My son stole a candy from the store

amother

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:36 am

How would you react?

He’s 4. He showed it to me when we got home.

I took it away and told him we will have to bring it back but he’s just throwing a tantrum that he wants it.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:41 am

When he stops throwing a tantrum, take him back to the store, and give the candy to the manager (not a checkout clerk.)

Store managers love it when parents do this. Children stealing nosh is a huge loss, and it adds up fast. It's never just one Laffy Taffy, when every kid in the neighborhood does this.

Don't make it a punishment, be very matter of fact. This happened, so we are going to fix it now.

When you get back home, go over the Ten Commandments, and tell him that stealing is as bad as breaking Shabbos or hurting someone.

amother

Firethorn

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:43 am

I think you should acknowledge the fact that he showed it to you, even if he wasn't actively trying to be honest with you. He didn't hide it..

Zehava

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:44 am

Kids this age don’t yet get the whole concept of having to pay for items and stealing. Empathize with his feelings and give it back.

amother

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:57 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

When he stops throwing a tantrum, take him back to the store, and give the candy to the manager (not a checkout clerk.)

Store managers love it when parents do this. Children stealing nosh is a huge loss, and it adds up fast. It's never just one Laffy Taffy, when every kid in the neighborhood does this.

Don't make it a punishment, be very matter of fact. This happened, so we are going to fix it now.

When you get back home, go over the Ten by Commandments, and tell him that stealing is as bad as breaking Shabbos or hurting someone.

Store is closed for Shabbos. We can’t go till Sunday.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Store is closed for Shabbos. We can’t go till Sunday.

All the better. Your son will have calmed down by then, and then you can take him back to the store when he's a little more clear headed.

In the meantime, do your best to distract him from wanting the candy. Hopefully he will forget about it over Shabbos.

amother

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:58 am

amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:

I think you should acknowledge the fact that he showed it to you, even if he wasn't actively trying to be honest with you. He didn't hide it..

lol no. He wasn’t showing it to me because he felt guilty, he was showing it to me because he was proud he managed to take it. He said, “Look what I got mommy! Ha ha!”

While at the store he asked me if he can have a candy and I said no. He put it back and I told him I was so proud of him, then we get home and he pulls it out of his pocket…

amother

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:59 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Ok. I guess that makes sense.

CPenzias

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

All the more reason to make sure he returns it. He needs to feel uncomfortable.
It's OK if the store is closed on shabbos. Take him on Sunday. I doubt he'll forget and if he does you can remind him. I've done this before when my kid was little and I'd do it again. You have to make a strong impression now when he's 4 as opposed to waiting for it to get worse.

amother

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:13 pm

CPenzias wrote:

Right. I’m just embarrassed honestly….

Zehava

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:14 pm

Omg the kid is a toddler! He doesn’t understand! Can y’all quit “making him uncomfortable” and assume this means he’ll be robbing banks in the future?

amother

Lightblue

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:22 pm

I wouldn't come down so hard. " You really wanted that candy because it's yummy and fun to get treats. Wanting the candy makes sense. Mommy said no but you took it anyway. But now we have problem
Because the candy is still not yours. It can't be yours because we didn't pay for it. Taking something from the store without paying is stealing and we are not allowed to do that. I know you didn't mean to steal. We have to go back and either return it or pay to keep it. Next time we need to make sure we don't take things without paying."

CPenzias

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Right. I’m just embarrassed honestly….

It's for sure embarrassing but you want to teach him a lesson so keep that thought in your mind. Send him a little ahead of you. Make him start the conversation

amother

Oleander

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:26 pm

I stole a toy from a dollar store when I was five. My mother took me back in and had me admit to the manager what I had done. That was the end of my criminal career.

Kids that young don't really get the notion of ownership. It will be a learning experience for him.

causemommysaid

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:30 pm

Zehava wrote:

Omg the kid is a toddler! He doesn’t understand! Can y’all quit “making him uncomfortable” and assume this means he’ll be robbing banks in the future?

This. He's 4 yrs old. Lol. Just bring it back to the store on Sunday.

CPenzias

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:31 pm

Zehava wrote:

Omg the kid is a toddler! He doesn’t understand! Can y’all quit “making him uncomfortable” and assume this means he’ll be robbing banks in the future?

No one is assuming he'll be robbing banks but this is a teachable moment. I wouldn't pass it up but that's me personally. And not because I think my kid will rob banks

tp3

Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:32 pm

So normal. Same as kids bringing toys home from school or whatever. They don't yet understand ownership and value.
I would tell him yes he can eat it after we pay the store. Then go back to the store and pay for it and hand it back to your son to enjoy.
Nothing embarrassing or awkward here. We don't punish kids for things they are not yet ready to understand.
Embarrassing him or making him ashamed or uncomfortable is a punishment.
Please do not shame him.