Is it normal? | Imamother

amother

Fern

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 1:03 am

My husband doesn't "give" me money. I ask him if we can afford XYZ and sometimes he says no we don't have a lot of money in our account. Sometimes he will just tell me that our credit card bill is high this month so we shouldn't make any extra purchases for a bit. I wouldn't get so upset about not being able to go shopping. But again it sounds like your husband gives you the cash and you have no access to it? Is this correct?
If I were you I certainly would rethink getting a job. You should have money you have access to. You shouldn't be feeling his vs. hers money. I don't think that's healthy or right.

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 1:14 am

If you don’t work, there might not always be money available. That’s life.
We can’t always buy what we want.
It’s nice that you have cleaning help, even while being a sahm, appreciate that, many can’t afford it

imasinger

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 6:14 am

That's hard, OP.

I wonder if it gets you thinking. Sometimes, these situations can be a wake-up call. Which of the following changes, if any, might you prefer?

- To work part time, so there's more money for things you care about?

- To have a clearer picture of your family finances, and can point to which things can you juggle when an opportunity like this sale comes along?

- To change your relationship with DH, so you feel like an equal partner in financial decision making, and not a child?

- Something else?

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 6:24 am

Maybe reduce cleaning lady hours, do some of the cleaning yourself, and use that money for yourself

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 6:38 am

It's problematic that you don't know your financial situation and your dh doles out an allowance. What if, for some reason, you needed to handle the family finances? Would you know what to do? Unless you have previously shown yourself to be irresponsible, you shouldn't be treated like a child.

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 6:40 am

I love the part when you said it’s easier for you if you don’t work. Lol. Yeah most people would agree. Except that’s not why you don’t work. You don’t work because for the most part your husband earns enough that you don’t have to

amother

Blueberry

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 7:54 am

Ummmm. How old are you??

You sound a little childish & immature.

It’s normal to not buy something (even though it’s on sale & a great bargain) if u can’t afford it.

& in my opinion it’s not normal to have cleaning help if one doesn’t work outside the home.

We all make choices in our life & have to live with those consequences.

It’s called being an adult.

Now THATS normal.

amother

Steel

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:00 am

Im so confused... your husband GIVES you money?
We have money and we use it or dont use it responsibly. He isnt my parent who gives me money and I run to use it for whatever I want. We both know what's going on in our bank accounts and what major expenses we have and we make decisions ourselves and responsibly. This is so strange and childish to me

amother

Blushpink

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If husband says he can't give me money for next 2 weeks only for cleaning help . Their was a huge sale going on today where my friend works and I really wanted to go. I wanted to get things that I really needed . Dh didn't give me money and no, I don't work. I'm a mother of kids kh and for me is easier if I didn't work. But today I'm changing my mind . It's hard to have to depend only on the husband's income . I was very not happy about that that he didn't give me money for this huge sale .

Sounds like this is the first time your husband said he can’t give you money. It’s actually very normal.

amother

DarkViolet

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:03 am

amother [ Blueberry ] wrote:

“It’s not normal to have cleaning help if one doesn’t work outside of the home”

Lots of black and white thinking

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:05 am

Op. I can relate.
My husband is in charge of finances. Lucky you that your only complaining now. My husbands famous words are - sorry theirs no money (their is plenty. Bh) I can never get what I want. No I will not go and work when I have too much household responsibility.

amother

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:06 am

amother [ DarkMagenta ] wrote:

Easier meaning that I have other responsibilities, and other things on my plate to take care of that is making it impossible to work, plus I do squeeze into my day a few hours learning something that will hopefully help me earn an income in the near future. In the meantime I don't have when to squeeze in work since I'm very busy with other things . I probably didn't use the correct word mentioning Easier so I'll change that to impossible.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:07 am

amother [ Blueberry ] wrote:

& in my opinion it’s not normal to have cleaning help if one doesn’t work outside the home.

This is very normal actually, why would you say otherwise? There are plenty of other reasons someone may need cleaning help even if they aren't working.

Notsobusy

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:16 am

Op, it's not about normal, it's about is he being fair to you. If there's really no money available now, then you shouldn't be shopping, even if it's an amazing sale. If there's money and he's being controlling, then you have a problem.

Im a big believer in wives having equal knowledge and control over the finances. Then they couldn't end up in such a situation.

amother

Blueberry

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:22 am

amother [ DarkViolet ] wrote:

“It’s not normal to have cleaning help if one doesn’t work outside of the home”

Lots of black and white thinking

I said in my opinion

If one can’t afford to buy things

It’s not black & white thinking for me.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:25 am

OP, I don't work but I know what our financial situation is. Our account is a joint account.
Dh doesn't give me money, I swipe the card. I know when we can afford a shopping spree or not. When me or DH make a big purchase, we do discuss it before hand.
I do know women that their husbands tell them a spending limit for the week, it's part of their budget. Maybe this is what OP means, that this week they can't afford that weekly spending money?
OP, I don't think it's ok that you have no idea what's going on with your finances.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:26 am

amother [ Blueberry ] wrote:

I said in my opinion

If one can’t afford to buy things

It’s not black & white thinking for me.

Cleaning help is more important than a shopping spree at a sale. When we're tight, my once a week cleaning help is the last thing I'd think of giving up.

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:28 am

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

This is very normal actually, why would you say otherwise? There are plenty of other reasons someone may need cleaning help even if they aren't working.

Ok but then there may not be money for other things like a big sale.