll be able to help me.



Wow, 630/645 is a dream ! But I could see how it can be on the later side with little kids.
I wish my husband came @those hours... but it’s not to be
But Bh for the life that I do have
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amother




Cyan
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 6:28 pm
Zero
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amother




Phlox
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 6:32 pm
I struggle with this a lot because DH hardly helps, he comes home late (8ish) and is exhausted. But I really can use his help and always resent the fact that I don’t get it.
Being a mom is a 24/7 job
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 6:44 pm
There is a difference between being a stay at home mom with kids home all day and a stay at home mom with some childcare. There is also a difference between 1 kid at home or 5. No across the board answer
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amother




Chocolate
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 6:46 pm
Zero help from him
Cleaning lady once a week
He works from home and doesn’t clean up after himself either
It is what it is...
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 8:24 pm
I have a large family bh. I'm very grateful for my husbands hard work that allows me to be a sahm but I'm home all day with a toddler and 8 months pregnant. I get cleaning help a few days a week and I insist on it. My husbands job has an erratic schedule so I can't count on him for anything. I do all the errands, appointments, homework, getting kids out to school, laundry, housework, cooking, carpools.... I wish he would be able to help me out sometimes but it is what it is:) I'm happy if he puts his supper plate in the dishwasher:)
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amother




Molasses
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 8:49 pm
No help from him but I do have full-time cleaning help.
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