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We work hard and you chill- and then we pay your taxes!
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:21 am
This thread about health insurance from a boss for middle class got me so boiled up!

My husband and I both work. We bring home a combined salary of 175-200k which I'm very grateful for. It covers our life and we can save up some bh. But we work very hard! Get home exhausted, pick up babies, make supper with all the kids around. Barely have time for myself... my husband works hard, long hours, tons of responsibilities stress...

But were considered rich! Cuz we both work. So we must have loads of money just piled up somewhere.

Anytime there a family simcha, gift giving to parents, a shabbas getaway, or any other combined expense, some of my siblings expect us to shoulder the burden cuz we have money. I can't even tell you the entitlement... one sil has 2 kids, doesnt work, is out daily with friends eating out and just chilling. And then when it's time to make sheva b for a sibling, it's on us!! Why in heaven's name do I need to sponsor your share? Because you choose to not work?! I'm not judging sahms just saying stop thinking we have all this money and no we don't work for you!!

Rant over
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amother




Rose
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:23 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This thread about health insurance from a boss for middle class got me so boiled up!

My husband and I both work. We bring home a combined salary of 175-200k which I'm very grateful for. It covers our life and we can save up some bh. But we work very hard! Get home exhausted, pick up babies, make supper with all the kids around. Barely have time for myself... my husband works hard, long hours, tons of responsibilities stress...

But were considered rich! Cuz we both work. So we must have loads of money just piled up somewhere.

Anytime there a family simcha, gift giving to parents, a shabbas getaway, or any other combined expense, some of my siblings expect us to shoulder the burden cuz we have money. I can't even tell you the entitlement... one sil has 2 kids, doesnt work, is out daily with friends eating out and just chilling. And then when it's time to make sheva b for a sibling, it's on us!! Why in heaven's name do I need to sponsor your share? Because you choose to not work?! I'm not judging sahms just saying stop thinking we have all this money and no we don't work for you!!

Rant over


Is that salary pre or post tax? Bec we’re making that pre tax and hardly making it Sad
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amother




NeonOrange
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:25 am
A # of years ago the Met for Jewish poverty said that those who earn between $70,000-$130,000 are in the worst income bracket, because they are hammered from all sides.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:26 am
You do not need to sponsor anything for anyone. You can say no to paying more than your share for the things you listed.
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amother




Razzmatazz
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:28 am
amother [ NeonOrange ] wrote:
A # of years ago the Met for Jewish poverty said that those who earn between $70,000-$130,000 are in the worst income bracket, because they are hammered from all sides.

Wow this feels validating.
We are in the lower end of this bracket and it take so much motivation to keep working to make it out and up, instead of looking at those who make a bit less and get so many programs. etc etc.
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amother




Mint
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:29 am
And then we pay tons of taxes that they then get in entitlements. And they still spit on us because our husbands arent learning
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amother




Ecru
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:31 am
You need to stand up for yourself better. You should make it clear that you are not going to pay for all of those things. No one should be expecting it from you. (and yes it is messed up that they are but make it clear it just won't happen).
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:35 am
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
You need to stand up for yourself better. You should make it clear that you are not going to pay for all of those things. No one should be expecting it from you. (and yes it is messed up that they are but make it clear it just won't happen).


But then they cry poverty and husband says it's like tzedaka
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:37 am
amother [ Mint ] wrote:
And then we pay tons of taxes that they then get in entitlements. And they still spit on us because our husbands arent learning


My husband is learning. I pay tons of taxes and don't qualify for any programs. And I'm not spitting on anyone.

It doesn't take long for Kollel bashing to make it's way into any thread, does it.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:40 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But then they cry poverty and husband says it's like tzedaka


Well then...do you have a clear cheshbon/account of your tzeddakah obligations, and how much you are going to donate, and then this money can come off of that? So that you don't feel like it's coming out of your pocket.

I once read a book by Rebbetzin Samet where she recommends that every family have a Shalom fund, and these types of expenditures come out of that. So that it doesn't eat you.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:40 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But then they cry poverty and husband says it's like tzedaka

They can cry. You can speak to your rav and see what he says you should do.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:41 am
Chayalle wrote:
It doesn't take long for Kollel bashing to make it's way into any thread, does it.


Sorry about that. That wasn't the point. Was just a vent about how we get hit on the head to pay all in full-tuition no vouchers, food stamps, housing help and then oay tons in taxes and then were the rich ones
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amother




Beige
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:41 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But then they cry poverty and husband says it's like tzedaka

Tell them there are other tzedaka organizations to take from and tell your husband there are others to give to.
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amother




Red
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 11:41 am
amother [ Razzmatazz ] wrote:
Wow this feels validating.
We are in the lower end of this bracket and it take so much motivation to keep working to make it out and up, instead of looking at those who make a bit less and get so many programs. etc etc.


Our budget became tighter when my husband left Kollel and started working. The only reason we're making it still is because you get to keep chip for 1 year after no longer eligible so at least we save $600 a month in kids health insurance. Not sure how well make it when that runs out.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:42 pm
amother [ Rose ] wrote:
Is that salary pre or post tax? Bec we’re making that pre tax and hardly making it Sad


Pre tax
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amother




Brass
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 12:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Pre tax


Our pretax is 180K.

I'm not sure why you or anyone else thinks that's a lot of money.

For a frum family paying 4 tuitions, it is very middle class.

We can afford our bills but we are in no way rich and I would laugh at anyone who thinks I can afford to subsidize their portion of anything.

Our own expenses are very high. After taxes and deductions at work and then mortgage, car payments, student loans, and tuition, there is not a whole lot left over for the rest of life.

Just say no and let them cry. Not your problem.
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amother




Burgundy
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 1:04 pm
Yes you can give a heads up that your circumstances have changed before any specific event in which you are asked/expected
Get you and your Dh on the same page first
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 1:21 pm
We have a similar income as OP, except no one knows. Everyone thinks I'm a secretary or something.

No one knows that we didn't recieve the last stimulus check. There was a family chat about it.

We actually believe that out siblings that get assistance are better off financially than we are.
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amother




Gardenia
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 1:36 pm
Which thread is this a s/o from?
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 25 2021, 1:41 pm
We chip in a lot for simchas. Everyone gives the SAME amount. Salary doesn’t matter. You should open your mouth and put your foot down.
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