Engagement during 9 days

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:39 pm

Is one allowed to get engaged during the nine days?

Shabbosiscoming

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:39 pm

I'm pretty sure the answer is yes

amother

Taupe

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:41 pm

https://www.aish.com/atr/Engag......html

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:41 pm

Yes my son had a lchaim during the 9 days. We were told it shouldn't be a big thing and only have family to it.

amother

Electricblue

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:42 pm

Yes. My sister did. There were some restrictions so you should ask a rav. I think they couldn't make a big vort, and the guests had to wear every day clothing. But it was a long time ago so I don't remember.

amother

Linen

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:42 pm

Yes. You're even allowed to get engaged on tisha ba'av.

amother

Maize

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:42 pm

You're even allowed to get engaged on Tisha b'av. (Though I've never heard of that happening.)

amother

Linen

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:43 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

https://www.aish.com/atr/Engagement-Party-on-Nine-Days.html

This article is about a bachelor/engagement party, not about getting engaged.

amother

Taupe

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:45 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

This article is about a bachelor/engagement party, not about getting engaged.

In the answer the Rav explains one may not have parties but getting engaged is permitted.

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:49 pm

Yes you can. My rav told us that there cannot be any jewelry given (no bracelet or ring till after 9 days) and we could make a lchaim just with the parents and siblings of chosson and kallah. The vort was made after Tisha bav.

southernbubby

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:54 pm

I think that years ago, people agreed to a marriage but the couple didn't actually meet each other until the wedding. Finding a shidduch wasn't easy and agreeing to be engaged could be carried out on Tisha b'Av.

amother

Gray

Sun, Jun 27 2021, 11:56 pm

Yes

Only chosson and kallah can wear Shabbos clothing to the vort.
In our case our rav didn’t even say it was a problem to make party. Maybe bec l’chaim and vort were same night as engagement. Or maybe bec dh was leaving to camp the next night. I’m not sure. But it def was not an issue. No music of course.

Gifts should be bought before or after 9 days (my in laws bought my bracelet before just in case bec things looked good. Dh was allowed to give it to me during the nine days)

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 12:40 am

Why not just "get engaged" and then have a party after the 9 days?

SYA

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 12:50 am

I have a friend who asked a Rov about getting engaged during the Nine Days. She was told, once you’re ready not to postpone getting engaged. The lchaim was that night.
Check with your LOR what your standards are regarding the lchaim or tenaim. But an actual engagement is allowed.

essie14

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 1:43 am

You can get engaged without a party. we got engaged during a non restricted time but we didnt have a party until a few days later.
We just announced it that day.

blessedflower

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:27 am

Yes I got engaged in the 9 days. We had a small party. We asked a rav what to do. I remember I couldn't receive any gifts (from friends and family) until after tisha baav. Yes from my chassan.

Chayalle

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:29 am

I remember when DH's cousin got engaged during the 9 days. They had a vort, but only the Chassan/Kallah were allowed to wear Shabbos clothing. Everyone else came in everyday attire.

It was kind of similar to when my sister got engaged during the Shloshim of my mother A"H. I wore weekday clothes to her vort, but she of course was dressed up.

amother

Gray

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:48 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

In the community I live in it’s not the norm to make a big party 9 days after an engagement (votes are simple as it is) and my dh was going away for a month for a job.
It doesn’t always work to postpone.

Personally for me I liked that everyone came up wish Mazel tov the day of. It made it so special. Doing it a week in half later - it’s like what is the point.

amother

Chambray

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 11:07 am

my dd got engaged last year the night before Tbav. Most definitely was allowed. We were told that the couple could get dressed properly (fresh clothing & washing) for the meetings and of course for the vort. everyone else wore weekday. B'H!

we planned a bigger vort after the 9 days. but so many people just crashed the party and that was it!

anon for obvious reasons!

amother

Brass

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 11:32 am

amother [ Maize ] wrote:

You're even allowed to get engaged on Tisha b'av. (Though I've never heard of that happening.)

My cousin got engaged on Tisha bav. Was weird coming in slippers.

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