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I am a terrible mother

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 7:48 pm
I don't post often but this has been eating at me. My child is 17, and is failing high school and wont be able to graduate on time this summer, which means this child will either have to continue high school for another year or get a GED.

I am beside myself, for being a complete an utter failure as a parent. The past year of course has been pretty terrible for a lot of people and the whole covid thing affect this child's school experience causing depression and anxiety. Despite this its not an excuse for me being a horrible mother. I honestly feel that I failed my child for not being there enough and helping along to graduate on time. Now I am questioning how this will affect this child's future, getting employment and even college if that is what this child decided. I just don't have words left, because I have been beating myself up for days and days, both my dh and I have tried everything, therapy for depression and meds for this child, and before covid things were getting better and this child was on track. Once covid head everything just went to ....., and now what, failing high school. I just don't know, what to do...
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amother




Grape
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 7:58 pm
I know plenty of people with a GED instead of a high school diploma, and they are doing quite well. It really isn't the end of the world. Some people are just late bloomers or need some extra time to mature. Life is not a race to get to the finish first, it's a marathon where it's ok to pace yourself.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:05 pm
Not sure why you are blaming yourself for something that is not in your control. You said you have tried your best , you have put in the effort , you have put in the care. That’s what a parent is supposed to do. It almost seems like you feel like you are failing because your child is failing in academics. Some children do better than others. Let the child be who they are. Let them get their GED if they have to. There is nothing wrong with that. Give the child lots of encouragement for trying and putting in the effort. Grades and academics is not everything and it does not make you a better parent of your child does well in school. It also doesn’t make you a worse parent if your child struggles in school.
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:07 pm
Covid set the whole world back, this is the one year that failure is forgivable. Kid is 17, they can take 12th grade again or get a GED.

We all feel like failures since covid hit. Mothers are human too, we need to ourselves some slack.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:14 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
Not sure why you are blaming yourself for something that is not in your control. You said you have tried your best , you have put in the effort , you have put in the care. That’s what a parent is supposed to do. It almost seems like you feel like you are failing because your child is failing in academics. Some children do better than others. Let the child be who they are. Let them get their GED if they have to. There is nothing wrong with that. Give the child lots of encouragement for trying and putting in the effort. Grades and academics is not everything and it does not make you a better parent of your child does well in school. It also doesn’t make you a worse parent if your child struggles in school.



I suppose I feel this way because we have been through so much with this child, and I want the best for this kid. I think I blame myself because I think I could have done more, noticed more, helped more, supported more. Either way, thank you for your reply.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:16 pm
hodeez wrote:
Covid set the whole world back, this is the one year that failure is forgivable. Kid is 17, they can take 12th grade again or get a GED.

We all feel like failures since covid hit. Mothers are human too, we need to ourselves some slack.




Yes of course youre right. There has been so much history with this child that all I want is for this child to make it in this world, and be happy. Looks like I have to work on myself too.
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:22 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yes of course youre right. There has been so much history with this child that all I want is for this child to make it in this world, and be happy. Looks like I have to work on myself too.


This might sound fluffy, but I think the most important thing here is that your child sees how much you and your husband care for them. How much you invest in them and how you only want them to succeed. Keep that love there, it might just be the anchor they need. If more people had loving and caring parents like your child does, the world would be a much better place.
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Optione




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 8:28 pm
As someone who chose to take her GED, the only people who know that I took it are people whom I've told. (I skipped 12th grade, so it's a very different situation but the point is that it's never once come up that I have a GED vs diploma.)

I'm bH extremely successful and my GED vs diploma status never, ever mattered.
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amother




Slategray
 

Post Tue, Jun 15 2021, 9:06 pm
I could tell you ten stories right now off the top of my head of boys who failed high school, everyone gave up on them, and they are the richest people I know.

Present success is no indicator of future success. Keep showing your child that we keep getting up and trying again, and trying different ways to get to the end result.

And I'm speaking as a mother whose child gets a solid C-average in school, and I have given up on micromanaging it.
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