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Can only one spouse work?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 21 2021, 8:35 pm
DH works full time and earns around $95,000. I work part time and earn around $35,000. I was previously working full time and earning close to $70,000. We live in a large out of town community and bought our house before prices went crazy.

COVID hit me hard even though the disease itself wasn't too bad to us. It just messed with our sanity, relationships, etc. I am having a very hard time getting myself back to where I want to be and I think my biggest problem is work. I work in a stressful job with high expectations.

My close relatives who have seen my mental health deteriorate over the past 1.5 years are encouraging me to quit and devote my time to take care of my mental, physical and kids needs more effectively. I agree, BUT....

We can't cut $35,000 out of our budget. DH is not currently able to increase his hours or find a new job. I had initially thought about finding another job in my field that would be less stressful but came to the realization that I really need stability right now. Starting something new would just add to the instability and be just as hard as staying where I am.

I'm not really sure what my question is but maybe I just want some ideas/brainstorming of how we can move forward with $35,000 less. (in my state, DH's salary is high enough that we won't gain any public benefits by my quitting). I have spoken to unemployment and will not be eligible because they are eliminating any COVID programs here.

I used to have a disability plan at work but am not eligible at this time due to my part time status. And no, my state does not have any kind of disability plan that I can tap into.
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wife101




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 21 2021, 8:49 pm
Can you make a list of all your expenses and see how the money is allocated and see if there is any way to cut back on anything?
Can you refi so your mortgage payments are lower?
Can you refi and take out some money to tide you over for x amount of time so that you can take a break?
Can you get a tuition break?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 21 2021, 8:59 pm
[quote="wife101"]Can you make a list of all your expenses and see how the money is allocated and see if there is any way to cut back on anything?

Yes, I'm sure we can do that but it still wouldn't decrease by $35,000.

Can you refi so your mortgage payments are lower?
Can you refi and take out some money to tide you over for x amount of time so that you can take a break?

We recently refinanced for a one time large expense. We can't do it again.

Can you get a tuition break?

We already do.
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wife101




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 21 2021, 9:03 pm
Are you currently breaking even?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 21 2021, 9:20 pm
wife101 wrote:
Are you currently breaking even?


Yes but with very little wiggle room.
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BrachaVHatzlocha




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 21 2021, 10:08 pm
Yes, it is doable.
Look up the organization Mesila. They may help you figure out a budget.
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Writergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 21 2021, 10:32 pm
There's a fascinating article on this topic in The Voice of Lakewood...you can check them out online. By Eli Fried
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amother
Molasses


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 1:04 am
It could be doable but you’d need to make some big budget costs and be extremely vigilant with spending.

I quit my job a few years back and my husband wasn’t making as much so he now works two jobs. He’s barely home but I am able to follow the studying/parenting track of my dreams. It’s not easy at all but yes it is doable.
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amother
Cornsilk


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 3:37 am
Not all full time jobs need to be so stressful.
I know too many people over the years that assumed they need to keep their jobs even though their boss was a monster, or the hours were too many or the pace was too hectic or whatever.
Look around for the job that pays well yet leaves you happy and sane at the end of the day. This makes such a big difference. The jobs are out there.
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Teomima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 4:50 am
First you're saying you can't cut the 35,000 from your budget, then your saying you want to figure out how to manage with 35,000 less. So you are talking about cutting it from your budget. You just need to figure out where.

First write down every single expense for a month. Every penny that gets spent. Then calculate hard expenses (mortgage, tuition, etc. But be careful here, this is where people often think something is a hard expertise but is actually manageable with less. For example, having two cars vs. one).

Then calculate bills. These are usual hard expenses but do have wiggle room. For example if you can reduce your electricity bill by cutting back in a/c, if you can reduce your phone bill by switching to a cheaper plan. That sort of thing. This also required difficult decisions sometimes.

Then move on to your discretionary spending. This is where you can cut the most. Bring coffee from home instead of buying out, don't get delivery pizzas or eat out at restaurants, etc.

Finally, the grocery bill. This one requires a lot of work but it's also often a huge sinkhole. Changes can also be hard for the kids, because you might not be able to afford their favorite snacks or preferred peanut butter or whatever. But there's huge potential for savings here.

