My baby is 6 mo, so cute, but so bad and Im barely surviving

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 11:21 am

Im also so done with everyones ideas and suggestions of how to make her be a happier baby. Ive had ppd in the past and im afraid for myself right now. idk how to help myself anymore and feeling down in a real funk. I kept on telling myself to just push through the first few months that she was nonstop crying because it gets better and she did get better but not nearly enough. I am lacking sleep, time for myself, energy, just pushing through the time till I can go to bed and then wonder why I was waiting for it cuz baby doenst let me sleep anyway. ive been going to sleep way too late and getting up in the morning to my other kids. baby will nap anywhere between 15 min and 45 min sometiems surprising me with 1.5 hours but when I try to nap with her I can often be woken up just after I drifted off and the torture of that usually prevents me even trying.
is this normal??? to still feel like such a helpless kimpeturin at 6 months pp? that my baby's cute personality, smiley, loves attention, etc. doesnt overweigh her sleeplessness, fidgeting and biting while nursing, wanting to be held a lot, hates her stroller?
please dont give me suggestions, I cant handle them now. I already tried, based on everyone irl wonderful advice:
swaddle
dont swaddle
go for a walk with baby
formula
craniosacral session
probiotics for baby
digestive enzymes for myself
not consuming dairy
waiting minimum 2 hours between feedings
feeding on demand
letting her cry

I want my baby to be happy and content so I can live life and not feel so resentful of her.

tichellady

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 11:35 am

I had a really hard baby and can relate to your post. Took me a year to feel normal and then I needed another year to recover my sleep debt. She started actually napping on some schedule around six months which was life changing for me. Can you afford some help? This is was how I survived so I and some time to rest and get things done without constant interruption

amother

Apricot

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:26 pm

Hugs. Been there done that. There is nothing you can for these types of babies.

When you don’t sleep, you can easily lose your mind.

Medication, day time babysitter, therapy and lots of self care helped me.

My next baby was a lot easier and life was a lot more pleasant. In went on medication straightaway and did not suffer from ppd.

gootlfriends

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:30 pm

As someone whose first baby was very hard I fully sympathise. My first was a horrible sleeper, needed to be held all the time and was very sensitive to everything. It turns out she was autistic and I wasnt doing anything wrong. It is very frustrating. She still has issues but she has grown out of some of it. Get someone to help you with other things like laundry. Do you own a baby swing? It helped a lot with my daughter. And remember that it will pass. Nothing lasts forever.

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:31 pm

As Gabor Mate explains very well, a stressed mother causes a stressed child. He was born in the holocaust and when his mother took him to the doctor, he told her "all the Jewish babies are crying". If there is a way for you to help yourself, you will be in a much better position to parent calmly, which will then in turn positively impact your child.

What are some practical ways you can bring yourself to a better state of being?

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:34 pm

tichellady wrote:

I'd love to have a babysitter for her but it's almost impossible to find someone decent around here. she had been to a babysitter earlier but that babysitter is now on maternity leave. (also the coming and going to and from babysitter messed with her schedule, like if she was napping but it was time to go.)

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:36 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

There are some baby sleep coaches.

I have never used them (didn't exist in my time).

But ask around - on ImaMother and your friends - if anyone used a sleep coach
and was satisfied.

my sister used a sleep coach for her baby who is 4 weeks older than mine. she had to let her baby cry a lot which I hate , and by the time he was "trained" he was teething so badly that he was constantly waking up again.

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:38 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

a daytime babysitter would definitely help but see my previous post. im at the end of my rope and dont have the mental energy required to make 40 calls like I did in order to find her previous babysitter.

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:40 pm

gootlfriends wrote:

baby likes the swing ... sometimes. like everything else. there's nothing predictable about this baby that I can say: at least this one thing always works. she liked the baby carrier, sometimes. she likes the car, sometimes. she wants to nurse, sometimes. she wants to play on the floor, sometimes. and I go crazy from trying this or that or the other each time.
last night she fell asleep in my hands at 10.45, I put her down and she stayed asleep until 11.15. I nursed her and she didn't let me put her down. nursed her on the other side. nothing helped for her to stay asleep. I tried to pat her, I left the room to let her settle herself down. nothing doing. gave her bottle. she continued fussing. at 12.15 she finally fell back asleep in my hands. all I wanted the whole time so badly was just to lie down and sleeeeeeeeeeeeep but by the time she fell asleep I was so worked up that it took me another hour to fall asleep.

