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Making a Simcha....Relative refuses to get haircut!
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:19 am
My family is making a simcha soon.
We have a relative who due to Covid concerns is absolutely refusing to get a haircut. Relative is fully vaccinated and does shopping and other things, but will not get a haircut.
This relative will be in pictures and will be a prominent feature at the simcha itself.
Relative hasn't gotten a haircut since February 2020.
The hair itself is so long and shaggy looking and, honestly, just gross.
My child who's simcha it is doesn't even want this person in pictures (I totally understand) and is feeling really embarrassed that this person has a role where the long hair will be seen by everyone! If it were just long and nice looking, that would be one thing, however it's so wild and scraggly and all over the place.
I even offered that our hair person could help out. Relative refused!!!
Please help!
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doodlesmom




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:24 am
How is attending a simcha less of a concern to relative?
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amother




Topaz
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:25 am
We all have that one embarrassing relative. Nothing you can do about it.
Live and let live.
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amother




Pear
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:25 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My family is making a simcha soon.
We have a relative who due to Covid concerns is absolutely refusing to get a haircut. Relative is fully vaccinated and does shopping and other things, but will not get a haircut.
This relative will be in pictures and will be a prominent feature at the simcha itself.
Relative hasn't gotten a haircut since February 2020.
The hair itself is so long and shaggy looking and, honestly, just gross.
My child who's simcha it is doesn't even want this person in pictures (I totally understand) and is feeling really embarrassed that this person has a role where the long hair will be seen by everyone! If it were just long and nice looking, that would be one thing, however it's so wild and scraggly and all over the place.
I even offered that our hair person could help out. Relative refused!!!
Please help!


how is hair cutting related to covid? I'm not getting this
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:26 am
Move on. This is not something to make into a federal case. In the last year, I think there have been a lot of opportunities to see the forest from the trees. Don't get distracted by this figurative "tree".
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amother




Lightcyan
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:28 am
I've been giving my husband haircuts since covid. Is that an option.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:29 am
amother [ Pear ] wrote:
how is hair cutting related to covid? I'm not getting this


OP here: Relative won't get a haircut due to being nervous about getting Covid. (Yet is fully vaccinated)
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:29 am
Is this post a joke?

You don’t get to tell a guest how they should look!

This must be a joke because your attitude is ridiculous
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:38 am
He can just clip it off himself, no? I doubt covid is the actual reason he's refusing a haircut. He's going to a simcha for crying out loud!
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:40 am
So they look shaggy.

In twenty years time when you look back at the photos, what would your prefer?
That Uncle Dovid is not represented because he didn't want to cut his hair.
That Uncle Dovid is there looking rather strange, and you tell the story of the Corona year, and how we all hid in our houses a d wouldn't come close to anyone, and Uncle Dovid was worried about coming close enough to people so he felt safer not getting a hair cut?

The photos are a record of events, not a production in themselves. There's never a situation where everyone looks perfect.

For the record, I haven't cut my hair since 1991. Not that anyone sees it now, but when I was single no one criticized it. Just because I was a woman it was socially acceptable.
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amother




Gray
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:40 am
amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:
Is this post a joke?

You don’t get to tell a guest how they should look!

This must be a joke because your attitude is ridiculous

I have to agree with this, relative or not, it's a guest and you don't tell guests how they should look. How would you feel about someone telling you to lose weight or cut your hair or say you don't look like right? I think you are being very rude OP.
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:44 am
1. I don't think it's your job to dictate your guests' hairstyles

2. I think it's irrational to not get a haircut because of covid concerns but to agree to go to a simcha with hundreds of other guests. Maybe you can have a haircutting simcha (upsherin?) for him!
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:45 am
amother [ Pear ] wrote:
how is hair cutting related to covid? I'm not getting this

My father in law refuses to cut his hair and says it is also due to covid. Initially he was terrified to leave his house or let anyone else and he would not let my mother in law cut it. Now that he is fully vaccinated, he is still "not ready" and says he is waiting for covid to really be gone. He has not cut his hair since March 2020 and it is absurdly long and he sometimes wears it in a ponytail. He and my mother in law really lost their sense of normalcy during all of this and are really sad examples of what isolation and anxiety can do to you if not treated. They made themselves very comfortable in their home and are just now starting to venture out... just not to the barber. Too close for his comfort.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:53 am
His body his choice
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groovy1224




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:57 am
The covid thing is clearly an excuse. There's some other reason he doesn't want a haircut. Who knows what it is, but it's really not up to you. You are making it a much bigger deal than it actually is.
For the pictures, it is what it is. Hopefully this relative means more to you than a haircut. Your pictures won't be as 'perfect' as you wanted, but that's what families are. Imperfect.
As for it being embarrassing for your guests to see, trust me they all have 'that' relative too. They will all be way more interested in the sushi station than they will be in your father/brother/uncle's albert einstein hair.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 7:12 am
Not your business. Just take some pictures with and without him and then you choose which ones go in your albums. You don’t need to make hum a promiment part of pictures if he doesn’t look respectable
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amother




Blushpink
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 7:17 am
Don’t include him in all the pictures so that child has some without him. It makes no sense not to get a haircut but also attend a simcha. Did you approach this person about your child’s feelings?
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cbsp




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 7:27 am
Is this relative a male or a female?

If the issue is that you think the relative may be embarrassed by the photos in years to come then maybe the photographer can edit the photos to present the relative in a more mechubadik light (maybe give the photographer a pre-covid photo)...
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amother




Gray
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 7:29 am
Off the topic but something that I noticed here some Imas think boy's hair looks gross and dirty if longer, when women have much longer hair and it is considered clean! Dirty sheitals are probably much " grosser" than men's hair that is slightly longer, and I don't know anyone that washes their sheitel every day. Men wash their hair, longer hair is not dirty!
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DVOM




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 7:31 am
Covid is irrelevant here. The only person who needs to be comfortable with his hair is him.

A close relative at our wedding sported a long, curly, moused shoulder length hair and beard combo with a highly stylized mustache. Tough luck on us. He thought he looked awesome.
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