Disorganized ruining my kids

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Forum -> Household Management -> Organizing

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amother

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 1:51 pm

Im very disorganized and its ruining my kids. They too are disorganized in school and social to embarrassing to bring friends home. If I can just change myself I obvious would. I can't afford a organizer. I worry I will spend money on containers that are wrong. I am too overwhelmed by my mess to start. As for throwing out. I sometimes have a worry that if I throw something out I will need it at a later time and be stuck. It does save me money sometimes in the long run but also makes life complicated. What can I do?

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 2:09 pm

Have you heard of flylady?

Ravenclaw

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 5:00 pm

As a very disorganized person, figure out what the bare minimum is and make that the priority. For example, I hardly fold laundry. Anything that has to be ironed after each wash I won’t buy, anything that can get wrinkled gets hung up, and I have designated baskets for each child’s underwear and another one for their pajamas.
I used to (sometimes) get around to folding underwear, after which one kid would pull something out from the bottom of the pile, it would all go flying, I would yell… for what? It doesn’t get wrinkled, it’s contained and looks good, and kids can put it away themselves.

Accept who you are and try to find systems like the above for the priorities. Forget about social norms.

amother

Lightblue

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 5:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I also struggle with organization. the first thing I want to do as soon as I can afford it is hire an organizer...it's cheaper than therapy..but I totally get you, I don't have the money now and I need to wait...(making a simcha now and summer is soooo expensive)...
but one thing I have learned is to THROW OUT!! I throw out things constantly.
a rule I try to live by- one thing IN, one thing OUT
I buy new six new towels, six old towels must be thrown out.
I buy a new sweater, I need to give something away from my closet
etc etc
my husband loves saving everything- his mother is crazy organized and has every little bowl and spoon her kids used, but because she loves organizing and she has the patience for it, her house is immaculate. I hate organizing and I have no patience so I told my husband it's one or the other!!! so I'm constantly throwing things out behind his back...especially the old things his mother keeps sending our way that we don't need!!

trixx

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 5:15 pm

The rule of 20. If you can buy it within 20 min, for under $20, in a radius under 20 miles, then no you don't need to save it. Throw it out. Get everything out of your house.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 5:25 pm

Please get an organizer it will change your life. A good organizer will work with what you have amd not push you to oxo pop your kitchen, etc. that’s not real organizing. She will teach you better habits, and give you a system .

amother

NeonPink

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:20 am

amother [ Lemonchiffon ] wrote:

Any recommendations?

Chana Miriam S

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:34 am

Getting rid of stuff you know you don’t need first and then continuing as you go. If you can replace it cheaply, you probably don’t need it. Less stuff = less to organize

amother

Gold

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:38 am

chaya malky scharf is way to go..... I am heavily add.. she figured out amazing system that almost maintains itself.... lives in lakewood. I think she travels tho to other places

amother

Gold

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:44 am

chaya malky scharf is way to go..... I am heavily add.. she figured out amazing system that almost maintains itself.... lives in lakewood. I think she travels tho to other places

amother

Gold

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:46 am

also, insurance can cover therapy... where are u located?

amother

Yellow

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 2:23 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It does sound like you're hoarding too much. But you can pull yourself out of this mess and set things up properly. I know you can do it!

amother

NeonPink

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 2:43 am

If you can’t afford an organizer, do you have an organized empathetic friend who can give you some hours and help you declutter?

baby12x

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 2:55 am

Second vote for fly lady.

READ HER BOOK.

It's great

Crookshanks

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 3:51 am

trixx wrote:

The rule of 20. If you can buy it within 20 min, for under $20, in a radius under 20 miles, then no you don't need to save it. Throw it out. Get everything out of your house.

Trixx this is genius I love 💕
I feel like this is life changing

ora_43

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 9:05 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Don't make the perfect the enemy of the good.

OK, so you don't know exactly what you might need later. That's OK. You don't need to know exactly what you'll need, you just need to make sure the $ value of what you might need to replace is worth the trade-off in terms of decluttering. IOW - it's better to spend $100 on replacing things you got rid of and later needed, than to keep an entire closet's worth of stuff hanging around.

Remember, the question isn't
"How much would it cost to buy a brand-new replacement for this?"
it's
"How much would it cost to get a similar item in similar condition (ie, heavily used)?"

OK, so you're still not sure what to get rid of. That's OK. You can still put aside the things you might want to get rid of. Put them in bags or boxes, shove them in a corner somewhere, and see how you do with your new, reduced set of stuff. If you need to go into the boxes every couple days to get something, OK! Now you know that you do need those things. If you go 3 months without touching a box - you can probably get rid of that (as long as it's not something seasonal).

In the meantime, you'll have a much easier job organizing.

OK, so you don't know what containers it would be best to get. That's OK. Just get some containers, get some things sorted, and see how it goes. Maybe you'll see that you need more room for papers. Still, having half your papers stored neatly in a container is better than having none of them stored.

ora_43

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 9:11 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

As for throwing out. I sometimes have a worry that if I throw something out I will need it at a later time and be stuck. It does save me money sometimes in the long run but also makes life complicated. What can I do?

Also, remember that there's a cost to the clutter.

Keeping 20 things you don't use because you might need 2-3 of them later (and don't know which) isn't 'saving $40' - it's giving up a square meter of floor space for $50. It's spending who-knows-how-many hours picking those same things up off the floor and trying to find a place for them, over and over, when you don't even need most of them. For $40. Not a good deal.

Long-term, you'll save more time and money by decluttering, even though you'll probably need to re-purchase a handful of the things you got rid of. Keep the most expensive/hard to find stuff, and let the rest of it go.

amother

Honeysuckle

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:00 am

I admire you for taking on a challenge that will require you to learn new skills and change old habits.
Another vote for throwing things out- specifically for those of us that aren’t natural organizers. I don’t know about you but when I need that thing that I held onto because “ I may need it one day,” I can’t find it if and when I need it anyway. Then it’s doubly frustrating.

Surrendered

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:14 am

You can call in to Hakol Beseder Hotline, where she gives amazing tips on how to be more organized. She also gives courses over the phone or in person on household organization. Her classes are amazing . 347 772 1188

There's also great organizing tips on Akares Habayis hotline. 845 678 8360

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