Calculate everything for one month, figure out what you can cut, and multiply that by 12. See if you get close to your 35,000 goal.

I used to single handedly support my family. Now dh does. It's incredibly tight, and eventually I will have to go back to work, but right now this is what is best for our family so we've used the above methods, plus more, to really cut back and make me being a sahm manageable, for now.
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amother
Diamond


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 8:07 am
Don’t forget that starting in July you will be getting the child tax credit every month. I think it’s $300 a month for kids under age six and $250 a month for kids over six. Depending on how many kids you have it will help somewhat.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 8:20 am
amother [ Diamond ] wrote:
Don’t forget that starting in July you will be getting the child tax credit every month. I think it’s $300 a month for kids under age six and $250 a month for kids over six. Depending on how many kids you have it will help somewhat.


That’s just for one year
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amother
Diamond


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 10:04 am
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
That’s just for one year


At least the OP could have one year off to take care of herself. Also there is talk of making it yearly but who knows.
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Teomima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 10:39 am
amother [ Diamond ] wrote:
Don’t forget that starting in July you will be getting the child tax credit every month. I think it’s $300 a month for kids under age six and $250 a month for kids over six. Depending on how many kids you have it will help somewhat.

Isn't it just an advance on this year's child tax credit, though? Not necessarily the best thing to rely upon, since it means less money next year
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amother
Navyblue


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 10:55 am
Your marginal tax rate is 22% so the first $7700 of your 35,000 goes to taxes. Only 27,000 to cut Wink

Any chance your husband could increase his hours or take a side job if you quit?

If you could get a job in your kids school and get further tuition reduction + QTR (your salary goes straight to tuition with no tax paid) that should probably get you most of the way to the $27,000.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 11:03 am
Maybe you can get a less stressful job to fill the gap.

Also, if you have more time you can make more food from scratch lowering your food bills.
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 11:04 am
Teomima wrote:
Isn't it just an advance on this year's child tax credit, though? Not necessarily the best thing to rely upon, since it means less money next year

But the tax credit ($3000) is larger than usual ($2000). It's also completely refundable (which means you get money back even if you don't owe anything) which is different than prior years.

Even so, $2000 a year tax credit is not bad, but presumably OP has already budgeted for this and is still short....
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 27 2021, 7:17 am
With apologies for questioning the parts that weren't your question...

- How long do you think you need? And when did you last take vacation time?

Is it possible that taking a few weeks of leave would help you get to a place where you could feel healthy again? A few months?

I would fully understand if you say 'I've thought about it, and no matter how long a break I took, I'd be stressed and unhappy the minute I returned to work'. But in general, dealing with burnout doesn't always have to mean leaving work.

- Is working fewer hours an option?

Depending on the job and the boss, your boss might be willing to be flexible if the alternative is losing you.

Alternatively, there might be another job that would allow you to work even fewer hours.

- Are you sure that switching jobs would be more stressful than staying on?

On the one hand, switching jobs is genuinely stressful.

On the other hand 'oh, but leaving would be hard too, I might as well just stay' is just the kind of thing your brain loves to tell you when you're in an unhealthy work environment.
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 27 2021, 7:23 am
Could you possibly find a less stressful job, even if it means lower pay? If you’re looking to decrease stress in your life, but you can’t lose that 35k maybe you can find a much less stressful job but compromise on making more like 15-20k. This might be a good middle for you.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 27 2021, 7:23 am
As for your actual question, I'd look at

- taxes. like others have said, you might save there, enough that you don't have to replace the whole $35,000.

- a loan/gift from the close relatives who really want you to quit your job. (I know $35,000 would be a huge ask... thinking more like, maybe they would be willing to offer a $10,000 loan to get you through this year, which you'd pay back over 3-4 years after recovering and getting a new part-time job)

- ways in which the work you do at home can save you money. can you save on groceries if you have more time to cook, for example. can you save on daycare.

- ways you could make a bit of money very part-time.

- and ok, sort of getting back to my last post, but consider just how long you'd need to take off. maybe you need 6 months off, followed by a new, less stressful part-time job. so you don't need to get by on $95,000 indefinitely, more like $112,000 this year and then back to $130,000 or close to it.
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