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S/O why not save on other wedding expenses too?
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amother




Brass
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 3:15 pm
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
Many chassidish girls do pay towards their weddings but many if not most boys, chassidish and yeshivish, are in yeshiva when they get married.


So this needs to be figured out. The current setup makes no sense. Get married without figuring out finances, then take the next couple of years to find your footing. By that time, you have multiple kids with all kinds of expenses. By the time you find some solid ground (if you're lucky to do so), you have to start marrying off kids, and come up with approximately 50K every other year or so.

It makes no sense in any way you spin that. Wouldn't it make so much more sense to encourage the young couple to financially independent from the very start. Earn some money, figure out the finances, then get married and be on solid ground from the start. This way they can actually build and look forward to a very good comfortable future, without having these monumental wedding expenses times X amount of children be a looming dread.
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amother




Daffodil
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 3:33 pm
Also, gifts are varied. Personally, the idea of wearing something worth thousands of dollars on my finger every day or even every Shabbos is horrifying. I would prefer lab grown. It's a lot of money sunk into one object that you wear for beauty and have to remember to turn around on your finger in certain neighborhoods. For some people, it's very important. For others, it's less so. Likewise,my dh didn't want us to spend a ton of money on a silver menorah, even though it was hiddur mitzvah and I consider that more important than my ring.

I know a lot of people who are happy to go basic on everything but will spend on the band because the dancing experience is so important to them. Or spent money on flying in a Rosh Yeshiva to be mesader kedushin. I know parents who really prioritize feeding their guests well, for various reasons that do not involve their image. I think everyone has to work with their priorities.
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amother




Blue
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 4:33 pm
I love this thread because I agree that why spend so much its just one night, and the gifts etc kallas/chasanim/ mechutans etc just keep expecting more and more items....

but, the real issue is if the 2 sides dont see eye to eye and one side wants to make a more expensive wedding and split the cost

also, to the poster who said that the organizations give ppl lower cost to set up apt even to those who dont need tzedaka(but do need to save$) can you post which organization does this and a number to call for this?

Eta: I didnt want to have a vort bec its an extra expense that in my opinion was not necessary but my inlaws wanted and my parents had to pay for it! ......I paid for my own shietels, and had a simple wedding in takana hall with fake flowers etc..
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amother




Begonia
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 4:50 pm
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
It's $10,000 for the hall/wedding night. This doesn't include the gowns, hair, makeup, and all expenses leading up to the wedding.


I passed on the flower centerpieces. Tables are crowded enough without them. Did my own hair and makeup, as did everyone else. Made my own white satin loot bag. Borrowed a gown and veil from friends. Held the wedding midday so everyone but me wore dressy street-length dresses they could wear again. I wore white shoes I already had. Spent wedding night at an inn in a state park, not a fancy downtown hotel. There are lots of ways you can cut costs if you don't have the mindset that you have to do what "everyone else" does.
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amother




DarkKhaki
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 4:59 pm
About having 150-200 guests-that's basically my extended family. So...
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 5:06 pm
amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:
It's a lot of money sunk into one object that you wear for beauty .


WADR, I don't think people wear diamonds for beauty; they wear them because "everyone else" does and it's "expected," and because diamonds are a very costly gem. De Beers has a lot to answer for. If the ring were solely for beauty, as opposed to for status, many more women would either choose something entirely different or be willing to wear good fakes. The late Princess Diana chose a sapphire. If I had been given a choice, I might have gone with a sapphire, too, because I used to wear a lot of blue.
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amother




Winterberry
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 5:07 pm
Bais faiga is $11000 nowadays.
Includes only the basics. No video/no alcohol...
If you want it there you have to book a minimum of 4 months before.
At 10.30 tables are all cleaned up, at 11 music stops!
It's nice rock bottom price but you get what you pay for.
Afaik there's no Jewish hall that offers a cheaper wedding than that.
I hope I'll get a date in bais faiga when my dd gets married! Not sure why we pay so much on one night!
OP, most people that don't have money do try to save on other expenses according to their ability.
(For ex: Some ladies can cook a meal for 200 hundred guests but it makes more sense to hire a caterer because the savings are not worth the huge job of doing it oneself!!!
Some ladies will do their own make up to save money but some are just not good at applying make up...)
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amother




Tomato
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 5:16 pm
The last 2 weddings I went to recently in Boro park had meat AND chicken on every plate, large band, 2 singers, large shmorg, very large dessert tables, more than 1 photographer and videographer
Every evening bag on the side was prada, louis vitton, chanel gucci etc etc

It depends what circles youre from. Theres either takana type or very high end in boro park. There not so much middle of the road anymore.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 5:42 pm
amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:
Bais faiga is $11000 nowadays.
Includes only the basics. No video/no alcohol...
If you want it there you have to book a minimum of 4 months before.
At 10.30 tables are all cleaned up, at 11 music stops!
It's nice rock bottom price but you get what you pay for.
Afaik there's no Jewish hall that offers a cheaper wedding than that.
I hope I'll get a date in bais faiga when my dd gets married! Not sure why we pay so much on one night!
OP, most people that don't have money do try to save on other expenses according to their ability.
(For ex: Some ladies can cook a meal for 200 hundred guests but it makes more sense to hire a caterer because the savings are not worth the huge job of doing it oneself!!!
Some ladies will do their own make up to save money but some are just not good at applying make up...)


