Daughter never in newsletter/shabbos ima

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 9:08 pm

I don't know if I need advice or just want to vent, but I am so upset. Basically my daughter has been in this preschool class all year and it seems like the teacher either forgets about her or is just bad with including her and us with information. Every week I would read the newsletter and read about the activities they had that week and sometimes it was a dress up day or something I didn't know about. I assumed maybe it was mentioned in a previous newsletter but I didn't see. Then I saw there was a pajama day and I definitely had no idea about it. When I asked the morah how parents know about these special days, she realized I was never added to the parent whatsapp group. So at this point, it was the middle of the year and that's how she communicated with parents and sent cute pictures and she didn't even apologize. Fine, at least now I know what's going on. Then as weeks went on we realized my daughter was never featured in any of the pictures. It got to the point where my husband and I would joke about it because she was never in pictures. We mentioned it to the teacher just to make sure she was being included (she's quiet in school) and that she's involved in the activities and the morah said she is and we saw some pictures of her after that. We bh had a baby, and again no mention of it in the newsletter saying mazal tov to her being a big sister. I just thought maybe they don't include that stuff but then a week or so later, a big mazal tov to another classmate on becoming a big brother! Then her birthday came, and again no mention of it in the newsletter even though every time a kid had a birthday it was put in the newsletter. The kicker of all of this is sporadically the newsletter would mention the shabbos aba and ima. It wasn't every week so I thought maybe it wasn't an official thing. I also thought, at this point in the year, my daughter definitely would have been shabbos ima already so I can't imagine they've been doing this all year. Well we just got another newsletter where they mentioned the shabbos ima and abba and it's the last week of the school year! My daughter was never shabbos ima! I have no idea why this has been happening. School is basically over though but she will be continuing with camp since it's a daycare. How do I bring this all up to the teacher if I do? It's just so strange and we don't know why.
Sorry about this super long and probably petty and unnecessary rant. Just a sad mom. At least she's too young to know any better.

amother

IndianRed

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 9:11 pm

That is so sad! I’m sorry!!! I glad your saying she’s so little. I had this with my teacher in 2nd grade and still remember to this day. My only year of all my schooling that was the most torturous yr!

This morah is strange. Why is she looking to specifically leave you and dd out?!

amother

Seashell

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 9:12 pm

I would ask the teacher and the director. So not ok.
hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Oak

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 9:17 pm

This is not ok. Please communicate your feeling openly to the morah and whomever is in the admin.

pinkpeonies

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 9:18 pm

I actually feel similarly but not to that extent. My kids schools always take turns for shabbos mommy and tatty, but I also feel like my son is not always in pictures and everything, even though I know for a fact that he is among the best behaved children there!
I would speak up to the teacher, from what you wrote, that doesnt sound okay at all!

amother

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 9:58 pm

The teacher's out now and is being covered by a sub. I feel weird telling the sub al of this because I'll kind of be telling on the teacher but I think I'm going to do it at least so my daughter can be shabbos ima in the summer!

avrahamama

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 10:10 pm

Ask for the shabbat imma rotation list, if they dont have one this might help them realize it's a good idea. Our school makes a list and posts it the first week of school.
Is there a calendar of the special days? Or is it just announced randomly on the chat? (You got added to the chat right?)
As far as pictures is it possible she's camera shy? The pictures one is trickier ... Maybe make a point to comment and show you appreciate all the pics of all the kids?

4sure

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 10:44 pm

Doesn’t smell right, especially after mentioning to the teacher. She should’ve been at least one shabbos ima and shabbos Abba. Missing her birthday is also a big deal, new baby. Doesn’t sound right.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 10:52 pm

I would say something. Blame it on your daughter being sad that she never got turn to be shabbos ima or to see herself in the newsletter or to see her simcha announcements and can they make sure that over the summer she gets a turn to be ima and some pictures in the newsletter.

I've had this, in my case it was the teacher not liking me/ my daughter couldn't figure out which one of us she didn't like or why but we were both treated badly.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 10:54 pm

Op this is not petty at all.
How old is the child? I hope he/she doesn't realize they were never Shabbos Abba/Ima.
This is not OK and the teacher should be made aware of it so she doesn't do this to other kids next year. That's just horrible.

amother

Puce

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:11 pm

It's sad.
If she's in a daycare I would speak to director to make sure they have a better system in place before the next school year. Hopefully it was by mistake and with no ill intent but it shouldn't happen ever again.
I'm sorry for you, it's so tough to feel ignored all year long.