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:46 pm

amother [ Nemesia ] wrote:

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

shabbos morning when dh watches her before going to shul I get to sleep late and I'm a much normaller person shabbos day.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:49 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I used a sleep coach that didn’t require a lot of crying. Can’t say the night time is perfect yet (only started a few weeks ago), but even just getting him on good nap schedule was life changing.

amother

Tuberose

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 1:17 pm

Your baby isn't "Bad"; your baby is "needy" or "fussy." I don't even love the term "difficult" though it's a whole lot better than "bad." A baby who is easy is just that; easy, not "good." Babies are born good (unless you're Christian and subscribe to the idea of Original Sin) and don't learn to be "bad" till they're quite a bit older. It used to annoy me when ppl would ask me "Is s/he a GOOD baby?" I used to say, no, s/he's the spawn of Satan and inherently evil--of course s/he's a good baby, babies haven't learned how to be "bad" yet.

I know shifting your vocabulary won't make your baby any less fussy or easier to handle but it might influence your mood just a little bit upward.

amother

Electricblue

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 1:27 pm

OP, are there girls in your area that can be a mothers helper? You need sleep. Everything else is secondary. When you feel better you'll be able to think about how to help your baby, but now you just need sleep. Who can come take your baby outside for 2 hours?

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 1:30 pm

amother [ Tuberose ] wrote:

LOL
I used the word bad so that it expresses my issues and fits into the title which only allows a limited amount of letters. if were going to be so pc, I'd call her "high maintenance"

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 1:31 pm

OP, are you on any medication for PPD? If not, you really should look into it. You won't regret it.

What would help you more, a day helper, or a night helper? I don't know your financial situation, but there are some very good agencies out there. Even a month or two of help might turn things around for you.

Even a high school or sem girl who loves babies could be enough to give you a few hours break during the day so you could get some rest. Even if you couldn't sleep, you could at least put your feet up, and have them only come into your room when baby needs to nurse.

I know you said no suggestions for the baby, but I'm going to give one anyway. Feel free to ignore me. Are you giving rice cereal yet? My DD was really difficult until around 5 months, and then we were told it was OK to give her some cereal in her bottle. Just a teaspoon or first to start. It filled her tummy more, and made her settle down. Her naps got more regular, and she started sleeping 6 hour stretches at night.

If all else fails, just keep rocking your baby and saying "I love this baby. I davened for this baby. If the baby went away I would be sad." This was my mantra, and it kept me sane through months of staying up all night with DD screaming non stop because of colic.

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 1:32 pm

amother [ Electricblue ] wrote:

the girls I know are in camp or work.

amother

NeonBlue

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 1:34 pm

It is hard! I know you didn't ask for advice. I am also a HUGE mess without sleep. Your baby goes to sleep at 11 ? It seems like sleep would benefit your baby as well.

One thing I do is not let my baby sleep 3 hours before bed. So let's say I want her in bed at 8 her last nap has to be before 5 and I try to do it like that. I'm very unscheduled otherwise. She will just fall asleep in the car or ill put her into bed if she's tired.
Recently she started screaming when I put her in. Putting a noise maker in her room helped tremendously she loves is. I let her scream and go in every few minutes tap her and soothe her with my voice. Go out and come back again few minutes later and she falls fast asleep.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!! That helped saved my sanity. Do what works for you not anyone else!! Oke you say everyone says different things. With my current baby I do that and it's so much easier I don't have voices in my head saying omg what would this one say if....
I am a MUCH better when I do what I need and think is best. For example with my first baby I would come home absolutely starving but sit down to feed baby right away before going to the bathroom or even taking a drink. But in turn I was much more stressed out. I used to watch my husband going to the bathroom and thinking wowww he's lucky. Now? My baby is the happiest smiley baby tons of love, kisses, attention. But if I come home absolutely needing the bathroom and baby is crying, I put baby down next to me and do what I NEED TO DO. It has helped tremendously.

smss

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 1:52 pm

amother [ Nemesia ] wrote:

Please don't blame the mother! That's the last thing she deserves. Sleep is a NEED. Not being able to function well without enough of it is completely NORMAL. PPD is a possibility as others have suggested, but if she feels normal when she gets enough sleep... she probably just needs SLEEP!

OP, I really would try a baby sleep coach. I also never used one myself because we couldn't afford it at the time and I wasn't at the point of desperation, but here's one I've followed on IG for a while and whose approach I really like. She is super nice, affordable, and seems very knowledgeable.
https://www.babysleepanswers.com/