We were very happy with our Bais Faiga wedding.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 6:08 pm
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
It's $10,000 for the hall/wedding night. This doesn't include the gowns, hair, makeup, and all expenses leading up to the wedding.
that's very cheap. What's included besides hall and catering and how any guests? I don't think they allow NYers to get married there.
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amother




Slategray
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 6:09 pm
amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:
Bais faiga is $11000 nowadays.
Includes only the basics. No video/no alcohol...
If you want it there you have to book a minimum of 4 months before.
At 10.30 tables are all cleaned up, at 11 music stops!
It's nice rock bottom price but you get what you pay for.
Afaik there's no Jewish hall that offers a cheaper wedding than that.
I hope I'll get a date in bais faiga when my dd gets married! Not sure why we pay so much on one night!
OP, most people that don't have money do try to save on other expenses according to their ability.
(For ex: Some ladies can cook a meal for 200 hundred guests but it makes more sense to hire a caterer because the savings are not worth the huge job of doing it oneself!!!
Some ladies will do their own make up to save money but some are just not good at applying make up...)


Last contract I got from them included 5 hrs semi-edited video. If someone wanted more editing they can pay for it. Honestly, how many times do you watch your video…

Ppl rarely do bars anymore except fancy weddings. Ppl just being own alcohol from home on head table.

Personally I love bais faiga weddings. Runs on time. You know what they are up to when you arrive. They end a normal time.
Plus you never end up paying overtime on other halls were the weddings can go later.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 6:10 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The post about a lab grown diamond made me question why people don't try to save in other ways too. Why not save money on the rest of the wedding instead of or in addition to gifts. Make a wedding for 150- 200 people in a small hall that doesn't have minimums. I know some people have big families but for those who don't. Spend less on flowers or get fake ones. Have a small band. Less food meal options or simple smorg. Spend less on dresses, hair, makeup for little kids. Wouldn't you rather have saved money on the wedding and gotten a nice gift?


Well I'm the one who wrote that I knew as a Kallah that I had a budget and didn't expect anyone to go over that for me.
I got married in Ateres charna, I don't know the amount of ppl but the hall was "cut In half" to half the size of the hall.. I didn't get really flowers, although my bouquet was real. I had a one man band. I don't even know if I HAD a shmorg. I still dodnt expect to get a whole lot of expensive Jewelry..
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amother




Slategray
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 6:11 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
that's very cheap. What's included besides hall and catering and how any guests? I don't think they allow NYers to get married there.


Ppl make from Detroit, Cleveland, Chicago, NY, Toronto.

It’s hard to impossible to get dates. But many other halls are priced very similarly.

Includes:
Fake flowers
Real bouquet
One man band
Food for 300
Basic shmorg
7 hour photographer
5 hours video
Full chuppa setup
Hall
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 6:12 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
Just priced it out - between $20K and $30K in my circles. It's a lot, but not $50k.
does this include all gifts, all gowns, makeup, hair, sheva brachos outfits, lchaim, vort, music clothing music photography for vort, aufruf, shabbos Kallah, etc?
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 6:19 pm
amother [ Slategray ] wrote:
Last contract I got from them included 5 hrs semi-edited video. If someone wanted more editing they can pay for it. Honestly, how many times do you watch your video…


As a kid we used to watch my parents wedding video over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
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amother




DarkKhaki
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 6:56 pm
amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:
Bais faiga is $11000 nowadays.
Includes only the basics. No video/no alcohol...
If you want it there you have to book a minimum of 4 months before.
At 10.30 tables are all cleaned up, at 11 music stops!
It's nice rock bottom price but you get what you pay for.
Afaik there's no Jewish hall that offers a cheaper wedding than that.
I hope I'll get a date in bais faiga when my dd gets married! Not sure why we pay so much on one night!
OP, most people that don't have money do try to save on other expenses according to their ability.
(For ex: Some ladies can cook a meal for 200 hundred guests but it makes more sense to hire a caterer because the savings are not worth the huge job of doing it oneself!!!
Some ladies will do their own make up to save money but some are just not good at applying make up...)

Wrong and wrong. I got a beautiful wedding video from our takanah photographer (on the list) and reserved the hall when I got engaged, 3 months before the wedding.
Besides, the 12k is split 8k for the kallah's side and 4k for the chassan's side. It's not 12k for one side.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 6:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
does this include all gifts, all gowns, makeup, hair, sheva brachos outfits, lchaim, vort, music clothing music photography for vort, aufruf, shabbos Kallah, etc?

Yes.

I actually wrote down every cent I spent, literally every cent. I had a boy and we splurged on a few things so it was a little over $20k altogether. My friends tell me that their daughter's weddings (everything you listed included) was closer to $30K. Which is a lot of money for us (considering the average family size in my circles is about 8-10) but still, not $50k.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 7:07 pm
amother [ DarkKhaki ] wrote:
Wrong and wrong. I got a beautiful wedding video from our takanah photographer (on the list) and reserved the hall when I got engaged, 3 months before the wedding.
Besides, the 12k is split 8k for the kallah's side and 4k for the chassan's side. It's not 12k for one side.
The hall decides the kallah's side pays more? Surprised
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amother




Slategray
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 7:16 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The hall decides the kallah's side pays more? Surprised


It’s a pkg. there is no flop. Historically girls always paid a much larger percentage of the bill. Bec of the way packages are split Kallah families do better and prefer over flop.
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amother




Blue
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 7:19 pm
most takana halls in brooklyn/lakewood etc are booked up quickly which I think is a testament to how many ppl really do want to make cheaper takana weddings, but not everyone has a 3 months window to book a wedding and might not have a takana cheaper hall available....


I also agree with the diamond ring being about status and not about beauty... many kallahs ooh and ahh all over their rings and show it to friends/relatives...its so silly that parents should have to spend so much on a ring...there should be "takana" diamond rings or if girls expect a more expensive one, let them buy it with their own hard-earned money...
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