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:26 pm

When my now 13 year old was in preschool I had similar where there was never any pics of him in the weekly newsletter. Each shabbos we read it together and eventually he started asking why there was no pictures of him. I felt soooo ridiculous, but I reached out to the preschool director and I said, I’m sure this is an oversight but each week he’s not in any pictures, can the teachers make sure that they include everyone?? She made me feel much better about it, she spoke to the teacher and it was fixed.
So I know where you’re coming from and it’s a painful feeling, but honestly from your story it seems like it was more then just an oversight.. but the year is over now, I’m SURE next year will be different there can’t be another morah like that! not sure there’s much you can do now. But I get you..

amother

Clover

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:31 pm

Unless your last name is Zwyback and there are 40 other girls in the class she should have got her turn to be shabbos ima. It is not okay. That Morah has issues. You should speak up.

amother

Bluebonnet

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m not sure if this might apply in your case, but I was very upset to,realize (and it became a known thing) in my young son’s yeshiva that the kids who always had their pictures in the weekly newsletter were the children of the wealthy parents in the yeshiva who coincidentally donated a lot to the yeshiva.

chanchy123

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:40 pm

If she’s not continuing next year I’d just drop it, one has a similar experience with some of my kids - not to that extent) the only thing I’d make now about is the Shabbat ima, make sure DD gets to be Shabbat ima during camp - even if they don’t usually have them during camp.
Once she’s done with the year you can write a letter to the director detailing how disappointed you were with this teacher.
If she’s continuing with the school set up a meeting with the director and voice your concerns.
About the pictures, I’ve also had teachers who sent tons of pictures and some how my kids were never really in them. I think it’s because in our family we don’t make a big deal about taking pictures, so my kids never knew to get into the picture when the teacher was taking them.
In my world, now teachers usually know that there have to send pictures with everyone in them and make an effort to do so (at least this has been my experience with my younger kids).
Very recently my sixth grade daughter’s teacher sent tons of pictures from a class trip, I had to sift through 20 pictures of the same girls to find one with my daughter. I was sure she must have been alienated from the girls, maybe got in a fight or something and was not with everyone, but then I saw one measly picture of her with a group.
It’s like teachers don’t realize that the idea of these pictures is so you can see that everything is ok with your kid and she’s having a good time, you don’t want to see dozens of pictures of the same girls posing to the camera if you’re not the parents of those same girls.

Last edited by chanchy123 on Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

chanchy123

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:41 pm

amother [ Clover ] wrote:

Unless your last name is Zwyback and there are 40 other girls in the class she should have got her turn to be shabbos ima. It is not okay. That Morah has issues. You should speak up.

Even so - the teacher should make it work.

amother

Seablue

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:42 pm

As a teacher, I c an tell you this is not ok. How is it possible that the teacher didn't notice you weren't getting messages about classroom activities? Did it not raise a red flag that your daughter never had the prop, costume, supply, snack etc that was requested from the kids?

There definitely is a rotation for shabbos totties/mommies. Also, every teacher makes sure all the kids are in photos sent home.

There is something very wrong here. And don't be so sure you're daughter doesn't feel bad. She may have a hard time expressing her feelings but its doubtful that she wouldn't notice all the kids dressed in pajamas for instance.

I would definitely have a talk with the director. Don't be confrontational, just explain whats been happening and ask what could be done so that you get class messages and you're daughter included

amother

Cyclamen

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:44 pm

Our kids school used to put the same people in pictures over and over. The same people always won the raffles too. It was very upsetting.

amother

Trillium

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:46 pm

This is not petty and not ok!
I would pull my kid out for the summer and into a group that is more responsible and fair.
I would definitely have a serious call with the director about the incompetence of the teacher.
I imagine your child is not the only one treated like this, and the latter has to end

flowerpower

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:48 pm

Very odd!!!! In my kids preschool class they make sure to put in pictures of every kid every single week. Don’t let this pass.

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