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Milestones that will never be reached

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jun 13 2021, 10:35 pm
Today was my 8th graders graduation.
A milestone my 9 year old won't reach, and I'm having a very hard time with that realization.
There are plenty of milestones that have passed buy for some reason this one hit me very hard.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jun 13 2021, 10:38 pm
This is tough.

But sometimes kids surprise us and surpass our expectations.

Hashem should give you Koach and Bless You for taking care of a special needs child.
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cbsp




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 9:23 am
This resonated :

A Tale of Brotherhood
https://carriecariello.com/202.....hood/

(her Monday essays are generally quite relatable, despite our obvious cultural differences)
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amother




Jetblack
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 11:23 am
Thanks for this link.

The tears won't stop... thank you for posting this.

Hard few weeks....
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amother




Wallflower
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 12:13 pm
I can relate although my challenge is different. I have a dd who's otd and hasnt been in school for the past couple years. Her old classmates are graduating high school next Sunday. And it's so sad that she's not. And most of them are going to Israel for seminary next year, while she has no plans.

These little moments can be so painful and I think we really need to allow ourselves to grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams that we had for this child.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 1:21 pm
Thank you all.
It's been a difficult few days.
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amother




Cantaloupe
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 2:04 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Today was my 8th graders graduation.
A milestone my 9 year old won't reach, and I'm having a very hard time with that realization.
There are plenty of milestones that have passed buy for some reason this one hit me very hard.


Mazel tov on your 8th grader's graduation.

I'm hesitant, because maybe I'm reading this wrong, but refuah shleima. May treatment be found to allow your child to survive and thrive, with many celebrations to come.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 7:54 pm
I'm sorry. You're allowed to be very sad. How is your husband taking it?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 8:28 pm
He's been really busy with work so hasn't been home much.
I didn't even say anything to him because if its not upsetting him, why should I bring attention to it.
It'll pass. I'll get over it. Until the next time....
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 8:52 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Today was my 8th graders graduation.
A milestone my 9 year old won't reach, and I'm having a very hard time with that realization.
There are plenty of milestones that have passed buy for some reason this one hit me very hard.


I know exactly how you feel, OP. I sometime let myself think about all the things that this son won't experience. It saddens me. I never stop giving up that one day, a miracle can happen.

When it gets to be too much, I think the following:
1) Hashem judges different milestones. Each one of my children has their own milestone to reach, and they're not the same.

2) Without that child, our family and most of all myself, would be very different people. He's taught us love and acceptance, and how to give true chesed shel emes.

3) I thank Hashem for the achievements my son has. People are dealing with so many things - children with cancer, children in pain, mental illness. There's so much to be grateful for, even when things look really bleak. And this year has been bleak!

Whatever your 9 year old is dealing with, I'm sure it's very very hard. You can always PM me with whatever you're going through.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 9:04 pm
I feel your pain. I cried a full week when my autistic child turned bar mitzvah and it hit me he would never put on tfillin. He is non verbal and low functioning. It really hurts.
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amother




Wallflower
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 9:10 pm
imorethanamother wrote:
I know exactly how you feel, OP. I sometime let myself think about all the things that this son won't experience. It saddens me. I never stop giving up that one day, a miracle can happen.

When it gets to be too much, I think the following:
1) Hashem judges different milestones. Each one of my children has their own milestone to reach, and they're not the same.

2) Without that child, our family and most of all myself, would be very different people. He's taught us love and acceptance, and how to give true chesed shel emes.

3) I thank Hashem for the achievements my son has. People are dealing with so many things - children with cancer, children in pain, mental illness. There's so much to be grateful for, even when things look really bleak. And this year has been bleak!

Whatever your 9 year old is dealing with, I'm sure it's very very hard. You can always PM me with whatever you're going through.


This is such a beautiful perspective! You must be a very strong person.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 10:03 pm
Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement!
Iyh my 9 year old will give me nachas in other ways. Just hard to wait for it when they typically developing children are going through the "routine" milestones.
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amother




Watermelon
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 10:21 pm
I just had this with my special 6 year old son. My nephews his age just had their chumesh sueda. Though it's very painful to think that he should've been there now, I decided not to let this get to me, he has his own journey.
His milestone is to get toilet trained now.
No comparing, it doesn't make me or you feel better.
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