Boys and girls neighbors playing together

amother

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:21 pm

From what age would you say boys and girls shouldn't play together. Both of the kids are 10 year olds and mainly have each other. They play outside unattended. Is it time to separate them? How do I give my child the message?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:23 pm

I think this will be different depending on what circles you travel in.
In my MO world, its not an issue at any age.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:32 pm

I never separated them but it happened naturally. My kids are teens now and don't hang out with the opposite genders anymore.

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:34 pm

They will stop naturally on their own when they turn bar mitzvah- start high school.
10 is way too young to worry.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 11:46 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Peru

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:37 pm

I think when you are ready for your son to start seeing women primarily as s*xual object then they should be separated.

They usually will play only with their own gender by the time they are 12.

IMO

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:38 pm

amother [ Peru ] wrote:

I sincerely hope that that is at a MUCH later age than any play date age.

Sesame

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:38 pm

Agree that it depends on what circles
Some might not allow at this age whereas it might be considered perfectly normal in other circles

amother

Almond

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:38 pm

amother [ Peru ] wrote:

I think when you are ready for your son to start seeing women primarily as s*xual object then they should be separated.

Sizzle!!

sequoia

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:41 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I sincerely hope that that is at a MUCH later age than any play date age.

Oy

It was sarcasm intended to make a point.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:44 pm

sequoia wrote:

Oy

It was sarcasm intended to make a point.

I sincerely hope you are correct.
But one never knows on this site.

amother

Peach

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:46 pm

amother [ Peru ] wrote:

Oy gevalt. I think no man should ever see women as primarily sx objects.
I do of course understand that that was Peru’s point and that they should be allowed to interact as long as the are both interested in a friendship and conducting themselves appropriately.

amother

Lotus

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 4:53 pm

I’ll tell you the situation at our house. (Not a bad situation, just the way things play out.) out two oldest kids are. 14 year old boy and 12 year old girl. The boy is good friends with a boy who is almost 13, 5e girl is good friends with a girl who is almost 12. The friends both have sisters who are 13/14. The older sisters come over to hang out at pur house. Sometimes all the kids hang out together, sometimes the boys hang out, the girls hang out, and the older sisters hang out- all separately. Honestly, I’m happy that they are all hanging out here, because then I can see who they are hanging out with, and what they are doing.

amother

Dustypink

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 5:05 pm

Yeshivish lkwd in older neighborhood.
We are letting it happen organically.
Girls are 11-9. Boys 14-8. All play together regularly. Inside. Outside. Ball. Shmooze. Bonfires.
My neighbors with older kids - more yeshivish then me - said wait until boys go to high school and they will grow out of it on their own without making it forbidden.
I do make sure a parent is up to supervise - especially Shabbos.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 5:10 pm

amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:

I like this. I let DD play with the boy down the street, I just made sure that they knew not to go into a room and close the door, and at the boy's house the mom was always around, checking in, etc. They naturally drifted apart.

amother

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 5:22 pm

RW Yeshivish. I agree, depends which circle.

I read that boys and girls shouldn't play together from the age of 7. This is coming from a mechanech writing about safety. I thought it's extreme but wanted to hear if at 10 it's still acceptable.

amother

Coral

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 5:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I had a neighbor who claimed she was told 4. When it became inconvenient for her suddenly she had misunderstood what she had been told. I think the real answer is that at the age they normally stop playing together, they should stop. 10-11 is more likely the age.

keym

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 5:59 pm

My RW yeshivish Rav holds that we don't interfere, it will happen naturally. Sometime between 10 and 13, they naturally drifted into same gender groups. By the time they each started high school,it was a thing of the past.
However, he also encouraged group mingling of kids- 3 boys, 4 girls between the ages of 7 and 9 let's say, as opposed to one girl and boy. That he encouraged by 8/9.
First of all safety.
But also because of practicality. A group might not naturally break up as much or one party might feel pressured to stay in the friendship longer than comfortable to make the other side happy.

amother

Lightgray

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 6:18 pm

SafeAtLast wrote:

They will stop naturally on their own when they turn bar mitzvah- start high school.
10 is way too young to worry.

No. 9 is definitely a nono

amother

Fern

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 6:26 pm

We teach at age 9 they cat touch each other anymore so around then they automatically drift apart...

thunderstorm

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 6:48 pm

I played with my boy neighbor until he was right before Bar Mitzvah. His mother told me that he will be bar mitzvah soon and that it was no longer appropriate. I was younger, around 10 1/2. We weren’t besties or anything but we loved playing ball together. I remember being devastated that I lost my partner in ball playing but I survived.

I never made rules. My SIL did tell her daughter that it was no longer appropriate to hug my son or walk together arm in arm when both of them were 9. They were very close.