Why do I feel embarrassed/awkward

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 8:09 am

When people ask me what I do (as a job) and I tell them that I’m not working right now. I have a few kids, youngest under a year old and I am grateful to be able to stay home with her. But I feel so awkward telling people that I don’t have a job. The conversation usually peters out and it’s hard for me to make eye contact...

Recently I had a neighborhood get together, (we don’t know each other so well yet) and one woman asked “anyone not working?” So I said “ya, I’m not working these days bH.” But that was the end of the conversation. Why was she even asking? I thought maybe she isn’t working now either (she had a baby recently...) but the conversation just ended awkwardly. (Or what felt awkward to me.)

Ideally, women who are available during regular working hours should know about each other and get together- it would be nice to have more of a social life. Why don’t I even know anyone who doesn’t work? Do I have to go to the park and scout out someone who’s available?

amother

Tan

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 8:22 am

When people ask what you do, they might just want to make small talk, or they might want to size you up and fit you into a category. Smile and ask if they've read any good books lately.

observer

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 9:23 am

I think the awkwardness is coming from low self-confidence on your end. Say confidently "I'm a stay at home mommy b'h". Nothing wrong with it, it's great if you can do it financially. Don't feel embarrassed, say it happily and confidently and then move the conversation along.

ShishKabob

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 9:26 am

observer wrote:

This! And don't say you're not working! You are working!

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 10:28 am

op I'm a SAHM as well and see nothing wrong with saying b"H. In terms of finding other SAHM's I don't know where you live but I've lived in two different communities as a SAHM and playgrounds during the day never really introduced me to other SAHMs. I'm an introvert so I'm fine not getting together with anyone but I would find out by talking to people.

I find that people also sometimes take turns, like SAHM one year, working mother the next so I can't always keep track of whose a SAHM when.

One time I did accidentally meet up with other mothers during the day but that was when I was taking my toddler to an outdoor track so maybe try that instead Wink

I think what the other lady was awkward. A question like that sounds like there will be a followup question or discussion or something. I don't think you have any reason to feel embarrassed or awkward. you didn't do anything wrong.

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 10:48 am

navyblue- some people take pride in their job and can't understand people who don't work, nothing to do with finances...

and not all stay at home mom's are financially comfortable. You can see other threads on here about that.

amother

Lightcyan

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 10:55 am

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

Regardless of that I think a mother of any child under 2 has enough to do without work. If anyone can afford that, amazing.

Many people who pride themselves in their work, understand that childhood of their children is a time for a break.

amother

Stone

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 11:17 am

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

When people ask what you do, they might just want to make small talk, or they might want to size you up and fit you into a category. Smile and ask if they've read any good books lately.

Wow that’s awkward. Socially off.
I agree with saying with confidence that you’re a sahm

mig100

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 11:28 am

observer wrote:

This

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 11:51 am

It depends on how You look at it.
I actually feel very good about not working! It means I don't need to run myself ragged running to a job, running home for the kids, cleaning, cooking, laundry...
It also means that my husband is earning more than the person asking since he's earning enough so I don't need to go out to work.
It also means that I have all the energy and strength to deal with my kids once they come home from school. In turn, my kids are happy content and they get all my attention.
On a different note, it says in the Ketuba that the husband has to provide for the family.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 11:55 am

amother [ Stone ] wrote:

Wow that’s awkward. Socially off.
I agree with saying with confidence that you’re a sahm

When you say b’h you are boasting that you are able/want to stay home and they don’t able/want. A lot of women have guilty feelings about going to work and leaving their children. I just said not to boast

SuperWify

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 11:58 am

There are some communities where it’s unheard of a young mother staying at home. There were times where I wasn’t working and I’ve definitely got, “what do you all day?”, which is annoying and condescending.

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:03 pm

SuperWify wrote:

I get that too!
I always answer "stay home one day and ill ask you that question, you will have done plenty"

SuperWify

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:09 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

I get that too!
I always answer "stay home one day and ill ask you that question, you will have done plenty"

And that answer usually is, “well I manage somehow and I work full time.”

So I usually just answer, “stuff.”

amother

Coral

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:18 pm

Right now I’m a sahm and I’m so grateful to be able to stay home with my baby. I get asked all the time if I work... I’ll be starting work in august and I’m definitely going to miss being home. I am in school now as well

SuperWify

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:30 pm

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

That’s good. I get asked, “what do you do?” As if it is a given. I just went back to work but it’s quite annoying. It shouldn’t be a given that a woman (especially a mother) works.